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Old 08-18-2009, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Ashburn, VA
577 posts, read 2,054,730 times
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I think Mbuszu makes an interesting point. If as you get older you realize that your parents moved for reasons you don't agree with it can make you resentful. I moved several times in grade school, but one was to a new state with better jobs (it really was a good thing), and the other times it was to a different house but within the same school district.

Right before I started high school my parents divorced and after that I moved a lot with my mother. I pretty much rolled with it but I definitely noticed a difference in my attachment to other kids. It's hard to be the new person and I sort of felt like they all had their own friends so they didn't need me. That probably wasn't true, but I felt like that and so it influenced how I felt about the other kids. During high school I had some friends but not close ones to see outside of school.

On the other hand, if a child has problems in his/her school then moving can be a good thing and give them a fresh start with new kids. It would be hard to be with the same kids all through school if a kid didn't get along with them.

If nothing else, college is a fresh start and many "kids" really come into their own there.
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Old 08-19-2009, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,256 posts, read 8,885,888 times
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Speaking from personal experience as a military brat, it does affect them.

What I can say to you about your son, is moving at that time is particularly hard because the chances of them getting involved with the wrong crowd are more likely due to peer pressure and just wanting to "fit in". I'm not surprised his grades are slipping.

If it's necessary to do it, IMO, it's best to try to stay in one place for longer periods in the formative years. Mainly, junior high school, and then when then once they have entered high school. These are times when many kids from different schools are coming together in a new place, so they are all pretty much in the same boat.

My dad being USMC, managed to stay in VA for about 10 years. We were lucky, until he retired, and they took both my brother and myself out of high school. From there we were in 4 different schools in 4 years. This I DON'T recommend.
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Old 08-19-2009, 05:54 PM
 
Location: 89074
500 posts, read 745,956 times
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I grew up military and I can definitely say it affects each child differently. I found it was a great experience for me, and I think helped shape my flexibility in life. I moved a lot for work, both in the US and internationally, and I think my background made that easier for me. However, I've sort of settled down for now and don't move as much. I do wonder what it would have been like to have deeper roots.

However, my brother was deeply affected by moving. It was never good for him. When asked to draw a picture of his family in 1st grade, he drew a moving truck in front of the house. So OP, my best advice is, keep a very open dialogue with your kids, esp. if you see things like grades slipping. Acknowledge their viewpoint and point out the positives of each change. Try ways to help them find interests that will work in any place. ie. if your ds is into skating, there will probably always be a skater group in any school. HTH, good luck in your moves.
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Old 08-28-2009, 12:49 PM
 
11 posts, read 41,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LVKim8 View Post
Try ways to help them find interests that will work in any place.
I'm thinking that may be the key to the whole puzzle. For us, the activity was the AAU Track and Field team, and Pop Warner Football. And it seems the more parent intensive it is, the more helpful it is in helping the kids fit it. I was a parent volunteer for my kids track team when we first moved to california -- they were fairly little at the time, but it was a great experience for them because they had the benefit of having adults know them, direct them, and see them excel and cheer for them. Kinda like family. All the kids knew each other, all the adults knew the kids...we were all working for a common cause, and we were all exhausted at the end of those days. The track team we were on wasn't very good (competitively speaking), but it was really a God-Send in terms of developing a surrogate family and putting down roots.

Being involved as a family in the community is key -- and i thinks it's very helpful if that involvement requires parents and kids to work alongside each other. Preparing for "the big game" is one thing, but the more memorable moments come through working the concession stand, or doing carwashes, or sitting in the stands and letting your kids walk around and eat cotton candy and hotdogs while they're waiting for their time on the field. Enjoying the end of season picnic. Sharing fruit and bottled water in the summer -- and sitting under a shared blanket in the winter. These are the things that make up memories. The key is being involved and finding a group of people to share your live with.
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Old 09-10-2009, 06:26 PM
 
2,776 posts, read 3,963,719 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashburnite View Post
I think Mbuszu makes an interesting point. If as you get older you realize that your parents moved for reasons you don't agree with it can make you resentful.
FYI my point was never that moving could make you resentful - I'm not resentful. My point was was that moving a lot when younger (and again when older) has provided me with a unique perspective on it. As parents you need to be aware that although it may appear to be, moving isn't the solution to financial nor occupation woes for most situations. Additionally, moving away from your family support structure is something not to be taken lightly.
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