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Old 04-16-2007, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 3,714,439 times
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I'm 29, and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years. My husband and I both want to be married for 5 years before we have a baby (assuming we can procreate). However, sometimes I worry about my age. I will be almost 31 by the time the 5 year anniversary rolls around. Is that too old, too young? (I hear that the older you get, the harder it can be to conceive, AND, the mother and baby's rates of health and delivery problems go up. Additionally, how far along financially should one be before they have children? Many, many, many people tell me that you'll never have enough money or be "ready" to have children, so just have them. What are your thoughts on this? It seems irresponsible to me, but then again, it is so hard to "make it" nowadays. Maybe it is impossible to be as financially ready as one would hope.

What are your thoughts and experiences regarding this topic?
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Old 04-16-2007, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Weston, FL and Vero Beach, Fl
2,945 posts, read 11,939,494 times
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My assistant had her baby at 35 and she was fine. No your not getting too old. I know women in their 40's who are having their first child. I don't suggest you wait that long, however.

If you really want children, it's perfectly ok to wait.

Now, I will tell you what I did. I chose not to have children and I don't have a single regret. I made this decision in my late teen's. I married at 34 to a man many years older and it was perfect for him not to have any more children. He passed away. My second husband would have been a wonderful father. He was fine not having children. We are happy and thankful that we didn't have children - no regrets. We have a very strong marriage.
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Old 04-16-2007, 04:51 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,164,204 times
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I very much respect the decision to be child-free.

Obviously the decision to have children (or not) needs careful consideration, but when it gets down to it, nobody really knows what parenthood will be like until they dive in.
Do you want to have one child, or more?
Frankly, I was kind of glad we had the first when I was almost 28 because we did end up having one more when I was 35.
But that's just me. My grandma, at the height of the Depression, had twin girls at 42 when she already had two strapping teenage boys.
Talk to your spouse and see what resolution you two come up with.
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Old 04-16-2007, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Journey's End
10,189 posts, read 24,468,746 times
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My daughter had her first child at 33, and just had her second child one week ago. Many of her friends are more recently married, and also just starting families. Another good friend, 37, just had her first child.

The clock is ticking but with modern science, it appears we have a longer life and more opportunity to conceive successfully and without trauma to children or oneself.
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:13 PM
 
Location: NE Florida
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I had a child when I was a few months shy of being 39. No meds, short labor, he had a high apgar. Same thing with my first child fifteen years earlier.

Every woman is different as far as fertility and childbirth, of course, but one thing that I do agree with- if we had waited until we thought we had enough money, we never would have had any. That said, I didn't have to clip diaper coupons with the second. But I was lucky to be able to stay home with both- although I was extremely frugal when I had my first. I think it must be extremly hard to have to work 40 hours and have an infant.
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 3,714,439 times
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[quote=cil;586776]I very much respect the decision to be child-free.

I do too. I sometimes worry about how marriage is affected by children. We have a strong marriage, and my husband will make a great father, but it seems like raising children can add a LOT of stress and pressure to a marriage. Ideally, children will bring you closer together; however, this isn't the case with some marriages.

Do you want to have one child, or more?


Not sure...I am an only child, and for years I thought I had to have 2 (being the only child can be lonely). Now, I don't know. I think I will just have to wait and see how the first one goes
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
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I had my first child when I was 21 and in college. I was a stressed out mom! I had the next child when I was 31 and I felt that I was better prepared to be a parent at that point because I was no longer in college or law school and I was a more mature person and more responsible. I'm not saying I was a bad parent with my first child, just that I was better prepared to be a parent the second time. I find that I have more patience with children the older I get too.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:07 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,033,425 times
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It does not always pay to wait.

I am 41 & struggling to conceive my first child. My diagnosis? My age - my eggs are older & therefore have chromosomal abnormalities which becomes more prevalent as we get older.

I've been trying for 2 years. We also wanted to wait to be more financially stable. Our decision has put us in a huge financial hole.

I have hundreds of on-line friends who are in their mid 30's-early 40's also struggling with infertility. Locally, I have more than a dozen friends of this age bracket struggling to get pregnant for the first time.

While modern science has been a huge help to many people trying to get pregnant it does NOT work for everyone. I've cycled 6 times & spent close to 60k trying to get pg.

If I knew then what I know now, I would not have put off trying to get pregnant until I was 39.

I'm not trying to scare you. I am just putting forth another real-life perspective.

Good luck with your decision and baby dust to you when you take the plunge!
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:25 PM
 
2,833 posts, read 9,606,204 times
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leavingcali...
I'm 47, have a 15 and 19 yr old, I was 27 and 31 when I had them.
We were married 5 years when our first was born. We had bough a fixer upper house when we were married for 2 yrs. We wanted a house before we had kids, but then when we got the house, we said, "Let's wait till the kitchen is done, let's wait till the bedroom is done" and so on. One day I said to my husband, "Now what, are we waiting till the mortgage is paid off?" So we decided to try...2 1/2 weeks later, I was pregnant. 4 yrs later our second was born. Each baby put us in a real finiancial bind, but somehow it worked out. We were sure that we only wanted 2 children after the first was born.
Well, 15 yrs after the last baby...I can tell you, I am sorry we waited so long to have our first, and I am sorry we didn't have more. I love being a mother, that's all I ever wanted. Sometimes I think of adopting an older child, but it is too expensive.
Another thing to think about...my kids are teens, still need a lot of work, time and attention, but my parents (my Mom was 30 when she had me) are now older and needing care at the same time. Having your children young avoids having children who really need you at the same time as parents really needing you.
Now if that isn't a lot to think about...
My OB/GYN (he was an older Dr.) had asked me when I was planning on having a baby after being married a few years, well as soon as the question was out of his mouth it was apparent that I was more than a little stressed by the decision. He simply said to me "Life is to be lived" It really had an impact on me.
And in the words of John Lennon "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Twin Cities, CA
199 posts, read 1,010,233 times
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If you wait until you are ready, you may wait forever. If you wait until you are financially secure, then who's to say you will still be secure when the kid is 10 years old? We cannot predict the future. Most people who have children and have regrets, regret waiting so long and not having more, at least it seems to me.

You might want to check around your family and see when the women start to lose their fertility. If you have sisters, or your mom or aunts who had early menopause or problems conceiving in their 30s, then you should be concerned about waiting that long.

Why don't you make a couple of budget scenarios for having a baby sooner and whether you will work or not and see how things look. Maybe you can tighten your belts a bit and feel better about conceiving earlier.

There is no perfect time to have a baby. Who knows, you might get pregnant unplanned and then you'll have to figure things out. Even contraceptives have failure rates.
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