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There is far more to raising a child than custodial care.
Didn't say there wasn't. Just pointing out that my mother exited the workforce for 18 years so that she could spend the majority of her time raising her children rather than working outside the home, and that I wholeheartedly support the philosophy and would do it myself were it feasible for me.
Didn't say there wasn't. Just pointing out that my mother exited the workforce for 18 years so that she could spend the majority of her time raising her children rather than working outside the home, and that I wholeheartedly support the philosophy and would do it myself were it feasible for me.
I left the workforce myself so I could spend more time with my kids. So clearly, I support the philisophy myself.
However, it is unfair to parents who work to say that daycares are "raising their children". It serves no purpose other than to make them feel bad. After all it's not true. Children cannot be raised in 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's not that simple.
So many mothers feel so guilty for working (out of need, or desire) because of people who say thoughtless things like "children are raised by daycares" that it makes my blood boil. The OP should not feel guilty if she works. She is still raising her child, as is her husband. Being a parent is not something you DO only when you are with your child. Being a parent is something you ARE all the time. Even when your child is not with you.
I left the workforce myself so I could spend more time with my kids. So clearly, I support the philisophy myself.
However, it is unfair to parents who work to say that daycares are "raising their children". It serves no purpose other than to make them feel bad. After all it's not true. Children cannot be raised in 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's not that simple.
So many mothers feel so guilty for working (out of need, or desire) because of people who say thoughtless things like "children are raised by daycares" that it makes my blood boil. The OP should not feel guilty if she works. She is still raising her child, as is her husband. Being a parent is not something you DO only when you are with your child. Being a parent is something you ARE all the time. Even when your child is not with you.
I agree with this for most all families.
However child care is my field and it does indeed happen. While I was in the center, we frequently had parents whose kids were with us for 12 hours (we were open 12 1/2) and then they were often dropped off with relatives a couple of nights a week and as often during the weekend. Of course those are the exceptions, but it does occur.
Then there's this one family.....long story short. They didn't know HOW to be parents. Their parents were not great sources for learning either. This child spent perhaps 15 waking hours with his parents and the rest was spent either with me or one of his g'mas, for the first 3 years of his life.
They were constantly amazed when they'd see him doing things they thought he couldn't do. For instance, he could go down the stairs at my house without being carried! He jumped off my porch! He could feed himself! He could buckle himself in the car seat!
Yeah, I even took him with me everywhere I went....even to the <gasp> grocery store! How could I do that??? they ask.....yeah, they did. He never went anywhere with them unless they had back up because they could not handle having him out alone. Sad situation.
So, yep, I practically raised this child for the first 3 years before they all (g'parents included) learned they could be doing all the same things.
However child care is my field and it does indeed happen. While I was in the center, we frequently had parents whose kids were with us for 12 hours (we were open 12 1/2) and then they were often dropped off with relatives a couple of nights a week and as often during the weekend. Of course those are the exceptions, but it does occur.
Then there's this one family.....long story short. They didn't know HOW to be parents. Their parents were not great sources for learning either. This child spent perhaps 15 waking hours with his parents and the rest was spent either with me or one of his g'mas, for the first 3 years of his life.
They were constantly amazed when they'd see him doing things they thought he couldn't do. For instance, he could go down the stairs at my house without being carried! He jumped off my porch! He could feed himself! He could buckle himself in the car seat!
Yeah, I even took him with me everywhere I went....even to the <gasp> grocery store! How could I do that??? they ask.....yeah, they did. He never went anywhere with them unless they had back up because they could not handle having him out alone. Sad situation.
So, yep, I practically raised this child for the first 3 years before they all (g'parents included) learned they could be doing all the same things.
Sorry....that did turn into the long story!
Well none of that is a function of the parents working. It's a function of the parents being clueless. I have a relative who is a clueless parent and she is a SAHM. I know there are clueless parents out there and some of them work.
My point is that the OP should not feel guilty if being a SAHM is not something she can manage right now. It doesn't mean the daycare is raising her child.
However child care is my field and it does indeed happen. While I was in the center, we frequently had parents whose kids were with us for 12 hours (we were open 12 1/2) and then they were often dropped off with relatives a couple of nights a week and as often during the weekend. Of course those are the exceptions, but it does occur.
When my dh & I were in the military, it was not uncommon for soldiers to drop their children off at 6am prior to PT (physical training) and pick them up at 6, 7 or even 8pm due to work obligations. The Army doesn't care if you have 1 or 15 children.Your job is first, family second. So, daycare did indeed raise many of these babies. I was one of many who left the service for this pure fact.
Daycare providers do not just leave a child in a corner with some blocks & cookies be it 2 hours or 12 hours. The providers ARE an integral part of that childs life & why many parents go through so much trying to find a provider they feel comfortable leaving their child with for several hours 5 days a week. For many children, they spend MORE time at daycare than at home. The providers feed, clothe, and nurture the children who are in their care.
Many teach the children the basic fundamentals such as letters, numbers, tying their shoes. Some even potty train the children (Goddard School is the first one that comes to mind who does potty training).
When my #1 was in daycare, he was there pre-breakfast (6:30am). The woman he was left with every morning had over 20 grandchildren. Some mornings, he even arrived in his pj's & she would get him dressed for the day. She rocked him, she hugged him, she took care of him and was a part of his life.
Thus, daycare does indeed play a huge role in the development of a young child. There is nothing wrong with daycare, but to say it is nothing other than a dropoff for a few hours is insulting to the providers who take care of the children.
Sadly, my huband now wants a divorce. Even though I did earn my AA degree several years back and did a lot of volunteering I'm not having any luck in finding a good job for myself (full time w/benefits...that's what I need). That 18 year employment gap is not attractive to potential employers! So now I'm taking job skill classes and hoping the economy recovers quickly. Even though we planned the best we could at the time, I couldn't "insure" myself against being on my own at age 50. I loved being a SAHM and often wished we had more kids, but I now see that it would have been wise to keep working somewhere.
Divorce and having "to fend off for yourself" in your late 40s-50s-60s ++ is always hard on a woman, SAHM or not, UNLESS she's a highly trained professional, having been productive in her career for years (possibly at the expense of losing on some time with her kids). Just "working somewhere" won't insulate from some ageism and shifting workplace. A history of regular jobs (service positions, office admin) won't guarantee that a woman in her 50s-60s will be hired if young things are vying for the same position. Divorce sucks, period.
Well none of that is a function of the parents working. It's a function of the parents being clueless. I have a relative who is a clueless parent and she is a SAHM. I know there are clueless parents out there and some of them work.
My point is that the OP should not feel guilty if being a SAHM is not something she can manage right now. It doesn't mean the daycare is raising her child.
I agree. Day care does not instill morals and values, and throw birthday parties, and watch soccer games on Saturdays and do all of the things that parents do. Sadly, in those unfortunate exceptional cases, no one is "raising" the child.
Divorce and having "to fend off for yourself" in your late 40s-50s-60s ++ is always hard on a woman, SAHM or not, UNLESS she's a highly trained professional, having been productive in her career for years (possibly at the expense of losing on some time with her kids). Just "working somewhere" won't insulate from some ageism and shifting workplace. A history of regular jobs (service positions, office admin) won't guarantee that a woman in her 50s-60s will be hired if young things are vying for the same position. Divorce sucks, period.
It sucks, period... but someone who already has a job, or has had one in the not so distant past obviously has a better chance of getting a job to support herself and her kids, if necessary, than does someone who has been out of the work force for 18 years.
Being a SAHM is work. All the stuff you run at breakneck speed to do in the evenings and weekends gets done during the day (is a more organized fashion in most cases) and leaves you free(er) in the evenings to spend with the kids on homework and just what ever you and your family do.
Financially, every situation is different, but it is work and you won't feel like you aren't doing anything.
If finances aren't a big problem, you will likely feel like your family life is running so much smoother and organized.
I have done both, and our family is so much better off if one is home getting all that stuff done so we can live our lives on weekends and nights. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything at all. I even have time to volunteer at the school, which I love.
Oh, the daycare....I had a homedaycare.
Some kids were with me 11 hrs a day EVERY DAY.
Moms sent them to me on their days off all the time. During their 1 yr mat. leave they would send them for 10 hrs patting them selves on the back for letting them come home "early." Ugh....
I didn't hold contempt for them but they did get too comfortable having me take the child for 11hrs.
The child went home to eat a rushed meal, bath and then bed. Those ones are missing out on a lot of good years living distantly from their kids.
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