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Old 04-20-2007, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,668 posts, read 19,914,691 times
Reputation: 21277

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I feel like I have run the gamut of emotions about having a child. Growing up, I never wanted children and said I wouldn't have them. I guess I thought I'd find someone to marry who also didn't want children. Well, life didn't work out that way. My husband did want children, but by the time we got around to having them (my late twenties) there were medical issues. I didn't think we would be able to adopt -at least not a newborn which is what we wanted, but by the grace of God, we did. I was somewhat ambivalent about it even at that point. I wondered if I would really love the child. Well, I needn't have worried. He arrived when he was 3 days old, and I was "head over heels" in love with him. He was a glorious child and we were crazy about him. However, about 6 years ago, he was killed, along with 2 of his friends, in a freak car accident. He was 16. We appreciated him always, but in his death, we learned to appreciate what we had even more. The years I had with my son were the most precious, cherished years of my life, and despite the pain of losing him, we regret nothing. Those of you that have children, please cherish them-they are one of God's greatest gifts.
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Old 04-20-2007, 06:15 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,030,631 times
Reputation: 2248
Oh, KayKay...I am so sorry for the loss of your son! I cannot imagine your pain. I hope that when those of us who are able to adopt meet our children for the first time we will all fall "head over heels" and cherish every moment.
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Old 04-20-2007, 06:24 PM
 
208 posts, read 584,299 times
Reputation: 207
Kaykay, Sorry for the loss of your son. Nothing worse then losing a child. god bless you and your family.

Our children are our hearts walking around!
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Old 04-20-2007, 07:08 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,023,204 times
Reputation: 936
Quote:
Originally Posted by leavingcali View Post
I'm 29, and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years. My husband and I both want to be married for 5 years before we have a baby (assuming we can procreate). However, sometimes I worry about my age. I will be almost 31 by the time the 5 year anniversary rolls around. Is that too old, too young? (I hear that the older you get, the harder it can be to conceive, AND, the mother and baby's rates of health and delivery problems go up. Additionally, how far along financially should one be before they have children? Many, many, many people tell me that you'll never have enough money or be "ready" to have children, so just have them. What are your thoughts on this? It seems irresponsible to me, but then again, it is so hard to "make it" nowadays. Maybe it is impossible to be as financially ready as one would hope.

What are your thoughts and experiences regarding this topic?
I didn't have my first child until I was 33 years old. I was just like you - we wanted to wait. Then when we were ready we couldn't get pregnant! It took over five years to get pregnant. Now I just had my second one last year and I'm 36 years old.

My advice? Have them when you are younger. It's easier. You have more energy to keep up with them, you are less set in your ways, and you will still be able to enjoy your retirement and travel after they are grown and on their own.
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Old 04-20-2007, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
Reputation: 1382
hello all-I realize I am not the norm and I consider myself extremely fortunate.I did not get married until I was 38.My husband is 12 years younger than I and we were together 5 years before marriage.In my younger years I never wanted kids,but finally being with my soulmate I realized I would love to have a child.Not knowing what would happen,we were very willing to adopt.We even waited a year before starting to try.But after only 4 months I was pregnant and had my first son at 40.I had my second son at 43 and was able to get pregnant on my own once again at 46,and had my daughter at 47!All were normal pregnancies and deliveries.I was my doctors oldest delivery! Again,I feel very blessed and I would not have been a good mother earlier in my life.I had a great career,traveled,and had to wait a long time for the right man.I feel that my kids keep me young.The right time is different for everyone.There is certainly something to be said for being financially secure when you have your kids because it is a strain.I guess I just feel like I love devouting time to my kids because I had the first 40 years of my life to myself!What I hate to see are young people having kids and still going out to bars etc.That's not to say you can't still have a life,but things change when kids come into your life.
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Old 04-21-2007, 06:14 AM
 
Location: State College PA
402 posts, read 1,994,083 times
Reputation: 255
We had children pretty quick b/c my husband didn't think he could have children (doctor told him - low count), we had only been married 7 mos when we started trying. He was 40 at the time, I didn't want him to be much older with newborns.
Pregnant the FIRST month!
In retrospect, if I had known how fast I'd become pregnant, we would've waited.
It truly changes a marriage and a life. It is wonderful, but it is certainly more difficult (MUCH more so with 2 than with one). We were never able to go and do things together that we can't do now. We would've traveled and goofed off a lot more if we had known!
BTW - my unplanned c-section bills were 16K. That doesn't include prenatal care and his first few visits!
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Old 04-24-2007, 05:41 PM
 
Location: NW Atlanta
1,372 posts, read 4,755,998 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by leavingcali View Post
I'm 29, and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years. My husband and I both want to be married for 5 years before we have a baby (assuming we can procreate). However, sometimes I worry about my age. I will be almost 31 by the time the 5 year anniversary rolls around. Is that too old, too young? (I hear that the older you get, the harder it can be to conceive, AND, the mother and baby's rates of health and delivery problems go up. Additionally, how far along financially should one be before they have children? Many, many, many people tell me that you'll never have enough money or be "ready" to have children, so just have them. What are your thoughts on this? It seems irresponsible to me, but then again, it is so hard to "make it" nowadays. Maybe it is impossible to be as financially ready as one would hope.

What are your thoughts and experiences regarding this topic?

BE OLD ENOUGH TO RESPECT THEM AND YOUNG ENOUGH TO ENJOY THEM
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Old 04-26-2007, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,906 posts, read 6,124,729 times
Reputation: 2601
Wow, interesting stories!!

I'll just add what many have already said, whenever you have your child, you will be in love with them. I never thought I was maternal because I had raised my three younger sisters and decided not to have children. Later, around 40, I started to think about it, and at 41 got married. I had heard all those stories about fertility, too, and figured why use birth control, since it probably won't happen -- next month, bam! I'm pregnant.

My daughter was born when I was 42, and she is my little gift from God! I am so happy I had her. I was absolutely STUNNED at my feelings of love for her -- I truly did not know I was capable of such depth of love. Having a child must crank the body up into some biological level of sustaining the human race, because I never experienced such intense feelings in my life!!

In a way, I was glad when she got to be a little more independent because those mother bear feelings of protecting your young one are so intense, that when she became more independent, I could relax a little more. Of course, as a doctor told a friend of mine when she had her first baby and was worried about some things with her child: "You're a mother now -- you'll always worry!" So true, so true.

And as others have said, since we do not get any training on having kids or child rearing, it is hard to know when is the right time. The fact is, if you are married, have a supportive partner, have enough money to live on, and you want a child, it's probably a good time. You will always run into glitches, that's just life. But when you hold that baby for the first time, you will be in shock at how intensely you feel. It truly is a marvel of nature.

Good luck to you, and enjoy your family!!
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Old 04-27-2007, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,840,329 times
Reputation: 1650
Quote:
Originally Posted by dncngrl1964 View Post
BE OLD ENOUGH TO RESPECT THEM AND YOUNG ENOUGH TO ENJOY THEM
This is perfect!
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Old 04-27-2007, 01:28 PM
 
3,042 posts, read 7,939,731 times
Reputation: 1147
it is time when you are ready to make the life long committment and you and your husband have decided you can afford it and ready to have one
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