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Old 04-16-2007, 01:20 PM
 
140 posts, read 487,833 times
Reputation: 90

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I am a single parent as well, and I have also had to do what works for me. When my son was a baby, my mother took care of him full-time when I started college. I'm still in college full-time and work part-time, but my son is preschool age and my mom doesn't have the energy to handle him all day every day. Plus, with me being gone all day, nothing gets done around the house (cleaning, laundry, etc.) when you have a small child demanding all your attention throughout the day. Thankfully, I was able to find a preschool I trusted that was reasonably priced. I am also thankful to have my childcare subsidized by an excellent childcare service (Child Care Information Service), because without their help, I would just be working to pay childcare. I will be paying for childcare on my own once I graduate college, but I won't mind because having a college degree will allow me to have a good enough job to pay for it, along with other costs. However, I do grapple with guilt now and then because I have to be away from my son all day, but I know this will be better for both of us in the long run. By the time I graduate, he will be starting grammar school and I will be able to focus on his education rather than mine. Plus, having my mother care for him during the hours preschool doesn't cover puts me at ease that he's not with some stranger for 12 hours. So, every parent does have to do what works for them. I live within my means, and most of what I do earn goes to the care of my son. Not all parents who are financially able to care for their children are good parents, and not all parents who are financially disadvantaged are bad ones. Personally, I believe it's more important to be spiritually and emotionally ready for children than financially ready.
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Old 04-16-2007, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,328,998 times
Reputation: 892
Quote:
Originally Posted by FilmCutter View Post
I am a single parent as well, and I have also had to do what works for me. When my son was a baby, my mother took care of him full-time when I started college. I'm still in college full-time and work part-time, but my son is preschool age and my mom doesn't have the energy to handle him all day every day. Plus, with me being gone all day, nothing gets done around the house (cleaning, laundry, etc.) when you have a small child demanding all your attention throughout the day. Thankfully, I was able to find a preschool I trusted that was reasonably priced. I am also thankful to have my childcare subsidized by an excellent childcare service (Child Care Information Service), because without their help, I would just be working to pay childcare. I will be paying for childcare on my own once I graduate college, but I won't mind because having a college degree will allow me to have a good enough job to pay for it, along with other costs. However, I do grapple with guilt now and then because I have to be away from my son all day, but I know this will be better for both of us in the long run. By the time I graduate, he will be starting grammar school and I will be able to focus on his education rather than mine. Plus, having my mother care for him during the hours preschool doesn't cover puts me at ease that he's not with some stranger for 12 hours. So, every parent does have to do what works for them. I live within my means, and most of what I do earn goes to the care of my son. Not all parents who are financially able to care for their children are good parents, and not all parents who are financially disadvantaged are bad ones. Personally, I believe it's more important to be spiritually and emotionally ready for children than financially ready.
You are blessed because you have your moms support. Most parents dont have that, you are not the norm but probably an exception. Hug your mom for her support.
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Old 04-16-2007, 02:18 PM
 
140 posts, read 487,833 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pixie Dust View Post
You are blessed because you have your moms support. Most parents dont have that, you are not the norm but probably an exception. Hug your mom for her support.

Thank you so much. And I hug my mom as often as I can. I truly am blessed to have the kind of relationship that I have with my mother. She is my biggest supporter and cheerleader, always has been. Most of my friends don't have that kind of relationship with their mothers, and I am learning now that many other people don't have that as well. I am thankful to have my mom's support because it helps me to be a good mom to my son. Because of my mom's help and advice, I welcomed my son with open arms and confidence that I could raise him well even though I am a single parent. Don't get me wrong, we've had our battles when my son was a baby, but now we've come to an understanding and she helps me raise him without being too intrusive or critical of my parenting. I go to a school that is very demanding of my time, and if it wasn't for my mother, I would be hindered from doing a lot of mandatory homework because of lack of evening daycare. I would also have to struggle to pay expensive rent if I didn't get along with my mother and have to move away from home. I am going to move out after I graduate, though, because as a woman I need to have my own space. But my heart goes out to the parents that don't have the support they need to raise children like I have with my mom. Thank you again. I will hug her when I get home.
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Old 04-16-2007, 02:39 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,158,807 times
Reputation: 13176
Quote:
Originally Posted by FilmCutter View Post
Not all parents who are financially able to care for their children are good parents, and not all parents who are financially disadvantaged are bad ones.
True. It sure does help to have a safety net, though.
My mom was alive and well when my kids were born, but she'd kind of already been there and done that and I can probably count on one hand how many times she babysat. It's wonderful that you had so much assistance, FilmCutter.
We all do the best we can with the hand we're dealt.
Children are resilient but they are people, not little accessories, and they and their parents need all the support they can get during those early years.
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Old 04-16-2007, 02:39 PM
 
Location: N.Y.C.
658 posts, read 2,186,485 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexander59 View Post
Don't have children if you can not invest in the time and money to take care of them. My children never saw the inside of a day care and I always worked, the solution was simple, one parent worked at night and one worked during the day.
how nice it is to lead your life
did you ever think that some people out there dont have the father of there child around so they dont have that option of picking and choosing when they would like to work
i guess we should all run off to the abortion clinics or just give the child away to foster care (which the child will be bounced around from one loveless home to another)when we find out were pregnant and will have to go back to work after its born to support it
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:02 PM
 
Location: NE Florida
9,362 posts, read 22,340,267 times
Reputation: 9263
Quote:
Originally Posted by jkmewright View Post
I am a mother who is raising her child in a one parent home (avoiding the use of "single" mother lol). The PLAN was for me to stay at home until my son was old enough for school. Things did not work out that way. Now I work and he is in daycare/preschool. Fortunately I found a wonderful place for my son to spend his day but it did cost me a pretty penny. Actually the monthly amount is 20% higher than my mortgage but I don't begrudge a cent as it's a great place. Again, I would have chosen to stay at home. Not all of those mothers who "dump" their kids off on other ppl to raise are women who don't want to raise their children. We are just women who do the best we can w/what we have.
I agree- moms get it either way. If they stay home, some women feel pressure of the expectation that they should have a "career", if they work some feel the pressure of the expectation that they are dumping their kids off for others to raise.

Studies that I have read show that kids do fine as long as the moms are okay with their decision. And safe, quality childcare is crucial if a working (outside of the home) mom is to feel that she has made the right decision.

The whole intent of the women's movement was to enable women to do whatever it is that is right for them. I never felt the need to be defensive about staying home with my kids and was actively involved in the women's movement in the late 70s when my first child was born. And when I had my second, I put him in a good preschool when he was about four and he really loved it. Both choices were the right ones.

I'm sorry that your plan to stay home didn't work out. But it sounds like you have found the next best thing. I'm a firm believer that if we shoot for what we want and make the best of what we end up with, it all works out.
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:18 AM
 
504 posts, read 1,619,324 times
Reputation: 324
I am lucky because I choose to have a baby by a responsible adult. I didn't do such a hot job with the first one, but I could afford that child by my self and she never saw a daycare either. I waited over fourteen years before I had another.
I think that anyone who gets subsidized daycare should have to pay the agency back when they are able.
I am tired of people that have more than one child and expect others to pick up the tab, In this day and age we have birth control, lots of options.
Most single women that have children choose to be a single parent, so I do not have much sympathy for them. Mothers almost all the time pick the other parent.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:21 PM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,328,998 times
Reputation: 892
Quote:
Originally Posted by FilmCutter View Post
Thank you so much. And I hug my mom as often as I can. I truly am blessed to have the kind of relationship that I have with my mother. She is my biggest supporter and cheerleader, always has been. Most of my friends don't have that kind of relationship with their mothers, and I am learning now that many other people don't have that as well. I am thankful to have my mom's support because it helps me to be a good mom to my son. Because of my mom's help and advice, I welcomed my son with open arms and confidence that I could raise him well even though I am a single parent. Don't get me wrong, we've had our battles when my son was a baby, but now we've come to an understanding and she helps me raise him without being too intrusive or critical of my parenting. I go to a school that is very demanding of my time, and if it wasn't for my mother, I would be hindered from doing a lot of mandatory homework because of lack of evening daycare. I would also have to struggle to pay expensive rent if I didn't get along with my mother and have to move away from home. I am going to move out after I graduate, though, because as a woman I need to have my own space. But my heart goes out to the parents that don't have the support they need to raise children like I have with my mom. Thank you again. I will hug her when I get home.

I also feel blessed my mom ALWAYS supported even through my growing pains and I was being a lillte $hit. I was not an easy teenager. But I love er dearly and have grown to love and respect her more after I had my children. She bought a home about five blocks from mine when I relocated to Miami from Chicago and I'm sure when and if I ever make to NC she'll be right behind me. I look forward to taking care of her as she agges; kind reoaying all the years shes taken care of me and my children.
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Old 04-23-2007, 12:39 PM
 
58 posts, read 229,212 times
Reputation: 29
Default No Choice

I have been a stay-at-home mom for three years (not counting the last 3 months spent waiting tables at night to make ends meet, finally!), and will go back to work as a teacher this fall. My husband and I tried to live on one income...with healthcare costs, living costs (we don't wear designer clothes--target anyone??), and all the other stuff it takes to raise a family, one income was impossible to live on. We are both college grads, struggling like we work minimum-wage jobs! We have found what I feel to be a very good care facility, Primrose Schools. Yes, we are paying a lot a month for my two daughters to be there. But, we will be able to afford to live in a good school district and provide them with the things they need without counting pennies. It's hard for young people to find jobs that sufficiently support a family on one income. It's been great to be at home, but it will also be great to actually live, not paycheck to paycheck scraping!
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Old 04-23-2007, 08:08 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,024,178 times
Reputation: 936
Make some cuts and changes and stay home with your kid. Why pay someone a large amount of money per week to essentially raise your kids? Daycare is bad for your kids. The three most important years of your child's live are the first three. The foundation is laid during that time that will build on who they are and become for the rest of their life. Who do you want shaping and cultivating that foundation? In my house it's me!
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