First-time parents over 40? Anyone here in that situation? (daycare, teens, infants)

[jacq63]

Hi there,

I don't know if such a thread exists, I did a search and didn't find anything specific. I'd like to hear from people who are first time parents in their 40s. I'd like to hear about management in terms of physical and emotional health, how your stamina is, how much your life has changed (or not), any trips o/s you've taken with a newborn or young child. Do you live in the city or country, will/did you change locale prior to your babys birth for its sake...any info or experiences welcome.

There is some information on the web, but it seems to be focussed on IVF or surrogacy, or it's about people who have already had kids. I'm wanting to hear from people who have had natural pregnancy and birth, straight from the horses mouth so to speak.



My own mother was 38 when I was born and my father was 40, and inevitably I became an only child. I was keenly aware that my parents seemed and looked so much older than everyone elses, but that was in the 60's and things have (hopefully) changed. I also felt odd b/c everyone else had siblings too. Mind you, I had more toys!

Oh, and don't worry about what it says in my profile if you go there, I'm not even vegetarian anymore!

TIA!

[charz]

I wasn't in my 40's when my children were born (although I am now). I was 35 when my daughter was born and 37 when my son was born. My sister was 39 when her child was born. I did not have the energy I remembered having when I was in my 20's but I was definitely more stable. In my 20's, I was single, jumping from job to job, and pretty poor. When my children were born, I had a steady job, a much better income, and was married. While I could have chased a child more easily, I was a much better mother having waited until my mid to late 30's.

[L.K.]

Hello, I became a new Mom at 40.I went on to have two more kids at 43 and 47,all done the old fashioned way. I am now almost 53 [Aug]. I never felt odd about being of "advanced age". I have more energy than most, as I am thin, I eat right and I exercise, dress fashionably,have interests and hobbies and am very involved in my kids activities. Also,my husband is 12 years younger than me,so he and the kids keep me young! My oldest is almost 13 and he has never mentioned the fact that I'm older than most other moms.Than again,I don't look it, feel it, or act it.We run in races together and I play soccer with him.I bike with my 9 year old and he has told me he's glad I'm not fat like some other moms. We have always traveled with the kids. I continued working until # 3 was born,then retired. Life changed drasticallly with kids.The good about that was to change your focus to a new little life and not focus on yourself and all your own needs and desires anymore.On the other hand,for a time it was hard to just not have time for many things that you used to do. But, over time, you get used to that and as the kids get older and become alittle less dependent, you can start to have some time again. I cannot imagine my life without them.I believe I would have ended up a very ridgid,self-centered person, much like my older, childless sister.

[KathyR]

I had my first child at 36 and second at 38, so I was pretty close to 40. I am now 46. I had always wanted three kids, but wasn't ready to have another when my two were so young and close together. Once I hit 40 I was so vain about having a baby at that age I didn't have more! At times I regret it but we are getting a puppy this summer, so that should fill the void, lol. I will say this - if my situation had been different and I was in my 40's and contemplating my 1st child I would definitely do it. Like the previous poster, I am fit, well-kept and fairly energetic (though I just watch the soccer, I don't play it). I don't feel much less able to run around than I did twenty years ago, but far more sane, happy, mature and financially stable. The biggest thing I give my kids is unconditional love. If you have that to give it does not matter what your age is.

[Sam82]

I used to work in a pre-school. Many of the mothers were in their early -mid forties (meaning they had their children around the age of 40). Although there are still teens and young women having babies, many women are waiting to have their children. I think that IF I decide to have children, I'll wait until I"m in my late 30s or early 40s. You'll be fine, OP.

In fact a friend of mine had her daughter young (age 21). She said she always felt out of place because the other mothers at her daughter's daycare were so much older (she was 24 at the time).

[nuala]

Had first child at 39.5, second at 41. I had/have no problems in terms of energy (except for natural 'problems' with 2 young kids 18 months apart).

People having kids the second time around, (the first time in their 20s), tell about the difference in their energy and stamina. If I had already the circle of parenting behind me, I would probably be dreading, too, to start it all over. But, I led a single, very active life right to the late 30s, my nerves weren't shot by raising kids So, always distinguish between the two when hearing people' experiences!

I moved from the life in large cities to a rural area, just before having kids, and we live in a very quiet place surrounded by woods and animals. I cannot compare this with rearing kids in a city, since I've never done that, but I know that I would rather let them grow up in the nature, - they always can relocate to a city if so desired when grown up.

You are right looking at your mother's fertility as most likely your fertility will be alike. My mother had my sister at 37. I had my kids at 39 and 41, and now at 45 am still on the fence deciding if I should have another one. Our biggest concern is my hubby's age - which was 56 and 57 at the time our kids were born, and now he is 62 I know that we are pushing it on the father's side. - that for sure changed from your memory in the 60s.

I was concerned, too, about how I would fare among other mothers - but apparently this trend of older mothers is spreading. The parents of my dd's classmates are about my age or in their late 30s, - there are more of us than parents in their 20s.

Trips - young infants/toddlers are very portable. There are no classes or schedules to adhere for them, so up to their 3rd or 4th year all the difference on trips is an extra car seat, possibly a stroller, and an extra bag of clothes.

[Nancy in Nokomis]

Well - I can look at it from both sides. My Mother had me at 40 and I had my first child at 41 - I now have 2 kids. I exercise and take care of myself but it is very tiring - I love my babies who are now and 4 but I wish I had them earlier and I also wish I could have another child.

I feel a little out of place at the preschool and other places - the other Moms are so young and I do not relate to most of them. Now that my first will be in 1st grade and my 2nd in Kindergarten I feel less out of place for some reason.

Growing up I always wish I had a young Mom I could trade clothes with and be more close - but it was not that bad.

So now I have an ederly 86 yr old Mom to take care of and two young boys - I am exhausted. Just something to think about.

[Moth]

First and only at age 42. Wife had just turned 40. Love having a kid, but yea, my stamina is not that of a 25 or 35 year old. But I was not married then, so it is what it is.

It changed our lives a great deal, but that is true no matter what the parents' age.

And yes, within 6 weeks of his birth, we realized how naive we were to think we could live in an apartment. Bought a house in the burbs.

The only shocking thing is when various people actually think we are going to have another kid.

[jacq63]

Thanks all of you, its very valuable to read of your experiences and feelings. Hopefully a few others will chime in as well. This is not something I ever thought I'd be considering, and we're certainly being guided by our heads as well as hearts. We live in an apt too Moth, but there is no way I'd stay here. We'll probably move to the country, with trips to New Orleans (so the youngster gets a good music and food grounding).

I'm thankfully a lot physically stronger than my mom was, she had to go under a general anasthetic when I was born, as she wasn't strong enough to push. I was actually yanked out with forceps. Ouch. So, that's also a concern. Keeping fit needs to be more of a priority.
Both my parents are deceased, and the in-laws are interstate, so I also need to think about how that relationship will work, but that's not specific to age.
I think I need another brain. Thanks again guys.

[jacq63]

I forgot to ask, those of you who've had babies later in life, did you have any problems delivering? Just thinking about what happened with my mother as per my previous post, I'd like to avoid that if poss. Thanks.