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Sadly his mother has Alzheimer's and his daddy is really hard of hearing now so at this point I'm sure it doesn't register at all with them. I want to slap him every time he starts his rant!
I'm an adult now who was one of those kids who moved around a lot.
I hated every single move, I hated being the new kid all the time. I hated saying goodbye to friends all the time. I came from a good family, but when I moved at the beginning of my senior year, I got so heavily into drugs, and thankful that later on I came back out of that.
POSITIVES about moving around a lot. Well, I learned easily how to say goodbye to people. I learned not to have strong attachments to people. Which in turn, enabled me to constantly wander all over the world without thinking much of anything of 'picking up and going'. I'm able to meet people quickly as well, and see things that someone else who never went anywhere can't see things. I also developed an adventureous spirit, and willing to 'take risks' well beyond what others would do - hell, I even moved to Brazil once without money, and made it work for six months.
NEGATIVES: Well, I'm on facebook now. I remember all of the many places I lived, but they don't always remember me. Fortunately one school that I spent most of my High School does consider me as one of their own, despite not being able to graduate there. So they've fortunately accepted me as a person from there. But, I personally know that I wasn't. I simply lived there for a few years and had that connection, but didn't grow up there or anywhere else either, so have no real connection with that place.
I'm also very distant with my parents. They taught me how to say goodbye and not develop attachments to anyone or anything, and I wasn't around extended family members either, so while I know them all, I don't have any strong connections with them either. So wander away I did.
On the plus side, I've always gravitated to similar people - rootless people, international people, expats abroad - I'm an expat abroad as well. So I do have a large community of friends that I've known for years and years. It's been real easy to live as an expat abroad as well, as I don't have any strong attachments to any particular place 'back home'. I still keep wondering where I'd even go if I did 'go back home'.
I also have a brother, and he became the opposite of me. As soon as he turned 18, he just quickly settled down in the area that we spent the most time - 3 years during 9th-11th grade. He's never left that area, and raising a family there.
I think kids go either one way or the other from my observation. Either they are so sick of moving around, and they decide when I have kids, I'm settling down and never moving. Or two, they become like me, and just completely rootless, they have no idea what to call home or where it would be, and spend their entire lifetime searching it out - I've lived in about 5 countries and 8 u.s. states the last 20 years after graduating high school, and still trying to figure out where to call home. I'd like to go back to the U.S. again, and constantly trying to figure out where that place might be.
speaking from experience, moving too often is extremly hard on children especially if it is to a place that is much different then where they grew up. and if you don't include them in the decision they may lose trust in you which is very hard to regain
speaking from experience, moving too often is extremly hard on children especially if it is to a place that is much different then where they grew up. and if you don't include them in the decision they may lose trust in you which is very hard to regain
In a perfect world this is possible.
My father was transfered often so it wasn't a matter of involving your children in the decision to move.
I'll agree with involving them in the move process and discovering the new town but the decision is the parents.
As much as we hated to move we understood that. We could do what we wanted after we moved out but not before.
I didn't lose any "trust" in my parents. There must be other problems in the family for that to happen.
speaking from experience, moving too often is extremly hard on children especially if it is to a place that is much different then where they grew up. and if you don't include them in the decision they may lose trust in you which is very hard to regain
For me it's the opposite, I never moved as a child but I will do everything to keep my kids in one place the whole time they are growing up.
Most of us attended school from day one until graduation but there were always the "new kids" and most of them moved out and never became part of that permanent set of people you know growing up. I always thought it must have been awful to land in a classroom not knowing anyone, not having the same teachers as the rest had, coming from another school and "home" wouldn't really be that same stable, permanent sanctuary.
Families today move more than in the past I think, kids that don't move can still lose a good number of friends because those friends had to pack up and move. Still -- my kids I think feel a little left out, they never had that thrill of packing and moving into a new house and they ask "why didn't we ever move?"
I went to 21 schools before getting kicked out of the last one.
I was a mensa member, but never made friends or got good grades or was counseled to plan for college. i got involved with people who were outgoing with me, and since i was a pretty girl, that wasn't the best plan. . .
When I moved out in my mid teens I came to boca raton where we had lived for the longest time during my childhood. I am still there. I need to move to get my son into a better school district (he is going into second grade and is still at the montessori I stared him at for preschool).
the stress of trying to move overwhelms me now. i have been all summer lookign at places, talkign to principals. people say, just do something, if ou don't like it you can change your mind later, but I want to make a choice we can live with until it is time to go to middle school, at least. i do not want himt o go through what I did. it was hell.
i can walk into any room and talk to anyone, i can travel, fold in, speak in public, etc, yes.
but i am isolated and lonely, and have never had a truly rewarding relationship or marriage, etc. . .
and i am a nice, educated (dual phd), attractive, and fun person who people gravitate towards, i just tend to isolate myself and have not been able to change that.
no fun to be a single mom dealing with cancer and not feel like i can ask anyone for help. . .
so i think it is very important to teach children to develop lasting intimate friendships and fostering a sense of self worth that is independent of whether they are liked and accepted by the crowd
i don't know how to do that in the midst of moving. i wish i owned a home in a great school district and had a significant other to help pa the bills and make decisions so that it would be easier to provide what i want to. but all i can do is the best with what i have got
and if you don't include them in the decision they may lose trust in you which is very hard to regain
Military families many times do not have a choice on where they will be moving. It is made for them and their children cannot decide. The military has instituted a new policy though were children who are entering their senior year of high school, the military member & family is granted the choice to stay and finish and then they will be transferred to a new post.
It's hard on everyone. But many times and for many reasons, children may not have the choice & have to learn to adjust. It's tough but families such as military families have been and will continue to keep having to do it.
Depending on the child, kids can develop a sense of constant disruption of friendships, studies, and activities that can make a child feel that life is full of fragments and that it can be hard to reconnect and maintain the past while re-establishing and redefining a base over and over again. Then again, some kids are naturally able to cope well with frequent change as it helps them develop a tolerance to different people, situations, cultures etc. But it's not for everyone since that can turn into never being satisfied with the status quo or prevent them from developing a long-term rhythm, sense of commitment.
It's Much worse when relocating during the middle and high school years. Those are already such difficult periods during adolescence when kids are trying to fit in and gain acceptance by their peers and classmates. The established social circles rarely break open a spot for newbies unless there's something outstanding about the child (ie: athletics, etc.)
Try to make sure there's a local welcome and support group at the core of the community especially for expats who often have to adjust to a new country, culture, language, etc
We're a family that's lived in 6 different states in the last 10 years of our 16 year marriage (my husband's job...although he's not affiliated with the military in any way, so we don't have that support system). I consider our family to be strong, friendly, out-going, & committed to our Christian faith. I'm a stay-at-home mom, we have three kids - 2 in middle school, one in high school. We're involved in the community, extracurricular stuff, sports, and church (to an extent...we go most Sundays, but that's about it).
So, now i'm faced with another relocation...we've been at our current home for less than a year. I'm wondering if anyone else has experience with moving their children multiple times during their childhood. What type of effect does that have on a kid. Short term, it is heartbreaking...what about long term?
They seem to bounce back after each move. They forge new friendships and stay pretty enthusiastic about life in general. My oldest son's grades haves slipped pretty badly...i wonder if that has something to do with the fact he's entering his teen years? They are wonderful children - i don't want constant moving to negatively impact the way they see the world and forge long-term relationships.
Please post your personal insight on how constant moving affected either you, your children, or your family? Thanks for your insight and opinions!
I've been there, done that - moved about 10 times before I was 15. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the experience (relatively smart/wise, and outgoing), but I feel like moving so much in retrospect was absolutely inexcusable by my parents.
Of course the theory was that my father was getting better jobs/more money, and we were supporting his career as the primary breadwinner. The truth is that his career didn't go as planned despite the personal and financial sacrifices, and indeed my mother's career and educational progression was significantly hindered, as was my and my sibling's ability to develop long-lasting childhood friendships. Lastly, I've now little sense of geographical connection to anywhere because of all the moves - something that is becoming all too common in the US, but something I don't wish upon anyone else.
Of course hindsight is 20/20 but seriously folks... if a breadwinner really seems to think it's necessary to move to get a new job, and this happens more than once or twice post-children, then they need to sit down with their spouse and have a serious discussion about the future and their personal sense of reality. Each move conservatively will set the family back several thousand dollars, so the financial benefits of the move/new job really need to be analyzed. Each move will absolutely have both negative and positive affects on the children and spouse with emphasis on the negatives. Of course time spent developing relationships with friends is usually lost as long-distance friendships don't seem to stand the test of time (trust me, from massive experience). If the moves take you away from blood-relatives this needs to be considered very carefully. In this world of ours, family is extremely important from a psychological and support structure standpoint. Barring dysfunctional relationships, do not underestimate having grandparents, aunts and uncles nearby your children.
If I have one regret as a child it is that as smart and articulate and insightful as I was, I never thought it was my place to tell my parents how I felt about my father picking up and moving us all over the US whenever he left a job, was laid off, or a job disappeared due to a merger/consolidation or corporate cutback. I would at least feel today that I gave it a shot to influence my father positively.. to encourage him perhaps to strike out on his own when climbing the corporate ladder was so obviously not his thing.
If there's one regret I have as an adult it is moving away from my family after college due to the influence of my spouse. She gave the same excuses as my father used to and made wild claims about a lack of jobs in one of the world's largest and most populated metro-areas. In retrospect I should have spoken to the experiences I had growing up and emphasized being close to family. Instead we relocated hundreds of miles from any family members for her career which has meant that our own children have seen less of their aunts/uncles and grandparents than even I did growing up. Fortunately we do happen to be in an awesome area, but unfortunately no family has relocated out this direction yet and nearly every holiday and vacation time we have is spent with us driving or flying out to visit family who our children would otherwise never see.
Career/earning money seems important to most of you, and some of you may even feel it's worth moving hundreds or thousands of miles for. From my experience I can tell you it isn't. If you want income, adventure and excitement there's a lot of ways to achieve those things without moving your family. Just my two cents.
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