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Old 06-10-2009, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,719,500 times
Reputation: 1645

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How strict are you?
How strict is too strict?
Is strict good ?
Do you strive to be stricter or less strict & what is less strict anyway?

For me, Well my wife and I are much stricter than anyone else we know in many ways. Behaviour and politeness and neatness at home, food, clothing, tidy room and obey parents and so on. But we let our kids roam in their free time. So where many parents seem to want to know where their kids are all the time, we tend to say to them OK to go ride your bike round the streets within a certain area and so long as they are in a group or even on their own.

I think strict is good because I think kids like certainty. I feel that if they know the rules that that gives them security and confidence to step out into the world.

As I ponder this I wonder what is the relationship between strict and restrictive and is being strict and or restrictive good or bad. Should I be more strict and restrictive. Sometimes I feel sorry for our kids when they are disapointed that they can't do something that they want to do or that they see their friends doing and that they are not allowed to do. Then on the other hand I am happy for them and proud of them when they are polite or achieve something or do something.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Denver area
17,058 posts, read 12,258,170 times
Reputation: 19366
We were pretty strict on some things not so much on others. We are strict on things like politeness and respect for others and things that we feel are character qualities. I knew where our kids were, who they hung out with, whose parents were home etc. I think we were less strict on things like keeping their beds made or rooms clean - although both eventually decided they preferred clean rooms to dirty ones all on their own. When they were yourger we were more strict than many of their friends on things like TV and movies (and they are about the only ones who don't have TV's or computers in their rooms!) - but they could read pretty much whatever interested them.....my kids are pretty adventurous and are good about finding out about things that they would like to do and figuring out what needs to be done to accomplish their goal. We maybe could have been stricter about homework and grades but both my kids are pretty conscientious and well rounded - DS needs to just figure out how to be more organized!
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:24 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,798,876 times
Reputation: 3120
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
How strict are you?
I think strict is good because I think kids like certainty. I feel that if they know the rules that that gives them security and confidence to step out into the world.
Strict within reason and common sense.

I think a lot of variables come into effect: age of child, temperment of child, the situation, and so on.

I just see the rules, restrictions and discipline that is applied in our home as tools to help our children be healthy, happy, safe, and confident children.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Denver area
17,058 posts, read 12,258,170 times
Reputation: 19366
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
Strict within reason and common sense.

I think a lot of variables come into effect: age of child, temperment of child, the situation, and so on.

I just see the rules, restrictions and discipline that is applied in our home as tools to help our children be healthy, happy, safe, and confident children.
Well put. Unfortunately can't rep you yet.....
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:55 PM
 
3,566 posts, read 3,054,993 times
Reputation: 1828
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
How strict are you?
How strict is too strict?
Is strict good ?
Do you strive to be stricter or less strict & what is less strict anyway?

For me, Well my wife and I are much stricter than anyone else we know in many ways. Behaviour and politeness and neatness at home, food, clothing, tidy room and obey parents and so on. But we let our kids roam in their free time. So where many parents seem to want to know where their kids are all the time, we tend to say to them OK to go ride your bike round the streets within a certain area and so long as they are in a group or even on their own.

I think strict is good because I think kids like certainty. I feel that if they know the rules that that gives them security and confidence to step out into the world.

As I ponder this I wonder what is the relationship between strict and restrictive and is being strict and or restrictive good or bad. Should I be more strict and restrictive. Sometimes I feel sorry for our kids when they are disapointed that they can't do something that they want to do or that they see their friends doing and that they are not allowed to do. Then on the other hand I am happy for them and proud of them when they are polite or achieve something or do something.

I don't know if I would say that I am more strict or less strict. I am a stickler on location, homework, bedtime, respect for other's spaces and personal boundaries and politeness. I have a tendency to be lenient in other areas.

My child will cry if the other children are out playing and he cannot go outside. I have a problem with my son being out after 6:30 PM in the summer. Two of his friends are allowed to be out after dark, one is 7 and one is 5. He has friends that are allowed to play things like Mercenary and Grand Auto Theft and they are 7 and 8. I think not. If that makes me a little hard core, so be it.

And my response, and I don't care if you think it does make me a bad mother, is: But, honey, they must not love their children.
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:59 PM
 
7,424 posts, read 9,336,221 times
Reputation: 6668
We just moved and the neighborhood we moved to we are by far the strictist parents in the neighborhood. The kids in our neighborhood have no 'rules' from what I see (all around ages 6-9). They are running around the neighborhood with little or no supervision.

Hubby and I have quite a challenge to help our kids understand they have different rules then the rest of the neighborhood kids. They are required to ask the neighbors before coming over to play, have manners, go to bed at a decent hour.
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Old 06-11-2009, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Memphis, TN Metro Area
79 posts, read 115,264 times
Reputation: 107
Count me in as a strict parent, then! My own upbrining was strict in some ways and I honestly feel that I am better off for it. I am probably the most strict on manners, respect for others, keeping the room tidy. There's nothing wrong with being strict in some areas!
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Old 06-11-2009, 11:21 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
535 posts, read 1,063,732 times
Reputation: 568
I'm strict in regards to certain things, lazze faire for others. I expect my children to use their manners and be well behaved, especially in public. We keep a very structured schedule during school, in order to ensure that homework is done, dinner is for the entire family, and bedtimes are non negotionable. My oldest knows to tell me if we're at the pool or playground which section he will be at so I can keep an eye on him, while also giving him freedom while I watch his little brother. I expect chores to be done. I do not tolerate lip service. I dont punish, but we have consequences. In other words my kids know what choices they have and what the consequences will be depending on their choice. It can be a positive or negative consequence, but its always in their hands as to which consequence they get. There are no surprises.

However, I give my kids the freedom to make decisions on other things to help their independance grow. I pick my battles for the important ones and not worry about the lesser choices. As long as it fits and is not unseemly, I dont care what my kids wear for clothes. As long as I think it's mature appropriate for them they can watch movies, or play games, or earn toys through chores. I dont hover over my kids when they play on a playground. I dont hover over them when they're playing at home. As long as they use indoor voices at home and the house is still standing on it's foundation, by all means, play and use that imagination. Just clean up after please.
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Old 06-12-2009, 01:15 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 35,415,626 times
Reputation: 21574
What I think is interesting is that many parents today are stricter than their own parents were.

My siblings and I think back and are almost shocked by how "careless" our parents were. We pretty much all know where our kids are, who they're with, what they're doing. Back "in the old days" we would get up in the morning, pack a lunch and take off on our bikes until dark. We'd go to someone's house, hang around, then jump on the bikes, go somewhere else. We might head to the woods and swing from ropes or tree branches. We'd explore creepy abandoned houses (yes we had to pull boards off windows or find some way in) as well as new houses being built, old barns, take a nap in some old hayloft. Go fishing or explore some pond. We'd roll in around dinner or a bit after -- the parents had no idea where all we'd been, what all we'd done -- and they were strict parents but nothing like we are.

It's more common today for parents to keep a tight rein on kids. I remember getting lost in stores - no big deal but parents today don't like to lose sight of their kids. When I think back to things we did, things that could have gone wrong, no way would I allow my kids to roam about all day, break into abandoned buildings, play in them.
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:25 AM
 
10,106 posts, read 11,365,760 times
Reputation: 9200
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
How strict are you?
How strict is too strict?
Is strict good ?
Do you strive to be stricter or less strict & what is less strict anyway?

For me, Well my wife and I are much stricter than anyone else we know in many ways. Behaviour and politeness and neatness at home, food, clothing, tidy room and obey parents and so on. But we let our kids roam in their free time. So where many parents seem to want to know where their kids are all the time, we tend to say to them OK to go ride your bike round the streets within a certain area and so long as they are in a group or even on their own.

I think strict is good because I think kids like certainty. I feel that if they know the rules that that gives them security and confidence to step out into the world.

As I ponder this I wonder what is the relationship between strict and restrictive and is being strict and or restrictive good or bad. Should I be more strict and restrictive. Sometimes I feel sorry for our kids when they are disapointed that they can't do something that they want to do or that they see their friends doing and that they are not allowed to do. Then on the other hand I am happy for them and proud of them when they are polite or achieve something or do something.
Can you define strict? To me strict has the connotation of me controlling my kids every move. In that sense we are not strict. We maintain control of our home but not in the sense that the kids are never allowed to make their own decisions. IMO discipline is all about kids learning how to control themselves, and not about us controlling them.
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