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My daughter is and has been a video gamer for a while now. For the most part, I'm OK with that. She still does her homework and chores when I tell her to. She's 11, going to 6 grade with a passing grade.
What I am worried about is her obsession with a video game character. Legend of Zelda; Link being the obsessed character. I love the games myself and have played through each game 'til the end. So naturally, she became a gamer, following in my footsteps. Her obsession though has gone to new heights not even I can understand.
She states she wants to be an artist but only draws the character. Her massive amounts of doodles on her homework and papers represents all of the characters. She asks me about his life and his future endeavors. She has stated in a fantasy if she could be him and how she would go through temples and such. Her name on her homework has adopted symbols from the game, replacing characters like the 'A' with a triangle.
I am also worried about her gaming obsession but I can, and have, handled that. In recent, her homework planner has had no homework written in it. For almost two weeks. She tells me that she had no homework and then told her teachers she forgot it or lost it. So what I did - to make sure she was doing her homework and filling out her planner better - I would check each box if it made sense to me and then tie it to her gaming. Let's say if she filled out her Reading saying "Read", this wouldn't be checked because I don't know if she had to read something or if she read something at school, or exactly what she read. Then each checked category equals 10 minutes of gaming. Her average for the past few weeks has been 10 minutes of gaming a day, which she cannot stand. On the flip side, her planner and homework have shown improvement.
My biggest hurdle is getting her to get over specific game characters and push her to always do her homework. Her gaming will be limited until her grades improve. She needs to go into some counseling or therapy, but only has two weeks left of school. Then she's off to her mom's for two and a half months, which is another horrifying story.
I'm not sure I'm following your strategy of allowing her 10 minutes of gaming for each checklist category in her homework planner. You say her gaming average has only been 10 min. a day...and you say that's a success. Well, she's spending less time gaming, that's for sure, but if it is explicitly tied to her homework how is she doing so much more homework and yet only getting 10 minutes of gaming a day?
What am I missing? - because it sounds like she's mad as hell about gaming but is "on strike" regarding homework - so she's cutting off her nose to spite her face. Which doesn't sound like a success. And yeah, with school almost out in two weeks, I could hold my breath for THAT length of time anyway as a kid!
I didn't give enough information about her planner, just because I didn't think it was necessary. Her planner has about 6 categories: Reading, Writing, Math, Social Studies, Science and Other. She has to fill each a category, about what she has to do as far as homework. This has been slipping though and homework hasn't been getting done or turned in. Previously I just checked it, aligned with her homework folder, and said "OK" you get an hour worth of gaming. Now, its about improving that because 6th grade will be 20 times harder.
Now, I check each category to see if it makes sense; mostly for her but I have also have to make sense it. One example was the Reading category, which she never filled out. So far, she just put "Read" as what she did in school. I wanted her to expand on that more. What did she read? Does she have to read a book at home? How many pages or minutes?
She has been filling out each category but I don't check the ones that don't make sense or don't give enough information. Especially the categories that say "N/A". She gets 10 minutes for each checked category and so far, she has gotten one or two actually checked. She's happy that she gets to play the game but not happy its only for 10 to 20 minutes.
I like this strategy because it forces her to do more. As well as her homework. She has been pulling the wool over our eyes and some extreme measures need to be taken.
How long has she been focused on this one character? If it's only been a couple months, I wouldn't worry. Some people get really focused on things for a bit before they move to the next thing, while others have a bunch of interests for longer stretch of time.
My husband is the first. He gets into something (like coins) and it's all he is into. He'll research, watch videos, read about this one topic almost obsessively for 2-3 months, then he drops it completely when he comes across something new.
I am the second. I have a whole bunch of things that interest me and my head bounces around from topic to topic, but my interests in the topics is usually never lost.
You can try to break up her focus by introducing her to other things and new hobbies, but you may just have to wait it out.
I wish I had some advice. 11 is a tough age and it's not unusual for kids to disappear into fantasy because reality isn't all that great. Both my kids are gamers but did develop other interests in high school when they hit their stride socially. My son's world in 6th grade was mostly a Star Wars MMO.
My daughter liked Zelda too and also wanted to be an artist. She drew her anime characters all through her teen years and wasn't that interested in school or grades, I had to sit on her to get things done. Typical underachiever. I even had to force her into college where there was a major that incorporated being artistic with computer technology. Now she is 28, has that triangle (triforce?) tattooed on her arm, owns a full Link costume (and others..) that she cosplays in at conventions. She's also working in media/entertainment industry where being the nerdy, artistic girl is making her a ton of money.
Personally, I would throw out the video games. Give the kid some books - even comic books. Send her outside to play.
And, what does "going to 6th grade with a passing grade" mean? She's barely making it - a D, a C?
Also, although I get the idea of rewarding something she likes for something she doesn't like, truthfully, it doesn't sound like it's working. If gaming were a true motivation, she would be checking off those boxes like a crazy person. Obviously, she hates homework more (and is willing to bare the consequences more) than she likes gaming.
What happens over the summer when she doesn't have to "earn" her gaming time?
I think therapy is pushing it at this point. It's easy for kids to choose something they like over school when they are 11. If she was playing video games 18-20 hours a day then you should be seeking therapy for her.
My husband is the first. He gets into something (like coins) and it's all he is into. He'll research, watch videos, read about this one topic almost obsessively for 2-3 months, then he drops it completely when he comes across something new.
I'm the same way. I've had people tell me it's a trait of Asperger's as well.
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which she cannot stand. On the flip side, her planner and homework have shown improvement.
