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Old 04-16-2007, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,635,552 times
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I think 25 to 35 is the best age grouping. I had mine at 28 and 30 which was perfect. It would have been nice to have a third but my husband freaked out with jealousy of them. It pains me that my kids won't be married till their 30s.

My sisters-in-law waited till their 40's and spent thousands of dollars for the one child each they were finally able to conceive. One had to use donated eggs so the child is not biologically hers. Early menopause can hit even in the 30s. Anyway, now they're looking at working into their 70s to make sure the kids get through college, not to mention that they're already tired. Don't wait.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 3,713,927 times
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All of you have made such wonderful points! Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

Sampugita (sorry if I screwed up the spelling here...)--a friend of mine is 35 and also having similar issues. She can get pregnant, but the baby passes on when she is about 7-8 weeks along. She has lost 3 babies now. The doctors are going to start testing her for a chromosonal issue as well. It is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are with you.

I Love PA- Your doctor's comment to you is quite powerful--life is about living. I think I would be a good mother, and most of the time I really want to be (occasionally I have some doubts--especially after talking to a friend of mine that is pretty negative about being a parent). I don't want to let the opportunity pass me by. I've never been pregnant, and have never tried to be pregnant, so I don't know if I have any fertility issues or not. Waiting until I am older, and then having additional fertility problems on top of that, would be very upsetting to me.

Twinkle Toes--I totally understand. It is only over the past year or two that I have felt mentally and emotionally ready for a child. On the other hand, I am getting an MA (I am almost done--just need to write the thesis) and I know I couldn't do both at the same time. It is amazing that you were able to go to school and be a mom. I have such great respect for women that can do that. I think I would be a stressed out nut case.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 21,131,710 times
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Have them when you feel ready. Is there a reason you are waiting for the 5 year wedding anniversary? Is it just a random number you picked? Don't hold yourself to deadlines you set long ago; you can be flexible and change your plans as your situation and feelings change.

Everyone is different. For us, my husband and I have been married for a year and a half. I love this time we have together. We are waiting to have kids until we buy a house, which will hopefully be in the next 9-12 months. I would also like to have savings equal to 6 months' expenses put aside. But whether we do or not, we want to start trying by early next year. My parents were young and healthy when they had me, their firstborn, and it took 2 years of trying! My husband is 35 and he feels he wants to have kids before he gets "too old." I want to be done having kids by the time I am 35, to reduce our chances of high-risk pregnancy (I'm 28 this month and we want 2-3 kids). So ready or not, we need to start trying by early next year. Whether we conceive quickly or not, we'll handle whatever happens.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 3,713,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stellar9 View Post
If you wait until you are ready, you may wait forever. If you wait until you are financially secure, then who's to say you will still be secure when the kid is 10 years old? We cannot predict the future. Most people who have children and have regrets, regret waiting so long and not having more, at least it seems to me.

You might want to check around your family and see when the women start to lose their fertility. If you have sisters, or your mom or aunts who had early menopause or problems conceiving in their 30s, then you should be concerned about waiting that long.

Why don't you make a couple of budget scenarios for having a baby sooner and whether you will work or not and see how things look. Maybe you can tighten your belts a bit and feel better about conceiving earlier.

There is no perfect time to have a baby. Who knows, you might get pregnant unplanned and then you'll have to figure things out. Even contraceptives have failure rates.
My mom had me when she was 18. Later, in her 30s I believe, my parents tried having another one but couldn't due to my dad (same dad, not sure what happend there). She did have indometriousis (i know this isn't spelled correctly) and had a hysterectomy at 45. I am an only child, and my mom was adopted, so I have no idea what the fertility history of my family is. My dad has a few sisters, all who have conceived, but I think they were younger than I am now when they did.

Here's another question--how long does a woman need to be off of the pill before she is fertile again? I have been on the pill for a good 10 years now and I wonder if that will affect my chances.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 21,131,710 times
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I have heard that gynos recommend being off the pill for 3 months before trying to conceive (don't know why), but it is possible to be fertile immediately after going off of the pill.
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 3,713,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
Have them when you feel ready. Is there a reason you are waiting for the 5 year wedding anniversary? Is it just a random number you picked? Don't hold yourself to deadlines you set long ago; you can be flexible and change your plans as your situation and feelings change.

Everyone is different. For us, my husband and I have been married for a year and a half. I love this time we have together. We are waiting to have kids until we buy a house, which will hopefully be in the next 9-12 months. I would also like to have savings equal to 6 months' expenses put aside. But whether we do or not, we want to start trying by early next year. My parents were young and healthy when they had me, their firstborn, and it took 2 years of trying! My husband is 35 and he feels he wants to have kids before he gets "too old." I want to be done having kids by the time I am 35, to reduce our chances of high-risk pregnancy (I'm 28 this month and we want 2-3 kids). So ready or not, we need to start trying by early next year. Whether we conceive quickly or not, we'll handle whatever happens.
We decided on 5 years because we thought that it would be a nice number of years to just be married.

I feel the same way about the house; I want one too before we have children, but maybe it isn't necessary. We bought a condo (it is too small to have children), and want to sell it this summer and then move out of state when I graduate. However, the housing market in Sacramento, CA has really taken a nose dive. There are hundreds of condos on the market right now that are just sitting there.

Here's a random thought...maybe I wouldn't procrastinate on getting my MA thesis done if I were pregnant. That would be good motivation to graduate!
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:09 PM
 
17,159 posts, read 22,175,230 times
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leaving,,,i was 27 when i got married,,we went to jamaica(montego bay) for the honeymoon,,,and i was practicing,,the tried and true method of "pull-out" birth-control...i guess my timing was off,,,because she got pregnant,,,that week,,,
we were both working professionals,,,,and just being married,,,we had a gameplan,,,rent/save for a house, wait 3-5 yrs for a baby,,etc.
i remember like yesterday, she took a ept test and it was positive,,she was reluctant to tell me at first,,for fear how id react,, but when i actually heard those words,,,i jumped for joy,!!
i prayed silently ,,she wouldnt miscarry, and baby would be healthy,
even tho we had a "plan" there is nothing so amazing than holding a little baby you have made.....and on the day he was born (c-section) i remember holding him,,,in amazement,,,wonder,,,,nothing else mattered,,,,,,not the "plan" we had,,not how much money we had in our savings or checking,,,,i wept for 40 minutes,,,it was the happiest day of my life,,i thanked god,,in my prayers and also prayed,,any sins in my past ,,,make sure (karma) it comes back on me,,not on this little gift in my hands,, i vowed id be the close dad i never had, not to be too "busy" for him, not to miss his sports games/birthdays, etc, hug him often, show him that the strength of a man,,is not how tough he thinks he is,,or how big his truck is,,,the true strength of a father is instilling confidence in his children,,to be all they can be,,not be afraid of thier own shadows,,,not be dragged down by others,

im sorry i got to rambling,, my opinion would be,,,dont wait,,we live in "todays" ,
the "right" time is now,,,,not defined around "things"
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 3,713,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
leaving,,,i was 27 when i got married,,we went to jamaica(montego bay) for the honeymoon,,,and i was practicing,,the tried and true method of "pull-out" birth-control...i guess my timing was off,,,because she got pregnant,,,that week,,,
we were both working professionals,,,,and just being married,,,we had a gameplan,,,rent/save for a house, wait 3-5 yrs for a baby,,etc.
i remember like yesterday, she took a ept test and it was positive,,she was reluctant to tell me at first,,for fear how id react,, but when i actually heard those words,,,i jumped for joy,!!
i prayed silently ,,she wouldnt miscarry, and baby would be healthy,
even tho we had a "plan" there is nothing so amazing than holding a little baby you have made.....and on the day he was born (c-section) i remember holding him,,,in amazement,,,wonder,,,,nothing else mattered,,,,,,not the "plan" we had,,not how much money we had in our savings or checking,,,,i wept for 40 minutes,,,it was the happiest day of my life,,i thanked god,,in my prayers and also prayed,,any sins in my past ,,,make sure (karma) it comes back on me,,not on this little gift in my hands,, i vowed id be the close dad i never had, not to be too "busy" for him, not to miss his sports games/birthdays, etc, hug him often, show him that the strength of a man,,is not how tough he thinks he is,,or how big his truck is,,,the true strength of a father is instilling confidence in his children,,to be all they can be,,not be afraid of thier own shadows,,,not be dragged down by others,

im sorry i got to rambling,, my opinion would be,,,dont wait,,we live in "todays" ,
the "right" time is now,,,,not defined around "things"
What a beautiful post! You almost brought me to tears...
Gosh, all of you are really starting to get that biological clock ticking. How do I convince the hubby when he gets home tonight that it is baby time?!?!?!
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:17 PM
 
2,833 posts, read 9,604,877 times
Reputation: 1651
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
leaving,,,i was 27 when i got married,,we went to jamaica(montego bay) for the honeymoon,,,and i was practicing,,the tried and true method of "pull-out" birth-control...i guess my timing was off,,,because she got pregnant,,,that week,,,
we were both working professionals,,,,and just being married,,,we had a gameplan,,,rent/save for a house, wait 3-5 yrs for a baby,,etc.
i remember like yesterday, she took a ept test and it was positive,,she was reluctant to tell me at first,,for fear how id react,, but when i actually heard those words,,,i jumped for joy,!!
i prayed silently ,,she wouldnt miscarry, and baby would be healthy,
even tho we had a "plan" there is nothing so amazing than holding a little baby you have made.....and on the day he was born (c-section) i remember holding him,,,in amazement,,,wonder,,,,nothing else mattered,,,,,,not the "plan" we had,,not how much money we had in our savings or checking,,,,i wept for 40 minutes,,,it was the happiest day of my life,,i thanked god,,in my prayers and also prayed,,any sins in my past ,,,make sure (karma) it comes back on me,,not on this little gift in my hands,, i vowed id be the close dad i never had, not to be too "busy" for him, not to miss his sports games/birthdays, etc, hug him often, show him that the strength of a man,,is not how tough he thinks he is,,or how big his truck is,,,the true strength of a father is instilling confidence in his children,,to be all they can be,,not be afraid of thier own shadows,,,not be dragged down by others,

im sorry i got to rambling,, my opinion would be,,,dont wait,,we live in "todays" ,
the "right" time is now,,,,not defined around "things"
Wow!!! What a story...and so true.
I remember spending the night crying after my first was born, it was at that moment that I truly realized how much my parents loved me, I knew they loved me of course, but the feelings were overwhelming. We were so concerned about bringing that baby home to a nice house, and honestly, if my roof had caved in the day she was born I wouldn't have cared. It is so life changing, mind bogling. There is truly nothing that even comes close to being a parent. And as far as having room....all you need is a place to put a crib, not a good excuse to wait....
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Old 04-16-2007, 10:30 PM
 
140 posts, read 487,833 times
Reputation: 90
You never know how much love you have within you until you become a parent, either biologically or other methods. Just knowing that there is an innocent little life in the world who depends on you and needs your love is enough to make you want to protect them, hold them. The day I had my son and held him for the first time, every painful or negative thought I had ever had melted away like ice. It was the most wonderful feeling. I wasn't financially prepared for my son, either, but I was ready emotionally for him. I spoke to him, read to him, played him music when I was pregnant. It was wonderful. There is nothing like it. If you really want a baby, now is the time. When you love someone that much, you will do whatever it takes to provide a loving home for them. To Mainbrokerman, you are a wonderful father. It's so wonderful to hear a father's perspective like yours. Your son is very blessed.
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