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Old 07-05-2009, 12:29 AM
 
Location: 89074
500 posts, read 745,475 times
Reputation: 851

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Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
I do not hesitate to correct children if they are in my line of view. I hope to hell someone is helping me out. The best way to get a kid to behavior is just thinking that someone else might say something. There's nothing worse than a kid who doesn't think they have to listen to anyone except their parents, which they don't anyway.

I have two sisters who are big in spanking and hand slapping. One will slap her kids face and her husband has spanked my daughter, so hard that it was a very lasting tramatic experience for her. I think that because we're not big on spanking, they thought they had to make sure they got the point across their way. (She dumped out a big bottle of shampoo out at age three when left unattended with my nephew at bathtime at age three.) I would give timeouts but would never ever ever hit another person's child. I not big on spanking or hitting at all but I will first send the chidl to the parent to let them deal with it. If it's not working, they are unavailble or they are obviously busy or stressed out, I'll just deal with it myself. First its a conversation detailing the expectations and consequences. Next it's either a bye~bye or a timeout.

My daughter pulled some leaves off my sisters plants once when we spent the weekend with her when she was three. No one noticed until everyone had left. The mentioned it to me. The next time we were there, she asked permission to slap my daughters hand if she did it again. As I said, I'm no into hitting kids but I agreed, on one conidition, and she agreed with that condition. She took my daughter by the hand into a room with no one but her and my daughter into it, her bedroom, and shut the door. She made her make and maintain eye contact with her. She told her simply what she would not touch the plants when she was there that day, that they needed those leaves for photosynthesis (yes she knew the word but any kid would if be concerned because it sounds important), and that if she touched them, she would get her hand slapped. She asked my daughter "Now, what is it that you are not going to do here?" "Touch the plants." "Why?" "They need their leaves for fofosinsi." "What will happen if you touch them?" "You will slap my hand." She NEVER had to slap her hand because she never touched them again. I HATE how we tell our kids a quick comand in an overstimulating environment and expect them to just get it, then sit around and wait for it to happen. It's setting the kids up for it. Taking them aside and doing it this way makes it very clear, especially if someone else besides mom and dad aren't the only ones saying it.

Kids I don't know, if they are in my "space" with no one else there to do anything about it, I will say what I need to.
If someone traumatized my kids, I wouldn't care if they were family or not. It would be the last time they would see them. Distance yourself from these people!
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Old 08-16-2009, 06:22 PM
 
22 posts, read 48,068 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alaskan Mutt View Post
When i was growing up all the kids on my block were fair game for any of the parents.
That's how it was when my parents were growing up.
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Old 08-16-2009, 06:24 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,159,137 times
Reputation: 55550
often the reason people are asking about disciplining a child is bek the parents aren't.
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Old 08-16-2009, 11:00 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,490,412 times
Reputation: 22471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
often the reason people are asking about disciplining a child is bek the parents aren't.
Yes. If the parents do the job in disciplining their children, others will not even think they have to discipline them. If children are uncontrollable, it's not right to leave them with a babysitter or family members. Children raised correctly are pleasant enough to be around.
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Old 08-17-2009, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
751 posts, read 2,475,215 times
Reputation: 769
If they are in someone elses care, then they should be able to give them a timeout. But corporal punishment of any kind, obsolutely not!
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Old 08-18-2009, 12:01 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 3,363,753 times
Reputation: 763
I have not read all the posts, but I have NO problem with my parents or siblings (or very close friends) disciplining my children. They have in the past and I have with their children. We trust eachother. If it was someone I did not trust, then I wouldn't be leaving my kids with them!!

If my kid did something out of line and a stranger said something to them I would have no problem with that, either. I wouldn't want them to touch my kid, but certainly say something!

Kids need to learn that even when Mommy isn't looking - and we can't possibly be looking at every single moment - kids still need to behave and be respectful!! Too many kids are badly behaved and disrespectful and somebody needs to speak up!!
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Old 08-18-2009, 04:09 AM
 
48,505 posts, read 96,572,060 times
Reputation: 18301
When I grewup other adults in my commutity would verbally correct us. They also informed your parents many times. But they also looked out for our interest.
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Michigan
12,711 posts, read 13,439,025 times
Reputation: 4185
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26 View Post
I have not read all the posts, but I have NO problem with my parents or siblings (or very close friends) disciplining my children. They have in the past and I have with their children. We trust eachother. If it was someone I did not trust, then I wouldn't be leaving my kids with them!!
ITA 100%. Saying 'so-and-so can care for my child but not discipline them' is a contradiction in terms.

If parents have particular expectations about discipline, such as being anti-spanking, that ought to be hammered out with the caretaker ahead of time.
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Old 08-21-2009, 07:40 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,692,575 times
Reputation: 19539
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
My husband and I were talking the other day and he was saying how he had no problem if someone else disciplines our child if we are not around. I don't mind someone correcting him (saying you can't do this because it hurts me , or whatever) but I would take offense to "disciplining" - eg. a time out or a spanking?!? that other people may give my child. This includes grand parents and uncles and aunts for me.

What is everyone else's take on this?
The few times I did leave my children under the care of family members or friends (usually, they were in a paid daycare facility) I EXPECTED them to discipline my child if they were doing something disrespectful or dangerous. I wouldn't have left my kids with them if I didn't trust them to do so in a responsible and/or non-abusive way. My children were "warned" before they were ever left with these people that they were not to talk back and they were to MIND their elders unless they were trying to get them to do something immoral or terribly wrong. I was abused as a child and was extremely careful about who I left my kids with, as well as talking to my children at an early age about inappropriate touching, etc. That point aside, a couple of times when I did leave my kids at someone's house and they "tattled" on them for misbehaving, talking back, etc., not only did I reprimand the babysitter for NOT putting my child in time out, but my child got an extra helping of a butt chewing......AND had to apologize to the babysitter for their misbehavior and disrespect.

As previously said, children will push their limits....test their caregivers to see how far they can go (not all children, but some). If I can't trust someone to keep my kids in line, I'm not going to let them watch my kids. Our children can't think they can get away with everything and step outside their boundaries when they're with someone other than their parents. Go to the mall sometime..... see how kids act away from their parents....you can bet that most of those kids wouldn't DARE do 1/2 of what they're doing, in front of their parents....but they're not worried about anyone else jumping them.

Another thing I noticed on here that was being stated? If you're in a group, does someone else have the right to correct your child when you're there? I say heck yes! If you're not correcting your own child...not seeing what you're doing, or just don't want to discipline your child in front of others, for one reason or another....then I absolutely believe they have a right to correct them for you! We've been at family get togethers where a child was being a monster and their parents were off in la la land not paying attention.....you can bet someone else stepped in to do it. I have done it myself..... and if I was busy and one of my kids was doing what they shouldn't have been doing, they were disciplined by someone else. That's the way it should be. What really makes me sick is when a parent at a gathering isn't watching their kids and then whines when someone else corrects them. If you don't want someone else to do it, then don't take your eyes off your kid.....do it yourself, but don't expect everyone else to put up with your kid's poor behavior just because of your poor parenting. Another thing that irritates me? (lol..soapbox here) It makes me so mad when someone's kid is being a wild child and no one wants to correct them.....but they'll go running around "gossipping" about what a brat the child is, what a lousy mother or father the parent is.....but won't do ANYTHING to stop the child. Me? yeah, you don't want to be at a gathering with me......because if your kid's being a brat and you won't do anything about it, you can bet I'm gonna say something AND your kid is probably going to be sitting in time out. LOL

By the way... and don't get me wrong.....kids, even teenagers, think I'm an awesome person.....love me to death (I live in a small town), but there have been many kids who have made the mistake of talking like street trash when they think no one's paying attention....walking down the street, with each other in the store, etc. .... I have no problem telling them to watch their mouths. I generally say something like, "Wow, you know, when I saw y'all walking down the street, I thought....gosh those kids are growing up...and golly, what nice looking kids they're turning out to be....but then I heard that nasty trash coming from your mouth and all I could think was...'"Dang, I never would have figured them to be so trashy!!'" The response? Red faces and a big I'm sorry from them. I call these kids on their behavior.....have done so with strangers, and you know what? They respect me.....they don't fear me.....they actually respect me because I care enough about them to say something. They like me because I let them know they're BETTER than the way they're behaving.... It takes a village to raise a good child. Be grateful that someone out there cares enough about your child to help you out with them. You'll need all the help you can get..... take it, TAKE it and tell them thank you!
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Old 08-21-2009, 03:09 PM
 
9,229 posts, read 8,507,317 times
Reputation: 14765
If your children are not behaving in a socially acceptable fashion, and you are not addressing the situation, there or not, I would hope someone else would.

Parenting is preparing your children for social situations. Throughout the child's life, there will be persons in authority over them, and if they cannot accept correction from someone else, they will be living an unhappy life. Of course I am not expecting anyone to instill physical discipline, but then I would hope your children are reared well enough that such a measure would not be necessary.
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