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Old 06-12-2009, 10:51 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
1,691 posts, read 3,838,887 times
Reputation: 4123

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My best advice would be not get all upset and worried over it all. Just follow the advice these other wonderful people have been giving you calmly and patiently. The world is not going to end over an "F" on a report card. I used to get plenty of F's or unsatisfactory back in the day... guess what I found out in college. I am dyslexic. Not severe but just enough to make my life in school that much harder.
The Point I am trying to make is that around this time in her life changes are happening, she might need glasses? she might not hear as well, she might be stressed out, she might not know how to communicate with the teacher, she might all of a sudden become shy, the work might not be to her liking and well.. why do it? So many many reasons why you have to just step back and look at it all and ask questions.
One F or a thousand Fs won't mean your daughter fails. Like I said that I got lots of F's in school. When I went to college I was an A++ student. 4.0 all the way.
Take the grade and not think punishment... think instead of making it a positive. Spending more time with her not just on school work but on fun things will help. Teach how to focus, relax and refocus. Just turn it into a positive at this time in her life. Make learning fun for her agian.
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Old 06-12-2009, 10:57 AM
 
3,086 posts, read 7,581,805 times
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If the teacher had no complaints at the conference and the child had A/B's before, my first thought would be that it was a mistake and not that my child had suddenly failed spelling.
So first thing is to clarify the grade with the teacher, especially since the grades were handwritten. The teacher could have very easily transferred the grade from the wrong line (meaning the F belongs to another student)

Then if you find that the F is real, ask the teacher what happened in order to determine how to help your daughter. Like many others have said this is not a thing for punishment. This is something to listen to her about and help her with.

It's not as likely that she all of a sudden can't spell since she's never seemed to struggle with it before. However, maybe the words they've been given all year have been simple words for the grade level and the last 3 weeks have been all really challenging words that she just gave up on spelling and has gotten nothing but zeroes.

Or, find out if she was perhaps being defiant and refused to do the work and find out why, then help her work through that.

Whatever it turns out to be, don't lose your trust and belief in your daughter and her ability, just consider it a bump in the road that needs to be smoothed out and then passed over.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:11 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 9,239,596 times
Reputation: 3165
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
If the teacher had no complaints at the conference and the child had A/B's before, my first thought would be that it was a mistake and not that my child had suddenly failed spelling.
So first thing is to clarify the grade with the teacher, especially since the grades were handwritten. The teacher could have very easily transferred the grade from the wrong line (meaning the F belongs to another student)

Then if you find that the F is real, ask the teacher what happened in order to determine how to help your daughter. Like many others have said this is not a thing for punishment. This is something to listen to her about and help her with.

It's not as likely that she all of a sudden can't spell since she's never seemed to struggle with it before. However, maybe the words they've been given all year have been simple words for the grade level and the last 3 weeks have been all really challenging words that she just gave up on spelling and has gotten nothing but zeroes.

Or, find out if she was perhaps being defiant and refused to do the work and find out why, then help her work through that.

Whatever it turns out to be, don't lose your trust and belief in your daughter and her ability, just consider it a bump in the road that needs to be smoothed out and then passed over.
Good advice.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,350,636 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT View Post
An "F" is unacceptable for me regardless of what grade,
Well IMO if you are getting this upset over an "F" in 3rd grade I would hate to see how you will react in higher grades and High school. First like suggested already don't go in mad, be calm and express your thoughts to the teacher first. If you are still not happy then go to the Principal and see what went wrong. It could be a mistake, or not. Maybe the Teacher did not mention it to you in person because she was not sure how you would react.

Not everyone gets all A's and B's all the time. Some kids have a harder time in some subjects no matter how much help they get. In the future maybe you should focus on improvement rather than actual grades, if in fact there is another "F".

As for punishment for your child, I personally would not give one. I would express my feelings, again in a calm manner. Let your child know that you will work together over the summer on spelling and hope to improve the mark for next year.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:19 AM
 
Location: Waxhaw
264 posts, read 850,386 times
Reputation: 82
Just an update....
Thank you for all of your advice!
The "F" was not a mistake. The teacher failed to inform me at the conference that my daughter had stopped turning in her homework and had failed some of the spelling tests. When I asked her why she did not tell me this at the conference, she had no answer.
I thought about it for a few days and called the office and complained. She should have informed me of this BEFORE the conference since this behavior had suddenly started a month before from a student that never got anything other than "A's & B's" on all subjects/classwork.
OK, baby is screaming again and so I have to run.
Thanks again!
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:06 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 9,953,621 times
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I can't imagine punishing an 8 or 9 year old child for not understanding something... obviously this is not an attitude problem, or it would have come up in the conference. (Though it's bothersome that the F itself didn't come up in the conference!) Maybe your daughter is hiding something because she feels that you are going to punish her! If she's truly having a hard time spelling, then work with her on it during the summer. Grounding her or taking away TV or whatever your intended "punishment" is is not going to help the situation, and will only make her less likely to come to you when she's having difficulty in the future.
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Old 06-25-2009, 08:05 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 9,239,596 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT View Post
Just an update....
Thank you for all of your advice!
The "F" was not a mistake. The teacher failed to inform me at the conference that my daughter had stopped turning in her homework and had failed some of the spelling tests. When I asked her why she did not tell me this at the conference, she had no answer.
I thought about it for a few days and called the office and complained. She should have informed me of this BEFORE the conference since this behavior had suddenly started a month before from a student that never got anything other than "A's & B's" on all subjects/classwork.
OK, baby is screaming again and so I have to run.
Thanks again!

The teacher definately should have told you, how do you "forget" to tell a parent of an child that they are suddenly getting F's? If nothing else there should have been concern on her part that a good student was failing and wonder why if something was going on. Hopefully you can get your daughter to tell you why and then you can help her this summer. Good luck, I know it is tough being a teacher these days but I would have expected more.
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Waxhaw
264 posts, read 850,386 times
Reputation: 82
Lots of people here were concerned that this was a case of a child not understanding homework and there were also some suggestions of fear.
She didn't feel like doing her homework and she lied about it b/c she knew I would make her do it. She understood her homework. She was also an all "a/b" student, so the theory of her suddenly not understanding doesn't make sense. Also, if this was the case, how would I have known if the teacher didn't tell me? My complaint to the school, and they agreed and even asked themselves, was why was I not told at the conference. The teacher claimed it was too late at that point to make a difference. Which then leads to the question of why did she not contact me before? Her answer to that was something to the tune of "if you take the "f's" out of the mix, she still has an "a", so it's no big deal."
Now to the question of "fear". The only "fear" she had, was b/c of the fact that she lied. She threw out her spelling notebook so she wouldn't get caught. The "f" gave her away though. She had no clue she was going to get an "f" on her report card. I'm insulted actually that this was even suggested. If I was such a parent that her child fears her, I don't think I would have come here for advice on how to deal with this.
Anyway, I'm not happy with the teacher right now. In my opinion she failed. For all she knew there was some major upheaval in the kid's life at home. She watched and did nothing. Hopefully the complaint I put in will help her understand the importance of communicating with parents.
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:46 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,800,375 times
Reputation: 12269
You are right to be irritated with the teacher. You are also right to be irritated with your child. If she is a child who generally cares about her grades the F will be a wake up call to her. It really doesn't count for anything permanent so I wouldn't worry about her records.

I don't know that I would do anything right now, but I would take action when the school year begins to ensure that she is doing all her work.

I would also find out from your child WHY she did what she did. It could help avoid a repeat performance.
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:59 AM
 
8,231 posts, read 17,248,496 times
Reputation: 3696
Hopefully your child will learn her lesson and take responsibility for not turning in her homework. I think a 10 year old (?) is certainly old enough to learn that. Had the teacher called you, you would have gotten on your child and 'made her' do her homework and preserved her A. Chances are, she wouldn't have learned anything except that she has to do what you tell her. Hopefully, by coming down hard on her (and not blaming it on the teacher) you will show her that she is responisble for her grades and her homework...not you, her dad or her teacher.
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