Disney Parent and an out of Control Child (single parent, boy, son)
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You and Dad have to get on the same page. He is playing you both, one against the other and it is WORKING! If you don't stop this now, I promise you Dad WILL regret it one day..
I had one son that did this, I warned his dad over and over to look at what he was teaching our child and he would not listen. After we divorced, that boy did it ONE MORE TIME and his Dad called me screaming at me over the phone because of what the son had told him I said.. I hung up on him immediately, gave him awhile to calm down and called him back. I told him "He did it to you again and you fell for it, look how upset you were! You ALLOWED him to do that to you! Only YOU can stop it!"... That was the last time it worked for our son but unfortunately, the damage was already done. His Dad now regrets the things he taught our son and it has cost his Dad a lot of money and heart ache... But it is to late to do anything about it, that pattern of behavior was set as a child and he has carried it well into his adulthood.
I think there is a really good chance that your son is a sociopath. His father might be, too. Does the father try to be overcontrolling in your life?
If this child is a sociopath, the best thing for you is to remove yourself from his life completely. He will never change. I know how hard it is to accept such a thing, but really, you simply don't want a sociopath in your life. It will delstroy you.
Familiarize yourself with the diagnostic criteria and the symptoms. If these fit, get him our of your life.
A 9 year old doesn't NEED a cell phone, but many people have things they don't need. It's not a sin to have stuff. I think in this case the child is using the phone as a weapon against both of his parents and the parents should take the phone away IN THIS CASE. But most people do not limit their lives to strictly what they need.
You're right.MOST people have stuff they don't need. No one did say it was a sin. I guess I'm the strange one since my 9 and 12 year old do not have cell phones.But,that's just me.You're right though, a misbehaved,bad mannered,out of control 9 year old certainly does not need one!
I think there is a really good chance that your son is a sociopath. His father might be, too. Does the father try to be overcontrolling in your life?
If this child is a sociopath, the best thing for you is to remove yourself from his life completely. He will never change. I know how hard it is to accept such a thing, but really, you simply don't want a sociopath in your life. It will delstroy you.
Familiarize yourself with the diagnostic criteria and the symptoms. If these fit, get him our of your life.
Please do not go by this diagnoses, obviously this poster is not qualified to make such a statement in such a sensitive time. You can not tell if someone is a sociopath just by a paragraph, there is hours and hours of testing. Also there are a lot of things that could be causing this behavior. I think the advice (the good advice) you already received is wonderful. I do not need to add to it as it would be repeating.
You're right.MOST people have stuff they don't need. No one did say it was a sin. I guess I'm the strange one since my 9 and 12 year old do not have cell phones.But,that's just me.You're right though, a misbehaved,bad mannered,out of control 9 year old certainly does not need one!
I agree with you that the child the OP posted about certainly should have his phone (and all other "goodies") taken away from him.
Many people on this board seem to think that kids should only have things they absolutely NEED. I will never understand that point of view. We are all entitled to spend our extra money on some things that we don't really need. There is no sin in allowing our children to have a few goodies assuming those goodies do not adversely affect their development or get them in trouble.
I agree with you that the child the OP posted about certainly should have his phone (and all other "goodies") taken away from him.
Many people on this board seem to think that kids should only have things they absolutely NEED. I will never understand that point of view. We are all entitled to spend our extra money on some things that we don't really need. There is no sin in allowing our children to have a few goodies assuming those goodies do not adversely affect their development or get them in trouble.
I know we're getting off topic and I can only speak for myself. I do not believe in kids having cell phones.I personally think that this society has gotten abit out of hand with what they supply their little darlings with.That is part of the reason we have a generation of self entitled brats.I am not depriving my children by any stretch of the imagination.But,I WILL draw the line on some things.I just strongly feel that KIDS can wait to recieve certain privileges.And for me, and my family,some things do have to be a NEED before they are handed over.Yes, YOU can spend your money any way you see fit.You can give your kids what ever you like. For ME,I don't believe it's the best course of action.
Hi Everyone I am new to this forum. I have a son he is 9. He is disrespectful, abusive to me, his 2 younger brothers, he lies so severly to get other people in trouble, he steals, leaves nasty messages on my machine, uses his cell phone to call his dad to get him out of punishments.
If dad doesn't live in your home, how is he able to get out of punishments?
Send him to his dad's... you just may have to "accept" that dad may need to experience his lovely son before he brings the law down on him.
I think there is a really good chance that your son is a sociopath. His father might be, too. Does the father try to be overcontrolling in your life?
If this child is a sociopath, the best thing for you is to remove yourself from his life completely. He will never change. I know how hard it is to accept such a thing, but really, you simply don't want a sociopath in your life. It will delstroy you.
Familiarize yourself with the diagnostic criteria and the symptoms. If these fit, get him our of your life.
OMG! The child is 9! A mother taking herself out of her child's life is a sure way to destroy a child's life. I can't believe you even suggested that. I really hope the OP doesn't take your piece of advice seriously.
I did not make a diagnosis. I offered a source of information that the OP could use, to determine whether such a diagnostic procedure would be a useful next step. And I offered my opinion on how to deal with a child IF diagnosed as an incurable sociopath. I'm sorry, but "such a sensitive time" is when you deal with immediate problems.
Thank You everyone for all your responces. I did not expect to get so many. It has given me alot to think about. Alot of you commented on the cell phone. I did not buy it nor do I think he needs it either. I should have also mentioned that i have told his father recently that if it is sent it will be taken and returned when he leaves or he can choose not to send it. I was at a special needs telethon with my other son who is a special needs child. At the telethon a child was agrivating him and he called him a retard. Later he was on the phone with his father telling him he did not want to stay because he was being punished. I tried to explain to his father what had happened and he just said well the kids should have left him alone and not been bothering him. .....How awful! I really try to handle things the best way I know how. i do not try to argue because it is tramatic. Although I will say I am not perfect all the time. My sons father is well to do and lives in a resort community. His dad buys his love and lets him run wild and that is why I call him a Disney Parent. The grass is greener. I can not compete with that nor do i want to. I was poor growing up but we were happy. I remember for Christmas one year my sister wrapped things that were hers and gave them to me and I did the same. I tell my son these kinds of stories and he just laughs at me. He has no empathy. It is really scary. I just do not know how to reach him. I feel hopeless and embarassed.
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