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Old 04-23-2007, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,843,712 times
Reputation: 1650

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Wow such strong opinions on both sides of the fence! Ok I'll throw in my 2 cents...LOL

I think although it would be lovely for everyone to stay home with their kids...it's not always best. I think the best solution is the solution that gives the child stability and happy parents.

Some women can't stay home, if they are the only person supporting the family (for whatever reason) and they should not be made to feel guilty for that. Believe me they have enough guilt.

Some women don't want to stay home, these women would be miserable at home all day and would be worse moms because of it. Happy parents make happy children. They should not be made to feel guilty for that.

Some women choose to stay home, we are in the minority here but we do exist. They also should not feel guilty for that.

I do stay home and you would not believe the number of working moms I have encountered that think I am either lazy or spoiled because we are lucky enough to be albe to pay our bills with me home. Occaisionally I have worked for extra money when needed but I've always chosen schedules that don't interfere with being home for the kids (tag team parenting), but I am a nurse and that is possible to do with the options of night shift and weekend only shifts. Even when working, since I don't work full time, I am still considered spoiled or lazy.

I don't think subsidizing day care is a bad idea as long as it is instead of welfare. I for one would rather see a family out supporting (or learning how to support) itself with the help of the government rather than living off of it.

As for abortion it's a personal choice, and no one should be forced into it. No one should be judged for it. And no one should think they are better than someone who did it because they didn't.

Foster care nightmares get a lot of press. Foster care success stories don't get any. Therefore even though the majority of foster care homes are made up of loving and caring individuals, the public will always focus on the negatives. I do think that parental ties should be severed quicker in this country to allow these children to find permanent homes sooner, but other than that hiring more social workers would vastly improve the system and make it easier to weed out the bad foster parents before the press does.

You can't win the mommy wars...so I have given up trying.
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Old 04-24-2007, 05:01 AM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,168,811 times
Reputation: 13181
Good daycare is not bad for children. And it is not "raising your kids."

If our society truly valued our children as much as it *professes* to, all teachers, whether preschool, elementary, or whatever, would be well-educated and well paid, and all daycare would be excellent.

There is a lot of handwringing about abortion and bad daycare and lost morals. The facts are that with today's economy, (not to mention the war) young parents, and subsequently, their offspring, are wrestling with all kinds of issues.

I agree with Irishmom that happy parents make happy children.
Different people choose different routes to contentment.
I don't think any parent can really "have it all," but having it all is, I think, a bit of a fantasy.
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Old 04-24-2007, 06:44 AM
 
4,963 posts, read 3,930,678 times
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I have been on both sides of the fence. I was a fulltime nanny for 5 years. Talk about all work and no play ; working from 6;30am until 6pm, getting paid about $130 per week (no kidding). Over nights, weekends etc. Now they are parents that should not have had children ; they had no time for them.

Then I ahd my own children. I was so lucky to be able to take them to work with me(self employed), then once they got to be about a year, they went to daycare ; only for the hours I genuily worked ; from maybe 10am until 4;30pm, but I still paid a lot of money ; $1600 per month for two children. When I saw a worker take the spoon out of my sons left hand and put it into his right hand, we quit. Then we had a friend watch the boys two days a week(thats really all I needed) until they went to school.

I always felt so bad for the children that were dropped off at 7am and not picked up until 6 or so. What kind of family life do they have? It is only the four of us here, so we have a very important job to make a family for our sons.
dorothy
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Old 04-24-2007, 08:51 AM
 
58 posts, read 229,260 times
Reputation: 29
Default Make some cuts??

Are you kidding me? We HAVE made the CUTS....that's how I got to stay home for the first three years of my oldest's life! But you can only make so many cuts before you take away essentials (health insurance, etc). I agree that not all situations make for an ideal "stay-at-home parent". Some people HAVE to work, whether for their own sanity, to support their family, or whatever reason. Daycares do NOT raise your children. They provide care while parents are working. Raising means providing the clothes on your child's back, feeding them nutritious food, loving them, and instilling morals. All these things can still be done when both parents work.
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Old 04-24-2007, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,178 posts, read 13,172,174 times
Reputation: 1256
SOme of us moms make the majority of household money - and I understand if I do then I will pay the pretty penny to put my child in the best Learning Center possible

One kid was $1500 a month

And that HURT us financially - but I can not afford to NOT work - if maybe I made 30 or 40 K and my husband was the big provider - then maybe I can find a way to "make cuts" But not when I'm making more then double what my husband does - and he doesn't do too shabby either.

My son was lucky to stay home with his grandma til age 2, and BOY did he need daycare and some social interaction with peers. Daycare was a great choice for us at the time and I'd spend the money all over again. He had more fun there then at home sometimes

And I hate to admit it - but because of federal nutritional regulations - he ate WAY better rounded meals then he ever did at home
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Old 04-24-2007, 09:08 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,025,912 times
Reputation: 936
Quote:
Originally Posted by tchrmom View Post
Some people HAVE to work, whether for their own sanity, to support their family, or whatever reason. Daycares do NOT raise your children. They provide care while parents are working.
Hmmm... let's say you work a 40 hour week at work. Add in 30 minutes each way for travel, so you are gone about 42-43 hours per week. That's a LOT of time for your kid to be learning morals and other things from someone else. A lot of time. Do you think the teaching of such things stops because you are at work?

I'd also like to ask what happened to doing what's best for the children? You said that some people work for their own sanity. Someone else mentioned that some women would be miserable at home. Give me a break.

They are kids. You get one shot at raising them. The first few years are EXTREMELY important in their development and who they will become for the rest of their lives. Putting them in daycare for over 2200 hours per year is not helping them become good people. Do the research, daycares are detrimental to kids.

You know how many stories disturbing I've heard from parents that use daycare? Kids crying that at the end of the day it's time to go home! Kids calling the "teacher" mommy! Kids that think the daycare is home and home is the daycare. Kids that are sick all the time because in daycare they continue to pass around the illnesses. I could go on and on...

Unless you are a psycho parent nobody does a better job raising your kid than you. Your child NEEDS you at that young age. Not some daycare worker. They need YOU! Please stop thinking you can be replaced so easily and it won't matter in your child's life. It will!

I belive that by and large this is why so many kids in society are a mess today! Too many parents put their responsibility on someone else. They have kids and have someone else do their job. Put a parent in the home and see how fast kids straighten up and fly right.
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Old 04-25-2007, 04:22 AM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,168,811 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWingsFan View Post
Do some research on the subject. Yes. They are. Even if they are good daycares. Little kids need their parents.
I am a parent of two grown children and have taught preschool for over 25 years, 20 of them in the same excellent school.
I know what I am talking about. I have certainly seen my share of psycho parents, of all socio-economic backgrounds.
Do I think dropping off a child at 6am and picking her up at 7 is okay?
Heck no. That never even would be allowed at my former school.
However, it's crazy to sacrifice health insurance just so mom can pat herself on the back for staying home with the child. Little kids know who their parents are, believe me--I've seen it. They will get plenty of TLC at a good daycare program.

Parenting is a difficult, important gig. I agree that parents need to take responsibility for their offspring. As I said before, children are not little accessories, along with a white picket fence, to the Great American Dream.

I think it's great that some moms or dads can stay home with their children, it's true, they will never be that little again.
I certainly do not think all daycares are good--and never said so.
However, I would not paint them all, or the parents who use them, with the same brush.
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Old 04-26-2007, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,906 posts, read 6,126,861 times
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Quote:
Cil: I certainly do not think all daycares are good--and never said so.
However, I would not paint them all, or the parents who use them, with the same brush.
I think you're right, Cil. I both worked and stayed home at various points with my daughter. When I was working part-time, I was fortunate that my female boss had also recently had a child, and we both brought our children to work with us -- they played on a blanket on the floor and we took turns taking breaks and getting lunches. It was a good situation.

Later, my daughter was in Head Start -- it was wonderful for her. She loved the social interaction.

When she was in elementary school, I again was fortunate to find an amazing after school program that was run by the county at a beautiful county park with a big house for the indoor programs, and tennis courts, a swimming pool, and hiking trails along the creek. She adored this program so much, and made many friends, friends she still has. It was extremely well-run and affordable, plus they had scholarships for low-income people.

As for the activist part, I did my part on that as well. For the summer program, they wanted the entire "tuition" up-front, which I couldn't do. So, I went to our local County Supervisor, explained the situation, had documentation, proposed a two-week payment plan (pay every two weeks instead of for the entire summer ahead of time), and he actually made it a county policy which continues to this day!

Having been home awhile with my daughter and also having her in some very good programs, I think that the programs benefited her the most because she was involved with other children, the recreation leaders (in the after-school program, in particular) were fabulous, they brought in people who were dancers, artists, firemen, musicians, skateboarders, sculptors, etc., and the kids were exposed to a multitude of cultural activities.

My daughter still talks with such delight about her years in that County program (she was too young to remember much about Head Start).

The bottom line is that the programs are way too expensive. Some parents truly want to be parents, but cannot afford not to work -- yet if you strongly desire to be a parent and love children, then you will most likely be a good parent -- regardless of day care or not.

This country needs to get its priorities set straight -- all this talk about focus on the family, and yet the typical family trying to make it day-to-day seems to be forgotten. Therefore, many mothers have to work to provide for their children. It's a shame that America cares so little about its children and future adults. But that's just my opinion.
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Old 04-26-2007, 04:07 PM
 
48 posts, read 241,710 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisteria View Post
The bottom line is that the programs are way too expensive. Some parents truly want to be parents, but cannot afford not to work -- yet if you strongly desire to be a parent and love children, then you will most likely be a good parent -- regardless of day care or not.

This country needs to get its priorities set straight -- all this talk about focus on the family, and yet the typical family trying to make it day-to-day seems to be forgotten. Therefore, many mothers have to work to provide for their children. It's a shame that America cares so little about its children and future adults. But that's just my opinion.
I agree that some parents just don't have any choice. Due to circumstances beyond their control, they need daycare for their children. I also agree that America needs to get their priorities straight. I think too many people view "wants" as "needs" and it's a huge mistake.

However, if you want to see truly poor people, then travel outside of the borders of this country. You will see people who literally only have the clothes on their backs, people who eat bread and broth because there IS nothing else, people who walk if public transportation is not available because owning a car is a DREAM.

Providing child care is NOT the federal government's responsibility. It's not their job to run it or supervise it or regulate it. Just where does the state or federal government get their money? From three primary sources: sales tax, property tax and income tax. The federal government's responsibility is to provide for the defense of its citizens and its borders, to maintain an infrastructure to enable commerce, to enact and enforce laws governing the conduct of its citizens--things that benefit ALL citizens.

The idea that the goverment can just pay for whatever program it wants is ludicrous. Look what's happening to social security! We all have to pay in even though we all will not be able to benefit. Too many people will think it's another "right" that the government should provide "X" because they want it. Name it--health care, child care, retirement.

We all want what is best for our children. We would love to have someone provide horseback lessons, French lessons, violin lessons or math tutoring -- you name it -- to our kids. Unfortunately, it's a reality of life but sometimes we need to make do with what we have. What would drive us on to try to achieve more success if we didn't have some dissatisfaction with our current situation?
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Old 04-26-2007, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
560 posts, read 1,967,648 times
Reputation: 413
I have 3 daughters and my husband and I both work. I happen to be a teacher so I do get most of the same holidays off that my children do. My youngest is 4 and will go to kindergarten in the fall. Currently we pay $1200 monthly for childcare. This is for all day childcare for my 4 year old and before and after care for the other two. I would never complain about how much childcare costs. It is worth every penny to me to know that my children are safe and cared for during the day. Our children are our most precious assets. We both work because we want to give our children a good life style. They all attend private school and play numerous sports. All of this costs money. Things are so different than when we were children. It is fine and dandy to say staying home with your child is the best option, but how good is it when they want to participate in activities that you can't afford to pay for. We could live on just one income, but we would just be existing. There would be no movies, no vacations, no eating out etc. I also think it is important for my children to realize that you need to work hard and sacrifice for things in life. I realize that staying home can be a sacrifice also, but how long should you stay home? I was home with each of my children until the age of 2. I have to say, I became a much better parent when I went back to work and had interests outside the home. As a teacher I have a lot of experience with parents who wrap their entire lives around their children and those children have so much pressure on them that they can hardly breath without consulting their parents. Yes, childcare is expensive, but so is a new car, a new house and family vacations. In my opinion, childcare is worth every penny and I look at it as an investment. Some people spend more per month on their car payment than on their childcare. That speaks volumes of the priorities in their lives. I get so tired of hearing people complain about how expensive childcare is. At least you get to write it off on your taxes!! You can't write off your car payments!!!!
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