Becoming a SAHM in THIS Economy?! (babysitting, meal, teens, pregnant)

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by the3Ds

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I worked full time for 9 of those years (including the first 5 of my daughter's life). I worked for the first few years to pay bills, then we moved up to paying off debt and the 8th year was spent socking cash away into an 6-month living expenses emergency fund. The last year, we worked towards the goal of living on just my husband's salary. Every paycheck went into savings and we tried to see how we would do after a full year of just living on his income. I'm glad we did the full year because expenses come up (like car registration, furnace maintenance, Christmas, birthdays, vacations, etc) which can make or break your budget for a month.

Jumping off your post.....And that's exactly how anyone can do it.

If any posters were reading my particular posts and thinking I was suggesting that anyone just stop working without thought or planning then they read something into them that wasn't there.

My post said clearly...."someone willing and able to plan for it certainly can do it"...and ...."No one said it would be a walk in the park nor easy. It takes commitment and adjustments, but truly anyone who wants to can find the way to do it."

No, we don't know this particular OP and only her family and her can figure out how to make it work and how long it may take....but it CAN be done.

[maciesmom]

Originally Posted by hypocore

Jumping off your post.....And that's exactly how anyone can do it.

If any posters were reading my particular posts and thinking I was suggesting that anyone just stop working without thought or planning then they read something into them that wasn't there.

My post said clearly...."someone willing and able to plan for it certainly can do it"...and ...."No one said it would be a walk in the park nor easy. It takes commitment and adjustments, but truly anyone who wants to can find the way to do it."

No, we don't know this particular OP and only her family and her can figure out how to make it work and how long it may take....but it CAN be done.

Not every job offers health insurance. Not every husband makes enough to cover the cost of independent insurance. Even with no debt (other than a mortgage or rent) and even with modest other expenses (small mortgage etc). It is unrealistic to expect that people go without insurance and without being able to contribute somewhat to their own retirement. It is not always possible. Many people can make a go of it with less than they currently have but to say anyone can if they just want to badly enough is an insult IMO.

[flik_becky]

Been there done that. I quit my job. It was more drawn out thatn it needed to be for about 5 months. But for me, the first moment I lost heart for the job was when I had permission to take two weekends off in a row. One was for my daughters dance recital and the other an important event for my husband's business. They switched scheduling systems. We were told ahead of time to get our time offs in by such and such a date and they would transfer them to the new system. When the new system came out, many employees did not have the days off they needed. Managers assumed that the employees were playing them and said no one could have any days off that did not transfer. (I must point out an evil employee from the office may have botched the days for the people she didn't like.) Anyway, I was told I couldn't go to either, repeatively and adamantly by all my bosses. I took a manager aside and pointed out my long lasting dedication to the company and pointed out some personal sacrificed I had recently made for their convenience. I also pointed out how I had, prior to putting the days in, talked to them about those days to let them know they were coming up. I also pointed out, other than these two events, I had only taken my kids b-days off all year. That was it. I reminded him how much of a full plate I run and I enjoy the challenge but I just have to stop and look at it all when someone else comes along and pushes my family off that plate. I was given the choice to get one of the two weekends off, my choice. Needless to say, I was there for my daughter but my husband's business, the one that brought in the dough, suffered.

Later, when I had other issues of two family deaths, I was given time for them but I heard the issues it caused from other employees. Then the head boss comes in during a meeting and says that some people need to suck it up and grow up when it comes to personal issues. He pointed out his dog had died and no one could tell and he came back to work the next day. I guess you can't look sad when your aunt, MIL, AND dog die within just a few weeks.

Another employee and I nearly walked out because of this. The other guy had just had his child still born AND his little brother convicted for murder, normally a good kid who he helped raise, so it was especially devastating for him.

Anyway, when it comes to my family, it was during this time that I also went through how much I was missing and I decided that it wasn't worth it. I didn't REALLY need the job finacially. It was just a nice extra. But you stil worry with the way the economy is. It is an unstable time for a small business. You never know what will happen. We've had our ups and downs but we're still doing ok.

Good luck with whatever your choice. Know that you're not the only one going through it.

[skbs]

FB is right.... you never know what will happen.... I am here every day with my kids and I worry about my husband's job... if he will go to work and come home to tell me I need to go out tomorrow and get some applications out there.... YES IT IS SCARY... and I am sure I am not the only SAHM who thinks it about it on a regular basis.... when you hear about the local business having serious cutbacks on the news... will your husband be next??? But you have to hope and pray it isn't.... and PLAN.... and be ready to get out there yourself if he is... plan for that too! just in case....

[maciesmom]

Originally Posted by skbs

FB is right.... you never know what will happen.... I am here every day with my kids and I worry about my husband's job... if he will go to work and come home to tell me I need to go out tomorrow and get some applications out there.... YES IT IS SCARY... and I am sure I am not the only SAHM who thinks it about it on a regular basis.... when you hear about the local business having serious cutbacks on the news... will your husband be next??? But you have to hope and pray it isn't.... and PLAN.... and be ready to get out there yourself if he is... plan for that too! just in case....

Well honestly pretty much everyone worries about that regardless of whether they are SAH or not. The point is not that people aren't worried about things, the OP was asking about whether in this economy it was possible. Well, sometimes yes (although of course that increases the worry factor), and honestly, sometimes it's no, regardless of how much you'd like the answer to be yes. It just depends. I think most people are worried about things right now....

[skbs]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

Well honestly pretty much everyone worries about that regardless of whether they are SAH or not. The point is not that people aren't worried about things, the OP was asking about whether in this economy it was possible. Well, sometimes yes (although of course that increases the worry factor), and honestly, sometimes it's no, regardless of how much you'd like the answer to be yes. It just depends. I think most people are worried about things right now....

correct, my point was that even though one stays home with their children it is important to be prepared to have your resume ready to go just in case. We don't know when we will need it.... Right now I am volunteering in my daughter's school and doing as much PTA geared activities so I can fluff up my TEACHER resume.... making connections and doing everything I can in case I do need a job in the near future... that was all I was trying to get at.... It is all part of being prepared to STAY HOME... actually.... the whole just in case... in this economy

[nuala]

I think the plus of THIS economy is that people are opening their eyes on the wasteful ways society used to run... Attention of people (not necessarily parents) is turning to frugality. Here on C-D we have a Frugal Living forum: http://www.city-data.com/forum/frugal-living/ People can live on much less than they thought they could.

Shortly after I became a SAHM, I read "I Don't Know How She Does It" Amazon.com: I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother: Allison Pearson: Books - a humorous book about a woman who is torn between her family and her job.

"I need my husband to be more like a woman, so that I can go out and work like a man." And, "How do you say you have to leave early because the baby is sick without saying a) baby and b) leave?" "When a man excuses himself from a meeting to attend his son's game, he is patted on the back and when a woman needs to leave early she is not 'committed enough'?"

I identified with her being torn, even though I quit working immediately after my first kid was born. There was not much planning in our case though. I went straight from being a single professional earning $80K to a family life under $30K. The husband is no lawyer but at least he wouldn't fire himself, neither. Yep, we learned to live, the 4 of us, on under $30K. Not much shopping happening here Yet, when I look at my kids (6 and 4.5), I see in hindsight, that the first child would have survived superbly in a daycare - she is born to dazzle. The second is another thing - he's one of those kids who'd suffer immensely in daycare, who would be whining every morning (we tried pre-school 2 days a week and that's what happened). He needs one-to-one attention and quiet play away from crowds, and that's exactly what he's getting at home. For the sake of his well-being alone, I'm grateful that I could stay at home.

We have a few mitigating circumstances - first, we live in a rural-resort-ish area, so we don't need to save for a drive to the ocean - it's right here. We homestead a little - growing some food and having small animals. Secondly, we own the house outright. And most importantly, perhaps, we don't need a health insurance outlay, with universal health care in Canada.

[rkb0305]

Originally Posted by skbs

FB is right.... you never know what will happen.... I am here every day with my kids and I worry about my husband's job... if he will go to work and come home to tell me I need to go out tomorrow and get some applications out there.... YES IT IS SCARY... and I am sure I am not the only SAHM who thinks it about it on a regular basis.... when you hear about the local business having serious cutbacks on the news... will your husband be next??? But you have to hope and pray it isn't.... and PLAN.... and be ready to get out there yourself if he is... plan for that too! just in case....

I do worry about that more now that I stay home. It was hard to adjust mentally to having only one income, and nothing to fall back on if he lost his job.

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

Not every job offers health insurance. Not every husband makes enough to cover the cost of independent insurance. Even with no debt (other than a mortgage or rent) and even with modest other expenses (small mortgage etc). It is unrealistic to expect that people go without insurance and without being able to contribute somewhat to their own retirement. It is not always possible. Many people can make a go of it with less than they currently have but to say anyone can if they just want to badly enough is an insult IMO.

My husband had taken a new job many years back and had to wait a certain amount of time before insurance could be taken out. It would not cover my pregnancy since it was a pre-existing condition. My job at the time didn't offer, nor was it required to offer, insurance at all. To have gotten insurance independently, it would have cost us almost $800/month. So, yeah I know exactly how that insurance dilemma works. Been there done that.

Did you know that many doctors/hospitals offer huge discounts for cash paying customers that don't have insurance? Often times 50% or more discounts. I didn't, until I had to find out. I'm amazed at how much less you often end up paying if you are paying cash versus using insurance.

Even figuring in inflation, it cost me a lot less cash out of my pocket for the pregnancy and delivery of my daughter when we didn't have insurance than it did when I had my son with insurance 5 yrs later.

Today, if I didn't have insurance, it would cost me less out of my pocket to take my children to a well child visit with the health department ($10) than it does to take them to the regular ped ($20). I do take them to the health department for vaccines and that costs far less than having it done at the ped's. ($5 vs $75)

So, the big thing to really worry about is if we were to have the dreaded medical emergency. But heck I worry about that WITH insurance as they can always find ways to limit it in coverage anyways. (like none of the anesthesiologists at the hospital being covered when I had my miscarriage, even though the doctor was and the hospital was as well.....so we had to pay fully for their services!)
We also see that daily in the news stories of people who thought they would be covered and the insurance is denying payments. So, the people who though they'd be fine, end up not being anyway. So it's a double edged sword.

Insurance is a must?
Then the parents take opposing work shifts in order to have one parent at home with the kids at all times. You just sacrifice some sleep for a time.
Or, one parent works weekends and nights at a job that offers insurance while the other is at home. You just sacrifice couple time for a bit.
I provide child care in my home, so I do bring in some income while I am still able to be home with my kids. If I needed insurance, I could get it through a couple of different small business groups that offer it for a far better price than independently. So there's another option.

It may take two-three years for some to get to the point where one parent can easily stay at home, but I still stand by the fact that everyone can find a way to do it. They might have to downsize in their homes, sell a car and share one, eat a college student diet (ramen and grilled cheese) and wear the same clothes for a couple of years. But it CAN be done.

I'd say that many simply don't think they can make the sacrifices it may take, or that they aren't committed to do so, however I won't say they cannot. Especially if they haven't even tried. To me that's an insult.

Now if people want to say that there are some parents who do not NEED to be spending that much time with their kids...I'll second that with enthusiasm!

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by skbs

correct, my point was that even though one stays home with their children it is important to be prepared to have your resume ready to go just in case. We don't know when we will need it.... Right now I am volunteering in my daughter's school and doing as much PTA geared activities so I can fluff up my TEACHER resume.... making connections and doing everything I can in case I do need a job in the near future... that was all I was trying to get at.... It is all part of being prepared to STAY HOME... actually.... the whole just in case... in this economy

You can say that again! My own lawyer dropped dead at the age of 50 from a heart attack leaving 4 youngish kids and a wife. In her case, she had just gotten her law license not long before this happened, so their challenges would not be so much financial as everything else.

You just never know.