Becoming a SAHM in THIS Economy?! (party, girl, activity, playing)

[zoomzoom3]

My wife and I are expecting, and we decided the best thing for us to do is for me to leave my job & become a SAHD. She works as a highly specialized nurse & makes around $75K/yr. I have a dead-end job that pays $8.00/hr. despite the fact I have a bachelor's degree. We figured up the cost of childcare and found that it would cost more annually than what I make, so we would be losing money if I were to keep working. The loss of my income won't be much of a hit anyway, we'll just scale back on a few things that aren't necessities.

[MrMom2]

Originally Posted by zoomzoom3

My wife and I are expecting, and we decided the best thing for us to do is for me to leave my job & become a SAHD. She works as a highly specialized nurse & makes around $75K/yr. I have a dead-end job that pays $8.00/hr. despite the fact I have a bachelor's degree. We figured up the cost of childcare and found that it would cost more annually than what I make, so we would be losing money if I were to keep working. The loss of my income won't be much of a hit anyway, we'll just scale back on a few things that aren't necessities.

Good for you, Zoom. Good luck. Kinda the same here. I had the expendable job and hers was trucking right along the successful track.

Prepare for a whole world of sexual discrimination, scared and intimidated SAHMs and being left out of the reindeer games and mom only gab fests

Get into some (if you get time) groups or hobbies that don't mind parents with weenies. At least until the baby is bigger you'll be too busy to worry about that last part, but boy did my son and I get ignored for the most part at playgrounds by the moms. Sometimes when we showed up it'd get all quiet and they'd slowly start to leave. I have no clue why but it was very odd. My son started thinking it was HIM which was not fair and didn't like that those ladies made him feel that way because they didn't wanna grown man around for some reason, even though it was clear I was a parent like them, not some stranger by himself.

I tried getting involved in some play groups and volunteering later at his school but didn't really work out overall. about 1 in 4 of the moms were very nice and didn't mind talking with me and my son. The others basically ignored or acted superior and that got boring and lonely real fast.

Last bit: you'll only be interesting to be around and have those friends while the child is a baby and toddler. After about 3 yrs old, the parents start losing interest in you as you aren't a part of that "baby world" anymore. Its fun while it lasts though, if not a bit of a slap in the face when its suddenly over and those few people you had to chat with are just gone like that. ouch.

Try to maintain some real world contacts. Your world will get very small and very lonely soon if you don't. You won't notice it immediately, while your child is totally dependant upon you, but as your child grows, you'll start realizing that you really don't know anyone anymore. Hopefully that won't be your case, but I realized after about 4 years that I was essentially alone socially (partly why I come here I guess). Again this was only after my child grew out of needing my 24/7 attn and he grew out of the baby/toddler groups and we were basically just at home alone until he started school. Thats when it really hit me how alone I was as far as friends were concerned. There's this small period of time between the toddler and Kindergarten years where as a parent there isn't much to do socially for either one of you without putting down some money on daycare. I used to go to playgrounds, parks and toy stores alot with him in the pre-K yrs.

Anyways, besta luck, man and congrats on the baby

A fellow SAHD

[hautemomma]

Originally Posted by mellabella

Oh, the daycare....I had a homedaycare.
Some kids were with me 11 hrs a day EVERY DAY.
Moms sent them to me on their days off all the time. During their 1 yr mat. leave they would send them for 10 hrs patting them selves on the back for letting them come home "early." Ugh....
I didn't hold contempt for them but they did get too comfortable having me take the child for 11hrs.
The child went home to eat a rushed meal, bath and then bed. Those ones are missing out on a lot of good years living distantly from their kids.

I wouldn't be so critical of mothers (parents) who take their children to daycare on their days off. It's been a long time since I've done that or had the opportunity to do so, but oftentimes on those days are the only times working parents can get other things done - like graduate school work, errands, major household projects. They usually figure they've paid for the daycare tuition anyway and not using it would be a waste of money - basically, paying the provider for services not rendered.

You're right 10-11-12 hours is a long time to be in daycare. When my older daughter was younger, she was there for about 10 hours. But if the parents HAVE to work in a country and for companies taht do not value work-life balance, don't believe in the merits of a condensed schedule or telecommuting ... what options do they really have?

For all the yapping America likes to do about family values, the way our workplaces are structured reveal it's a myth, an aspiration with no teeth. I want a more balanced life, but I, too, would find working 3-4 days a week much more manageable than a regular full-time schedule, but getting corporations to believe in the value of this ... Ha!

[mellabella]

Originally Posted by hautemomma

I wouldn't be so critical of mothers (parents) who take their children to daycare on their days off. It's been a long time since I've done that or had the opportunity to do so, but oftentimes on those days are the only times working parents can get other things done - like graduate school work, errands, major household projects. They usually figure they've paid for the daycare tuition anyway and not using it would be a waste of money - basically, paying the provider for services not rendered.

You're right 10-11-12 hours is a long time to be in daycare. When my older daughter was younger, she was there for about 10 hours. But if the parents HAVE to work in a country and for companies taht do not value work-life balance, don't believe in the merits of a condensed schedule or telecommuting ... what options do they really have?

For all the yapping America likes to do about family values, the way our workplaces are structured reveal it's a myth, an aspiration with no teeth. I want a more balanced life, but I, too, would find working 3-4 days a week much more manageable than a regular full-time schedule, but getting corporations to believe in the value of this ... Ha!

I don't care about the one running errands, I mean the ones who never during a whole year off work on maternity leave from 2nd child keep their first child home. I offered to hold the spot for them with out paying for it or go to PT. I could go on about my feelings on money and paying for a spot and not using it but then it's my personal opinion and I am biased being a provider and mom , it would just tick someone off lol.
I totally get that everyone needs to get errand done without children lol! Me too!! I have 2 little ones and they sure do make picking up groceries a long event!

[rkb0305]

Originally Posted by zoomzoom3

My wife and I are expecting, and we decided the best thing for us to do is for me to leave my job & become a SAHD. She works as a highly specialized nurse & makes around $75K/yr. I have a dead-end job that pays $8.00/hr. despite the fact I have a bachelor's degree. We figured up the cost of childcare and found that it would cost more annually than what I make, so we would be losing money if I were to keep working. The loss of my income won't be much of a hit anyway, we'll just scale back on a few things that aren't necessities.

In that case, it makes sense for you to be the stay at home parent. You should try to hook up with other stay at home dads in your area. I saw a news story about the rise in the number of SAHD, and the rise in the number of groups for them on meetup.com.

[rkb0305]

Originally Posted by hautemomma

I wouldn't be so critical of mothers (parents) who take their children to daycare on their days off. It's been a long time since I've done that or had the opportunity to do so, but oftentimes on those days are the only times working parents can get other things done - like graduate school work, errands, major household projects. They usually figure they've paid for the daycare tuition anyway and not using it would be a waste of money - basically, paying the provider for services not rendered.

You're right 10-11-12 hours is a long time to be in daycare. When my older daughter was younger, she was there for about 10 hours. But if the parents HAVE to work in a country and for companies taht do not value work-life balance, don't believe in the merits of a condensed schedule or telecommuting ... what options do they really have?

For all the yapping America likes to do about family values, the way our workplaces are structured reveal it's a myth, an aspiration with no teeth. I want a more balanced life, but I, too, would find working 3-4 days a week much more manageable than a regular full-time schedule, but getting corporations to believe in the value of this ... Ha!

So true! So many moms dream of a shorter work day, but choices are slim. Now that I stay home, I can't believe I used to leave my babies for 10 hours/day, but that was the only option. 8 hours of work, an hour for lunch, and a combined hour of commuting. It isn't like we're out goofing off while the kids are in day care!

[MrMom2]

Originally Posted by rkb0305

In that case, it makes sense for you to be the stay at home parent. You should try to hook up with other stay at home dads in your area. I saw a news story about the rise in the number of SAHD, and the rise in the number of groups for them on meetup.com.

good idea, alot easier than it seems though. Some of those groups are far and in bewtween or only meet once a month and when you do go its totally lame or feels like your at an AA meeting lol. What do you do the rest of the 29 of 30 days a month? Puts us right back here at square one. Some of us.

[formercalifornian]

Originally Posted by MrMom2

Prepare for a whole world of sexual discrimination, scared and intimidated SAHMs and being left out of the reindeer games and mom only gab fests

Please do elaborate on this statement. What would give you the impression that SAHM's would be scared or intimidated by your presence? I think you've wrongly inserted gender into a situation that can be adequately ascribed to basic rudeness. Please believe me when I tell you that plenty of Moms have also been victims of cliquish, exclusionary behavior.

[MrMom2]

Originally Posted by formercalifornian

Please do elaborate on this statement. What would give you the impression that SAHM's would be scared or intimidated by your presence? I think you've wrongly inserted gender into a situation that can be adequately ascribed to basic rudeness. Please believe me when I tell you that plenty of Moms have also been victims of cliquish, exclusionary behavior.

no offense meant Maybe you're right. Maybe people here are just rude (at least to men, as they seem to like each other just fine).

I wish I knew the answer to that. I dunno why they feel the need to leave the playgrounds when we arrived leaving only me and my son alone in an area that only 10 minutes ago was teeming with people. I dunno why when I'd take my son to Mommy and Me reading at the public library that the ladies would get all quiet and avoid talking to us.

For the record: They didn't have Daddy and Me reading things, so I was kinda forced to have to deal with those things to have my son involved. Almost everything was addressed to Moms. Some activities were even things my son liked at the time (example: High School Musical), but the activity would only be for girls or of a certain age group, so he wouldn't get to go. Having PDD-NOS my son acts a bit younger than he is so those groups probably would have worked better for him than groups with older kids where he has trouble relating.

I don't know why at play groups, the women would gab quietly and not address me except for one nice neighbor who'd chat away about whatever (which was nice). She was a nice lady. Shame she moved a couple years back.

I don't know why when I volunteered at the school why the ladies wouldn't really have anything for me to do while they chatted away about stuff non-school related and seemed to make it clear I really didn't belong there. Like I was an outsider in their little girl club.

I don't know why people don't say hello to us when we walk down the street or get nervous if it appears I'm alone. I'm not exactly intimidating, just a normal guy. Maybe where I live people are overly paranoid? Who knows.

I don't know why when me and the boy take a walk the mothers pushing the baby strollers will greet the other mothers walking past them with a smile, but just brush past the males even when the man says hello. Its kinda rude, but I don't have a clue why they do it.

I don't know why the assumption was always that my wife took care of everything here at home while I worked a paying job. I don't know why my wife would get invited to parties with the ladies (the same ladies who knew I was the domestic). I don't know why teachers will say "ask your Moms if 'whatever' and let us know tomorrow at school". I don't know why tv ads address only the moms as though Dads don't exist (ex: Jif peanut butter and Kix cereal). Its just how our society is and hopefully 50 years from now that will be gone.

If I did know why the SAHMs do those things in my area, maybe I could have addressed it at the time. Its too late now. My boy is out of the toddler phase and play dates. I was giving the future SAHD there some fair warning so it wouldn't take him by suprise like it did to me. Getting treated that way hurts you feelings and does create an air of bitterness.

Sorry again and I didn't mean to offend

[121804]

Originally Posted by MrMom2

no offense meant Maybe you're right. Maybe people here are just rude (at least to men, as they seem to like each other just fine).

I wish I knew the answer to that. I dunno why they feel the need to leave the playgrounds when we arrived leaving only me and my son alone in an area that only 10 minutes ago was teeming with people. I dunno why when I'd take my son to Mommy and Me reading at the public library that the ladies would get all quiet and avoid talking to us.

For the record: They didn't have Daddy and Me reading things, so I was kinda forced to have to deal with those things to have my son involved. Almost everything was addressed to Moms. Some activities were even things my son liked at the time (example: High School Musical), but the activity would only be for girls or of a certain age group, so he wouldn't get to go. Having PDD-NOS my son acts a bit younger than he is so those groups probably would have worked better for him than groups with older kids where he has trouble relating.

I don't know why at play groups, the women would gab quietly and not address me except for one nice neighbor who'd chat away about whatever (which was nice). She was a nice lady. Shame she moved a couple years back.

I don't know why when I volunteered at the school why the ladies wouldn't really have anything for me to do while they chatted away about stuff non-school related and seemed to make it clear I really didn't belong there. Like I was an outsider in their little girl club.

I don't know why people don't say hello to us when we walk down the street or get nervous if it appears I'm alone. I'm not exactly intimidating, just a normal guy. Maybe where I live people are overly paranoid? Who knows.

I don't know why when me and the boy take a walk the mothers pushing the baby strollers will greet the other mothers walking past them with a smile, but just brush past the males even when the man says hello. Its kinda rude, but I don't have a clue why they do it.

I don't know why the assumption was always that my wife took care of everything here at home while I worked a paying job. I don't know why my wife would get invited to parties with the ladies (the same ladies who knew I was the domestic). I don't know why teachers will say "ask your Moms if 'whatever' and let us know tomorrow at school". I don't know why tv ads address only the moms as though Dads don't exist (ex: Jif peanut butter and Kix cereal). Its just how our society is and hopefully 50 years from now that will be gone.

If I did know why the SAHMs do those things in my area, maybe I could have addressed it at the time. Its too late now. My boy is out of the toddler phase and play dates. I was giving the future SAHD there some fair warning so it wouldn't take him by suprise like it did to me. Getting treated that way hurts you feelings and does create an air of bitterness.

Sorry again and I didn't mean to offend

I absolutely never see anything anymore, especially in places that are paid for by public funds, such as the library, that says "Mommy and Me" or "Mommy & Baby"...it is now "Parent & Me" or "Parent & Baby".

I don't see moms grabbing their children & running out of the park as quick as possible if they see a man with a child. I don't see moms leaving the library if a male is in their with their child.

And for international organizations such as MOMS and MOPS, the statutes clearly state it is to be a female caregiver/parent/guardian. Doesn't mean that there are not groups out there that focus on SAHDs , etc. If you don't like it, fix it.

Many times, the attitude you give off as a parent is far more telling more than if you are a male or female....

Keep in mind, it goes both ways