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Old 06-29-2009, 01:05 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,604,216 times
Reputation: 3125

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I just need to vent. That's all. First, let me say that I have tried for 13 years to like my 14 year old step son. I just don't. I'm over it, and I really don't need nor want that psychoanalyzed. From the time he was 2 until he was 12 he was horrible to my children. HORRIBLE. So there's that.

I haven't/won't tell my husband I don't like his son, but I'm sure he has figured it out. But I'm SO glad we moved to VA from TX b/c now I don't have to deal w/ him more than once a year anymore, and neither do my children. I do not treat him meanly. I include him in everything we do when he's here. I make sure he and his dad have time alone. But I don't trust him to be alone around my daughters (not b/c I think he'll be physically abusive, but mentally).

I don't like his attitude. At all. He's rude, he lies on a constant basis, he won't look you in the eye, etc. He's had to go to a special school so that his school district wouldn't expel him. He lied about his classes and failed 9th grade this year. He's hit teachers. (Should mention his younger brother [different dad] also failed his grade this year).

When he's here, he follows my son around 24/7. It's driving him (my son) crazy. I mean to the point of when my son came in the living room to try to sleep alone, my ss followed him in here and slept on the floor instead of staying in the room to sleep.

My husband, mother in law, father in law, etc get super defensive if ANYTHING bad is said about the kid. I try not to even talk about him anymore b/c I get tired of fighting about him. Did he get trouble for failing school? nope. No one, not his mom (whom I get along w/ quite well) nor my husband has said crap to him about it. Their excuse? "he'll be punished enough when his friends move on to 10th grade and he doesn't". He's almost failed for the past 2 or 3 years but his mom put him in summer school instead of allowing it. She said she's tired of it. So fail he will I guess. not my problem anymore.

It's annoying b/c we don't raise our children here like that. My son better NOT fail school. I'd hate to have to kill him, lol. My children are constantly commended for their politeness. If someone tells us something negative about our kids, we listen and if it's true, they're in trouble. period.

There's tons more but I don't feel like typing it all and it's 3 am and I'm tired now. I just needed to vent to someone and obviously it can't be my husband in regards to this.
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Old 06-29-2009, 04:28 AM
 
467 posts, read 845,312 times
Reputation: 223
Sounds like he has Aspergers (sorta like Autism). If he does he may not really be able to control all his actions. Those things can be helped thru therapy.

Not suggesting you can do much about that personally, just sounds VERY familiar to me.

I bet if you moved this post to the "Special Needs" topic thread you'd get alot of responses from people that can relate.

If he's been doing this since he was a toddler, I'd be willing to bet he does have something akin to Autism, rather than just chalking it up to being a brat. Its easy to do that. I'd assign the term "brat" to someone that started doing it around puberty or something.

I can relate with being the step-parent, as well, where the bio-child can do no wrong even when its obvious.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,604,216 times
Reputation: 3125
No, he doesn't have the symptoms of it. He's just bad. He can fully function in society, he just would rather impress his friends. He's only been mean and mentally abusive to my kids since he was a toddler, not all the time.

How do you deal w/ the step parent thing mr. mom?
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:18 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 3,735,325 times
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It sounds like you're handling it the best way you can, given the situation. It does sound like something is going on with him, however, even if it's not Asperger's. He sounds like he could use some therapy if he hasn't had any already. In fact, the whole family could benefit. Hang in there.

I know how kids can get on your nerves, as much as you love them. But I don't believe any child is bad but does bad things. Not judging, just making a statement.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:19 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,493,151 times
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Kids are not born "bad". So, he adores his step brother.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,127,166 times
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I understand the frustration you feel for his actions NOW - I have a harder time with the phrase that he was horrible as 2 y.o. Toddlers do not just "know" how to behave - they act out of emotions. Maybe he felt threatened by you or your kids and his behavior reflected that? Maybe he was jealous and acted out. Regarless, at this point it sounds like family therapy would be the best bet. Letting "the school" parent him is not fair to anyone. The school or the child.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,604,216 times
Reputation: 3125
Bowian, I've suggested therapy. You'd think, since my father in law is a psychologist, that would have gone over well. It didn't. At all.

Pandamonium, I don't understand your post.

macie, I didn't blame him at that age. But when he was that age, he would hit my son all the time and people just thought it was cute. It wasn't.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:28 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,493,151 times
Reputation: 1846
Quote:
When he's here, he follows my son around 24/7. It's driving him (my son) crazy. I mean to the point of when my son came in the living room to try to sleep alone, my ss followed him in here and slept on the floor instead of staying in the room to sleep.
Ever thought that he is following your son because he likes him?
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,127,166 times
Reputation: 35582
Quote:
I didn't blame him at that age. But when he was that age, he would hit my son all the time and people just thought it was cute. It wasn't
Of course, but that is a parenting issue - not unusual toddler behavior - but should have been corrected. To me, your post sounded like you thought he was basically born evil and it was his fault....maybe I misinterpreted.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Northern VA
3,872 posts, read 7,604,216 times
Reputation: 3125
It probably did sound that way - I'm just so sick of the whole thing that I didn't bother to differentiate. Sorry.

Pandamonium, I would say yes, but he's started fights w/ my son, he's hit him, he's had both of my girls tell him they didn't love him when they were too young to know better, he's talked bad about my son to his friends and tried to turn them against him (fortunately my son has great taste in friends and they ALL came to him and told him what was going on), he's refused to speak to him, he's lied to him, etc. If that's how he expresses like, I'd hate to be loved by him.
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