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Old 04-26-2007, 04:55 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,022,416 times
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5kingsinvegas - You did your whole post about how you think children are the most important thing in life and that people should not complain about the cost of daycare.

My response? If they are the most important thing in life, which I agree they are, then you should not complain about raising them yourself and staying home with them. You would think you would want the care of your most important thing left to you and not to someone else. Personally I would think your kids would be much better off if you saved your $1200 per month in childcare costs and stay home and raised your own kids.

It KILLS me to see/hear people say they were BETTER parents when they were not home to parent. Puh-lease!!!! Being away from them doesn't make you a better parent. It makes you an absent parent. Someone is still parenting during those hours, the kids don't get put on pause until you get home. If going to work outside the home 40 hours per week makes you a "better" parent, just think what being away from the kids 24/7 would do! You would probably get an award for parent of the year for that one!

Kids need at least one parent in the home the vast majority of time (I'm talking parents take a night to go to dinner/movies). Not both parents are working and the baby/toddler is being dropped off at daycare like it's dry cleaing.
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Old 04-26-2007, 06:41 PM
 
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I guess as long as I'm staying home it's alright...I just hope the kids don't get very hungry, or sick, or need new clothes...I also hope the house doesn't need a repair, or the car need to be fixed, or any other "out-of-the-ordinary-happens-every-month-expense" occurs, because we are barely scraping by as it is. But I'll be a better parent than if I worked outside the home, right?
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Old 04-26-2007, 08:45 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,022,416 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tchrmom View Post
I guess as long as I'm staying home it's alright...I just hope the kids don't get very hungry, or sick, or need new clothes...I also hope the house doesn't need a repair, or the car need to be fixed, or any other "out-of-the-ordinary-happens-every-month-expense" occurs, because we are barely scraping by as it is. But I'll be a better parent than if I worked outside the home, right?
How about cutting back on expenses? Most dual working parents also have bigger expenses. They want bigger fancier cars, eat out more, spend more on clothing for work, etc.

According to your theory I wonder how civilization has gotten this far. Considering daycares were created out of necessity during WWII (now it's not a necessity). People like to keep up with the Jone's too much and are not willing to find alternative ways to make ends meet. How about working from home? Trust me, you would probably surprise yourself to learn that until your kids are of school age, you really CAN afford to stay home with them. You can take those few years off. And if someone is a teacher and paying $1200/month in childcare how much are they really adding into the family resource pot each month??? A teacher doesn't make much, then subtract childcare, clothing, classroom expenses, extra vehicle expenses (insurance, gas, etc.), etc. and there's probably not much left. So someone else raises the kid during those important years for ... peanuts???

Let me tell you this... I've NEVER heard a mom say they wish they had spent less time with their kids and worked outside the home. But I've heard working moms over and over say they wish they would have stayed home those years with their kids. Stay at home moms never have regrets, moms who put their kids in daycare feel guilty (because they know it's wrong and not good for them) and they quite often regret that they did it.

Let's say your average career will be 35 years. I think you can take off 5 to be with your little one until she/he's in school. I thought they were the most important thing... they aren't worth 5 dedicated years to making sure they get started in life on the right foot? They are to me.
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Old 04-27-2007, 01:43 AM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,839,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWingsFan View Post
Let me tell you this... I've NEVER heard a mom say they wish they had spent less time with their kids and worked outside the home.
You probably didn't ask any of them while they were still at home. From my perspective (and I did keep both kids home until they were three) if you had asked me in the middle of the terrorist toddler years...I would have probably wanted to be at work. Just sayin...
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Old 04-27-2007, 01:51 AM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,839,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 5kingsinvegas View Post
Redwingfan:
It is easy to say that dual parent working families are just materialistic. That may be true, but I for one want my children to be able to have vacations, go out to dinner, go to movies, have nice clothes to wear and participate in activities. The truth is, things are just more expensive today. It takes two incomes to have any extras and not worry when something breaks or needs to be replaced. The other thing is, it is not just the quantity of time spent at home, it is the quality of that time. Since I am at work during the day, when I come home at night the time I spend with my children is quality time. You can't tell me that every waking moment you are home with your child you are spending quality time.
Let's see, true, true, true, true...yup clearly you are right here.

And as a stay at home (two kids one 5th grade one preschool) mom whose kids are in school (yup I'm completely spoiled, I admit it) I can tell you even with them out of the house 6 hrs a day every minute I spend with them is not completely quality. It can't be...there is homework to do (let me tell you that is NOT quality time with my 10 year old!), baths to give, food to cook, errands to run, etc. And dang sometimes you just have a headache and don't want to do stuff with them...let's be real.

If you ask my children what kind of mother I am they will say I'm the best mother in the world, and I am for them. That's what all mothers are the best for their individual children whether they work or not. Happy parents make happy children.
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Old 04-27-2007, 05:01 AM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,022,416 times
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Moderator cut: personal/off topic

Again I point out that psychologically the three most important years of a child's life are the first three. It's where they learn the foundation of who they will be for the rest of their life. I wouldn't put those first years of my children in the hands of anyone daycare, even if it where free.

Regarding the income issue - I agree that it's largely a two parent income today. People have made it that way. We also need two incomes so that we can provide our kids a really nice house in a great neigbhorhood, vacations, entertainment, etc. That's why I used my skills to start a career from home. It's something I believe everyone can do, most moms don't though because they lack the confidence in thinking they can actually make money from working at home part time. I give my kids all those things... and I'm here to raise them as well. I'm teaching my kids that I value them enough to be home with them and to work and make a living. It doesn't have to be one or the other... you can have both if you are motivated.
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Old 04-27-2007, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,839,295 times
Reputation: 1650
I did a research paper on brain development from zero to three...and it is the most important time of a child's life as far as laying the foundation for their adult emotional health and well being. According to the studies I read though it's the overall quality of the child's experience that matters, so even if in daycare or with a nanny as long as it's a positive experience the child does fine. And you do get what you pay for definitely, but unfortunately quality day care costs big bucks and not everyone is in the position to afford such care...and that's where the big problem is in this country. More and more two parent families have to both work just to meet the needs of the family and God forbid you are a single parent household then you are really stuck.

Like I said I know I am both blessed and spoiled to be able to stay home, my husband makes just enough to pay the bills and afford us enough to pay for one outside activity and a reasonable vacation each year. So again I'm in the rare position of choosing to stay home with no real sacrifice (except for when I worked we did have a cleaning lady...I miss her!) so my oppinions are probably not as strong as others here. But I do think as long as you do the best you can and are happy, your kids will be happy too and therefore fine. But that's my two cents, and probably all it's worth.
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Old 04-27-2007, 09:15 AM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,148,217 times
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At the Head Start where I substitute now, the adult/child ratio is 1 to 4.
But I think the regulations might be different for at-home family daycare.

RedWings, I think it's great that you are so committed to fulfilling your parental role as you see fit.
I too am committed as a parent and as a preschool teacher. I can never take the place of a preschooler's parents, and both child and parent know that.
They also understand, and I think appreciate, that I take my job very seriously.

No matter how motivated, not every parent's skills or talents translate into telecommuting or other at-home careers, and not everyone can do what they need to do in 2 or 3 hours.

It's not a perfect world and each family just has to do the best they can with their particular scenario.
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Old 04-27-2007, 11:50 AM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,148,217 times
Reputation: 13176
Moderator cut: removed (off-topic post you were quoting was edited/deleted)


I happen to *enjoy* spending time with young children, and I think I am pretty talented at it; I have made a difference for the good in a lot of children's lives. An added bonus was that it worked out well when I had kids of my own.

I am sorry that good childcare is so costly and I am sorry if some parents abuse the use of it.
But that should not tarnish what good childcare can do, nor the devoted parents who have need of it.
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Old 04-27-2007, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,839,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayzie View Post
My daughter will be starting day care soon and I'm stunned at the cost. I'm sure many of you are in the same boat. I've been researching less expensive alternatives, but have had no luck so far. I read that the average family spends 25% of their income on "sub-par care". (Care is “sub-par” because many teachers make less than parking attendants resulting in high turnover rates). Unfortunately, I have not been able to find a reasonable solution. Anyone have any suggestions.

This article did give some insight into policy changes for those of us activists. This includes getting the States involved and getting better wages for teachers. I guess I can only hope to initiate child care reform before I consider having child number two.

http://www.divinecaroline.com/articl...P=KNC-DC_YSM_6
Back to the original poster...just in case they are paying attention to this thread. Do you need child care of an infant or care for a pre-schooler? If it's care of an infant then you may want to try and Au-Pair agency...I've had many friends who have had wonderful experiences doing this and it's truly reasonable for infant care. The Au-Pair will work (I think this is right, check though) 45 hours a week for about $270 dollars a week. They commit to a year with you, but if you don't like them or they don't like you they will terminate the contract at will. Just a thought...also private Nannies are usually cost effective if they live in also. Either way though you would have to be comfortable having someone live in your house. Good luck!
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