When you say spanking, how? (out of control, game, parents, girls)
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Whenever I'm reading the ever popular ( or unpopular ) and heated threads about spanking- whether you do or not, how old, etc- I wonder what folks mean exactly.
I was spanked mostly by my father across his lap, pants down. I found it terrifying and humiliating and can't imagine all these parents do the same. I can't imagine what it would be like to have my kids squirm in fear as I try to hold them down and pull their pants down. Is this what is generally considered a 'spanking' these days...pants down, across the lap?? Or is this in the olden' days??
I know everyone's got their opinion, just not sure what is considered a spanking exactly..
When I have to spank my son (meaning more than just a 'warning' swat on the leg or something), it is given on the bare behind. I doubt he finds it "humiliating" as he is not yet 5 and would run around in the buff all day if we let him. Even if he were older and got a little embarrassed by it, that would merely add to the deterrence factor. Contrary to what people seem to think, embarrassment is not fatal and kids' capacity for it can actually be very useful to parents.
I've only used my hand to spank except on one occasion when I used a plastic hairbrush. I don't think I've ever given more than half a dozen swats, and I never left bruises or non-fading marks of any kind.
ETA: Just wanted to be clear, I'm not saying that what I outlined above is all that's okay and that anything more than it is abusive. I think a parent could go well beyond that and still be just fine. And certainly, if my son were 12 and did something he needed a spanking for, he would obviously get a more serious spanking than he does as a preschooler.
And certainly, if my son were 12 and did something he needed a spanking for, he would obviously get a more serious spanking than he does as a preschooler.
One or two swats on a clothed bottom, and only for a child under 6 or so, after one or two warnings did not curb the misbehavior. My eight year old is certainly too big to get a spanking for discipline... losing a precious hour of video game play (he gets two hours per day on Saturdays and Sundays only) is a much better deterrent, by far! My six year old will get one swat on her clothed butt if she's really out of control, but for the most part, she's outgrown that by now as well.
You don't have to spank kids when a time out chair does better.
Spanking girls at any age is just plain wrong, gives the message it is ok for someone to hit them.
Come on people, grow up and be parents.
I have found that for a misbehaving preschool-aged child, a swat on the bottom solves the problem in about two seconds. When a young child is being directly defiant or disobedient (example: slamming the bathroom door over and over again, after being asked to stop), a quick "you have chosen a spank on your bottom," followed by a swat, means that the lesson has been imparted: Don't disobey mommy. It worked in my house. If a timeout chair worked for you, that's great. Everyone parents differently.
As for the message that it's ok for someone to hit them, if my kids like getting a little smack on the rump when they're consenting adults, then hey, that's their perogative. I think we've already established (in another thread) that spanking fetishes are equally likely between adults who were spanked as children and those who were not, if that was your point. I highly doubt that an occasional swat is going to turn them in to domestic abuse victims.
Mine get spanked with open hand on clothed bottom 1-3 times usually while they are standing. My 12 year old and my 10 year old got one quick swat a couple of months ago, after they had been told several times to stop picking on their little sister and they finally did something that physically hurt her and made her cry. They stopped each time we told them to stop and then would start back up again a short time later. The swat was a reminder of how it feels to have a body part hurt.
Well, I will say that we tried VERY hard not to make my dad mad, and JUMPED when he said something, but only b/c we were so afraid..good? bad? I think bad...respect is good, perhaps the feeling of 'we need to follow the rule' or whatever, but not "oh, God...here he comes".
Perhaps, too, a 'bare bottom' spanking is different between girls and boys. I used to think pulling pants down was rare, but I've met quite a few folks that claimed to have been spanked this way. Some say..."so?", others say "yeah, horrid". Honestly...the most people who say it was fine happen to be male ( hmm )
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