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Old 06-20-2009, 02:16 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,277,853 times
Reputation: 53066

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The insurance issue is HUGE.

My mom was a SAHM with four kids from the late 1970s through the mid-1990s, before going back to work outside the home full time when her oldest (me) started college and her youngest began middle school. This wasn't even in as crappy an economy as now, and it was tough, mainly because she and my father ran a small business, and therefore paid out-of-pocket full premiums for health coverage for the entire family. The cost of private health insurance out of pocket is astronomical (it was bad enough when I was growing up, but now, it's downright psychotic).

I wouldn't trade being raised by a mother who was there all the time, and not having to be a latchkey kid or a child raised by daycare. But I know exactly the kind of hardship and sacrifices that come with making the choice to raise a family of six on one self-employed income.
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Old 06-20-2009, 08:02 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,812,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
t.....i think it's far more needed and beneficial for a parent to be home when the kids are teens than it is when they are younger. But that's a whole 'nother discussion.
agreed.
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Old 06-20-2009, 08:06 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,812,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
......or a child raised by daycare.
I hate when people say kids are raised by daycare. Can a child be raised just in the hours they go to daycare? For real? If that is all there is to raising a child sign me up. I'll have the baby, you pick the daycare. There is far more to raising a child than custodial care.
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Old 06-20-2009, 08:36 AM
 
467 posts, read 979,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I hate when people say kids are raised by daycare. Can a child be raised just in the hours they go to daycare? For real? If that is all there is to raising a child sign me up. I'll have the baby, you pick the daycare. There is far more to raising a child than custodial care.
Maybe they mean the little tykes that are there from 6am to 6pm everyday. I dunno. I tend to agree with ya that a few hours aren't gonna have alot of impact. I was in daycare a few hours a day as a kid and I'm close to my parents. Its all relative.
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Old 06-20-2009, 08:44 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,812,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
Maybe they mean the little tykes that are there from 6am to 6pm everyday. I dunno. I tend to agree with ya that a few hours aren't gonna have alot of impact. I was in daycare a few hours a day as a kid and I'm close to my parents. Its all relative.
Can you raise a child in 10 hours a day, 5 days a week?

My teenager leaves for school at 7AM, I pick him up after practice at around 6PM. He's gone for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week. Are his teachers and coaches raising him????

Get real. Raising a child is not a matter of time. It's a matter of connection. I have worked FT, PT, been a FT student, and been AH FT and I can tell you that I have been raising my children no matter what my work status.

A statement that daycares raise children is almost idiotic.

The OP is raising her own children whether they attend daycare or not.
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Old 06-20-2009, 09:03 AM
 
Location: (WNY)
5,384 posts, read 10,833,102 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Can you raise a child in 10 hours a day, 5 days a week?

My teenager leaves for school at 7AM, I pick him up after practice at around 6PM. He's gone for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week. Are his teachers and coaches raising him????

Get real. Raising a child is not a matter of time. It's a matter of connection. I have worked FT, PT, been a FT student, and been AH FT and I can tell you that I have been raising my children no matter what my work status.

A statement that daycares raise children is almost idiotic.

The OP is raising her own children whether they attend daycare or not.
This can definitely be done.... if you are torn... you might want to read through this thread....

Feeling Guilty
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Old 06-20-2009, 02:00 PM
 
994 posts, read 1,532,268 times
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Wow ... lots of replies! It will take me some moments to read and digest them all, but I noticed some common themes when I scanned through them.

1) Insurance. DH has health insurance for the family on his job; the only insurance I pay for through my work is long-term disability insurance, which is just a few bucks a month. We also have adequate life insurance on both of us.

2) What I mean by "doom" is that the loss of my income - nearly 50 percent of our take-home - would put us at a working deficit each month. We are not debt-free, and it will be a while before we are - even with me working. I would never leave my career with the knowledge that we would be operating in the red each month and relying on savings in order to meet basic and revolving payment/debt expenses.

3) We are not living in a material world. We are not spendthrifts or flashy. I do my own hair, don't get manicures or pedicures professionally. As for clothes, I shop foy myself and the kids at a combination od budget-friendly places - Old Navy, Target, Marshall's, Ross, TJ Maxx and the like. As for groceries, I am not above going to farmer's markets, looking at circulars for the latest deals at chain grocery stores and even shopping at ALDI for some basics. We probably order in or eat out at a restaurant once every week and a half. I typically bring my lunch from home during the work week, but will buy a lunch probably once a week.

4) My husband supports whatever decision may allow our life to have a less frazzled and frenzied pace. He understands where I am coming from and why. However, based on our status and the very good advice and tips presented here, it may be a while before I can really make the transition. I don't believe this is an entirely short-term proposition (i.e. just while my kids are really young). With the older one starting kindergarten next year and envisioning the pace of life when the youngest one goes to school, I don't see the pace or demands shifting. Who will be home with them when they come home from school? How much can we reasonably expect to rely on the goodwill of family (who already help us incredibly)? How much would it cost to pay for after-school programs for both children? Those are the questions waging in my mind and, too, I agree with whomever said the need for presence may actually increase as kids enter the tween and teen stages.

You all have given me a lot to think about. I've read a lot of books about this topic, including "The Feminine Mistake," which recounts what happens and can happen when women don't remain relevant professionally or prepared skills-wise. It also talks about women losing their power within relationships, not realizing what things were not covered or considered until it's too late - their husband dies or divorces them - leaving them destitute and clueless. I certainly don't want to be in that position, but I don't want to be in the race I'm currently running either.
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Old 06-20-2009, 02:29 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,479,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skbs View Post
correct, my point was that even though one stays home with their children it is important to be prepared to have your resume ready to go just in case. We don't know when we will need it.... Right now I am volunteering in my daughter's school and doing as much PTA geared activities so I can fluff up my TEACHER resume.... making connections and doing everything I can in case I do need a job in the near future... that was all I was trying to get at.... It is all part of being prepared to STAY HOME... actually.... the whole just in case... in this economy
Yep. My intial license is 7-12/history. To find a high school history job..it's probably easier to become a cardiac surgeon. People just don't leave that position & since history is beyond easy to major in, you have a huge # of entry level who are social studies/history. You DO NOT see a large number of bio/chem/math majors minoring in education. I've always loved science. I'm working on getting biological sciences added to my teaching licenseSo, while I have no plans to start teaching again for quite some time,that does not mean that I may not need to....
I qualify for the GI Bill which gives a lump sum of $$. Our community college is so low cost that I can make a profit taking distance learning classes. It also requires me to be up hours before the kids go to bed & hours before after they go to sleep. I'm essentially "working from home"...able to improve my resume while bringing in some money.
I just can never imagine being so comfortable with finances and my dh's job to think that something may (or may not) happen and I have to enter the workplace asap.
I also haven't taught in years and would be looked over, so while I have the opportunity, am taking classes to improve my license as well as volunteering to be on a steering team for a moms group.

I'm incredibily gratfeful of being a SAHM, but in the back of my mind, I also know that I need to be prepared to be the bread winner if something would happen to my dh or with his job. I don't live in fear of it, I just live in the realization of it.
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Old 06-20-2009, 02:36 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,479,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the3Ds View Post
You don't have to be rich to stay home but staying home shouldn't put you in poverty either. You might not be able to buy $100 purses anymore, but you should be able to put decent food on the table and not have your utilities shut off.
I think this is pretty much what everyone is trying to say. It just stinks for those who so badly want to stay home and cannot b/c of the very basic necessities.

I don't know many working moms, but the ones I do, all, expect one, work b/c they have to. It's not a choice. And they wish beyond wish they DID have a choice. The one person...she just cannot stay home 5 days a week with her children. She's still a great & loving mom, but being a SAHM is not her thing.
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Old 06-20-2009, 10:42 PM
 
Location: California
37,044 posts, read 41,979,600 times
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I've been a SAHM for 18 years...and that last little guy just graduated from high school! I cut back to 3 days a week when our eldest was born so I had a feel for the stay-at-home part AND the 10+hr a day daycare part so when my youngest was born I knew I didn't want to go back to work. It was hard at first since we cut our income by 50%, and we did live on credit a few times, but always managed to right ourselves. My husband and I both bought 20 year term life, which was pretty cheap back in the day, but didn't buy as much as the professinals suggested. We bought what we felt comfortable with.

Sadly, my huband now wants a divorce. Even though I did earn my AA degree several years back and did a lot of volunteering I'm not having any luck in finding a good job for myself (full time w/benefits...that's what I need). That 18 year employment gap is not attractive to potential employers! So now I'm taking job skill classes and hoping the economy recovers quickly. Even though we planned the best we could at the time, I couldn't "insure" myself against being on my own at age 50. I loved being a SAHM and often wished we had more kids, but I now see that it would have been wise to keep working somewhere.
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