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Old 06-25-2009, 12:51 PM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 9,246,749 times
Reputation: 3165

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Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT View Post
Lots of people here were concerned that this was a case of a child not understanding homework and there were also some suggestions of fear.
She didn't feel like doing her homework and she lied about it b/c she knew I would make her do it. She understood her homework. She was also an all "a/b" student, so the theory of her suddenly not understanding doesn't make sense. Also, if this was the case, how would I have known if the teacher didn't tell me? My complaint to the school, and they agreed and even asked themselves, was why was I not told at the conference. The teacher claimed it was too late at that point to make a difference. Which then leads to the question of why did she not contact me before? Her answer to that was something to the tune of "if you take the "f's" out of the mix, she still has an "a", so it's no big deal."
Now to the question of "fear". The only "fear" she had, was b/c of the fact that she lied. She threw out her spelling notebook so she wouldn't get caught. The "f" gave her away though. She had no clue she was going to get an "f" on her report card. I'm insulted actually that this was even suggested. If I was such a parent that her child fears her, I don't think I would have come here for advice on how to deal with this.
Anyway, I'm not happy with the teacher right now. In my opinion she failed. For all she knew there was some major upheaval in the kid's life at home. She watched and did nothing. Hopefully the complaint I put in will help her understand the importance of communicating with parents.
Now that we know what happened, if she were my daughter she would get in trouble, to just not want to do it and then throw something away and lie about is not okay and if there are no consequences for her actions she will think it is okay. I like you would also be very irritated with the teacher for the teacher to say by the by that time it was to late. Hope you can come up with an appropriate punishment for her.
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:57 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,652,425 times
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I would be infuriated with the teacher!! If your daughter is failing, the teacher has a responsiblity to let you know!

For your daughter, she definitely needs to have consequences for hiding the grades and not doing her homework from you.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:31 PM
 
901 posts, read 2,979,927 times
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An almost identical situation happened with a family member of mine. Her son (3rd or 4th grader) was not turning in his work. So, he failed that subject. The mother was all upset because she did not know.

I (as a teacher) would let the parent know if there was a problem. Especially if this was a new situation. Still, a 3rd grader is not a baby. (S)he should know better. (S)he knows what is expected.

Do your child a favor and don't simply place the blame on the teacher. Your child did not do the right thing and should be dealt with.

FWIW, I do think that the teacher should have done a better job, so I'm not saying she is blameless.
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Old 06-25-2009, 08:06 PM
 
8,231 posts, read 17,263,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam82 View Post
An almost identical situation happened with a family member of mine. Her son (3rd or 4th grader) was not turning in his work. So, he failed that subject. The mother was all upset because she did not know.

I (as a teacher) would let the parent know if there was a problem. Especially if this was a new situation. Still, a 3rd grader is not a baby. (S)he should know better. (S)he knows what is expected.

Do your child a favor and don't simply place the blame on the teacher. Your child did not do the right thing and should be dealt with.

FWIW, I do think that the teacher should have done a better job, so I'm not saying she is blameless.
I agree- the teacher is not blameless, but the focus of responsibility should be on your child.
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Old 06-26-2009, 01:33 AM
 
2,542 posts, read 6,892,336 times
Reputation: 2635
With the full story unveiled, I would say some punishment is called for, but I would focus it on the lying part. To me, that is much worse. She not only lied and tried to cover it up (throwing the notebook away), but she also lied to you for the last month or so by letting you assume that she was turning in her homework.

Who knows why she didn't hand it in--perhaps it was too boring or too hard or she was lazy or she felt some need to act up... no matter what it is, punishing her mainly for that part won't fix the problem--only clear communication on her part will allow you to help her, and I would tell her that.
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Old 02-10-2010, 08:40 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,368 times
Reputation: 10
Can PLEASE anyone help me?

soo tired, for this frikin brain,
i know i can doo such things
but I always feel being hopeless
in life, i got easily tired when
i studied,
actually i aint for being [slow learner]
i cant easily catch, what our
teacher thought us.
I want a new life,
but how can I?
I failed in 3 subjects
and it was a very big pressure
to my parents,
specially my mom.

GOd ? PLEASE REBORN ME
please,? pray for me
that i cant take summer,
if i saw my card
with 3 failures
i'll commit suicide
cus, i cant do anything. ;(

Last edited by kaziak.; 02-10-2010 at 08:54 AM..
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Old 02-10-2010, 08:45 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,676,169 times
Reputation: 2194
Troll.
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Old 02-10-2010, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 5,138,052 times
Reputation: 2371
Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiT View Post
Lots of people here were concerned that this was a case of a child not understanding homework and there were also some suggestions of fear.
She didn't feel like doing her homework and she lied about it b/c she knew I would make her do it. She understood her homework. She was also an all "a/b" student, so the theory of her suddenly not understanding doesn't make sense. Also, if this was the case, how would I have known if the teacher didn't tell me? My complaint to the school, and they agreed and even asked themselves, was why was I not told at the conference. The teacher claimed it was too late at that point to make a difference. Which then leads to the question of why did she not contact me before? Her answer to that was something to the tune of "if you take the "f's" out of the mix, she still has an "a", so it's no big deal."
Now to the question of "fear". The only "fear" she had, was b/c of the fact that she lied. She threw out her spelling notebook so she wouldn't get caught. The "f" gave her away though. She had no clue she was going to get an "f" on her report card. I'm insulted actually that this was even suggested. If I was such a parent that her child fears her, I don't think I would have come here for advice on how to deal with this.
Anyway, I'm not happy with the teacher right now. In my opinion she failed. For all she knew there was some major upheaval in the kid's life at home. She watched and did nothing. Hopefully the complaint I put in will help her understand the importance of communicating with parents.
Hmmm...interesting. My daughter is in 1st grade but I have a lot of friends with kids who are older. They show me how much homework they have to do (including spelling) and it's pretty amazing. Most have at least 1.5-2.5 hours of homework per night (for elementary school!). My daughter does about 45 minutes of homework per night (for 1st grade).

Here's what I suggest...you now know that your daughter, for whatever reason, is struggling in spelling. Luckily for you, she seems to be "getting it" for her other subjects. That means you are going to have to focus a lot on spelling. What's difficult about school is that everything builds on itself...if she is struggling in spelling in 3rd grade, she's going to have an even harder time in 4th.

Yes, the teacher blew it. Teachers aren't perfect and I don't know if your daughter's teacher is a slacker who shouldn't be teaching or if she just made a mistake and genuinely forgot to tell you that your daughter was struggling.

Your daughter didn't get an F because she failed ONE test...tests that include a big chunk of your daughter's overall grade aren't usually done until they are a little older. Your daughter failed because she has consistently failed to turn in her homework and has not done well on her tests.

So, now my question falls to you, as the parent. Are you not keeping up with what homework she has to do? Kids are hard...my daughter, who is normally VERY chatty always gives me one word answers when I ask her what homework she has and how school was today. But, she brings home 2 folders every single day that have her homework in it (hers say "Due Tomorrow" and "Due Friday") and when she walks in the door, I take her backpack from her, take out her lunchbox and water bottle and her homework packets to see what we have to do that evening. I don't give her a chance to hide stuff or to tell me she doesn't have homework that night. Perhaps when our children get a little older, this will be more of a challenge, but both of our kids are in elementary school and that means that WE are going to have to make an effort and not just assume that they are mature enough to do their homework on their own.

On Fridays, her work for the week is sent home for me to see what she's done, and that includes her spelling test and math test for the week. The answers she gets wrong we go over until she understands why she got the answer wrong.

Parenting isn't easy and having a kid in school just adds another job on the long list of "things to do". Your daughter is going to have some fantastic teachers and she's going to have some that are not great. The teacher made an error in not alerting you to what's going on but it's time now for you to be proactive. Your daughter is struggling, so you are now going to have to set aside extra time to go over spelling. Since she has failed some of her spelling tests, it's time for you to find out what day the test is given and if you don't see her test scores that week, you are going to have to send an e-mail to her teacher. Eventually her teacher will realize that you are going to be the "stalker parent" and will just be proactive and likely send you the score before you have to ask. I have no problem being a "stalker parent." My kid really only gets one chance at an education and I am going to make sure she gets a good one, so if that means that the teacher has to answer a weekly e-mail or I am showing up at the end of the day, so be it.

The teacher shares some of the blame, but be careful not to make you or your daughter out to be victims of her oversight. Your daughter isn't doing her homework and she isn't studying enough to pass her tests. That's not her teacher's fault, that's yours (for not checking up on your daughters homework) and your daughter's fault. If there is something wrong with your daughter (dyslexia or ADD) that is something else, but from what you've said, she's doing well in her other subjects. Even for the smartest kids, there is something they are going to struggle with. My daughter is an excellent speller and reader but she is having a whopper of a time understanding money and how to make change (which is what they're doing in math right now). We have been spending a lot of time on that subject...that's just the way it goes.

As far as punishment goes, I wouldn't punish your daughter for the grade...I'd punish her for throwing her folder away and not doing her homework.

And for the posters here who have said things like "Don't worry...it's not as if she's not going to get into college"...I'd remind them that everything builds on itself. If she is hiding her homework in 3rd grade, do you honestly think she's going to become a self-motivated 11th grader? Childhood is a constant foundation-building process. Homework in 1st grade is to get your kids ready for what's coming and to start to build good habits.

Last edited by the3Ds; 02-10-2010 at 10:00 AM..
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Old 02-13-2010, 12:56 PM
 
Location: ATL suburb
1,364 posts, read 4,135,252 times
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edited post
Quote:
Originally Posted by the3Ds View Post

So, now my question falls to you, as the parent. Are you not keeping up with what homework she has to do? Kids are hard...my daughter, who is normally VERY chatty always gives me one word answers when I ask her what homework she has and how school was today. But, she brings home 2 folders every single day that have her homework in it (hers say "Due Tomorrow" and "Due Friday") and when she walks in the door, I take her backpack from her, take out her lunchbox and water bottle and her homework packets to see what we have to do that evening. I don't give her a chance to hide stuff or to tell me she doesn't have homework that night. Perhaps when our children get a little older, this will be more of a challenge, but both of our kids are in elementary school and that means that WE are going to have to make an effort and not just assume that they are mature enough to do their homework on their own.

On Fridays, her work for the week is sent home for me to see what she's done, and that includes her spelling test and math test for the week. The answers she gets wrong we go over until she understands why she got the answer wrong.

And for the posters here who have said things like "Don't worry...it's not as if she's not going to get into college"...I'd remind them that everything builds on itself. If she is hiding her homework in 3rd grade, do you honestly think she's going to become a self-motivated 11th grader? Childhood is a constant foundation-building process. Homework in 1st grade is to get your kids ready for what's coming and to start to build good habits.
Since your daughter is in 1st grade, your method is more acceptable, but as you said, as she gets older, she will have to be more responsible for her own work.

By 3rd grade, a child should know that when he/she gets home, homework needs to be done. The parent should not have to "helicopter" over them to see that the work is done. A check to see that the work is done and that the grades are acceptable is fine. It's the parents who sit there and do the work with the child (when he understands it; it's different if they're having trouble) that drive me nuts.

I say this because, as you said, everything builds. If a parent is doing their homework with their child (in hopes of getting As), how is this child going to be a self motivated 11th grader, to use your words. Ghod knows, I've had parents try to bail their kids out of a bad grade. These are college students, by the way!

So while I certainly see the need to be an involved parent when it comes to a child's grades (I have done the same things you mentioned), I'd like to reiterate the point that at some time, we as parents have to make our kids take responsibility for their own actions (or lack of).
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Old 02-13-2010, 02:00 PM
 
Location: The Midwest
2,966 posts, read 3,899,887 times
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[quote=crazyme4878;9474485]With the full story unveiled, I would say some punishment is called for, but I would focus it on the lying part. To me, that is much worse. She not only lied and tried to cover it up (throwing the notebook away), but she also lied to you for the last month or so by letting you assume that she was turning in her homework. [quote]

I agree. Getting an F on something is one thing, but when a child gets an F and also lies about it, thats another thing. If it was my child, I wouldn't punish her harshly for getting the F, but I would for lying about it. Like I say with my kids, "bad behavior is going to get a punishment, but you're in double trouble if you lie about the behavior."
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