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Old 07-06-2009, 02:10 PM
 
6 posts, read 10,926 times
Reputation: 17

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Thank you all for the informative and candid advice. I definately involve him as much as possible with the shopping and meal preparation. He has gotten much better. This Summer I have not seen too much anxiety with food, but, it still exists somewhat. He really enjoys cooking, and I want to introduce him to the joy of doing so by experimenting, but, as previously mentioned, he has many limitations. I've tried the "try it once, if you don't like it, you don't have to eat anymore deal" If he does not like the looks, he will not entertain the thought. To Rockinmama: I am not yet married to his dad. His Bio mom and I have a very bad relationship, pretty much no relationship. Anything I suggest through the dad, I have been told, is considered to be overly-neurotic, not valid and none of my business. I am fighting an uphill battle with this situation. I can only try my very best to include him in all food related activities, and try to be calm and understanding. I am very fond of him and do not want to destroy my relationship with him, nor do I want him to feel obligated to defend his mother. He also prepares many of his own meals when he is at home, from what I have heard. I want to assist him because many of his choices can be nutritionally defecit, I want to make sure he is getting the proper nutrition. I agree with you about separate meals. I did that for awhile, before you knew it, I was making three separate meals per nite. I do not have time for that, nor do I have expendable cash to do so. But, I don't want him to go to bed hungry, (which is what my parents used to say to me). Kids today are very strong-headed! To Sevenofnine: I can't very well "move along"? what kind of person would I be to move along, and abandon a wonderful man because his son has issues with food. I admit, sometimes I wonder if that would be the best solution, however, there are many issues that arise when you are involved with a divorced parent. I have taken on a great responsibility. I am single and have no children, I have been a career woman all of my life and have lived a wonderful one at that. My relationship with my fiancee is true and genuine. You have to take the good with the bad. As you know there are ALWAYS a trade offs in life, as well as, relationships. He did not chose for his son to have issues, and I did not chose to fall in love with someone who had marital and custody issues. I am realistic and understand that all is possible. I will do all that I can within reason to contribute to the well being of my life, my fiancees, and his children, they are an extension of him! There is a shortage of great men in this world! Again, I thank all of you, as you are parents, and know far more than I do about raising children. I will continue to love him and be patient. I will always "suggest" to his dad, the possibility of seeking outside help. Any further information is greatly appreciated!
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Old 07-06-2009, 03:13 PM
 
6 posts, read 10,926 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Russiablu View Post
Thank you all for the informative and candid advice. I definately involve him as much as possible with the shopping and meal preparation. He has gotten much better. This Summer I have not seen too much anxiety with food, but, it still exists somewhat. He really enjoys cooking, and I want to introduce him to the joy of doing so by experimenting, but, as previously mentioned, he has many limitations. I've tried the "try it once, if you don't like it, you don't have to eat anymore deal" If he does not like the looks, he will not entertain the thought. To Rockinmama: I am not yet married to his dad. His Bio mom and I have a very bad relationship, pretty much no relationship. Anything I suggest through the dad, I have been told, is considered to be overly-neurotic, not valid and none of my business. I am fighting an uphill battle with this situation. I can only try my very best to include him in all food related activities, and try to be calm and understanding. I am very fond of him and do not want to destroy my relationship with him, nor do I want him to feel obligated to defend his mother. He also prepares many of his own meals when he is at home, from what I have heard. I want to assist him because many of his choices can be nutritionally defecit, I want to make sure he is getting the proper nutrition. I agree with you about separate meals. I did that for awhile, before you knew it, I was making three separate meals per nite. I do not have time for that, nor do I have expendable cash to do so. But, I don't want him to go to bed hungry, (which is what my parents used to say to me). Kids today are very strong-headed! To Sevenofnine: I can't very well "move along"? what kind of person would I be to move along, and abandon a wonderful man because his son has issues with food. I admit, sometimes I wonder if that would be the best solution, however, there are many issues that arise when you are involved with a divorced parent. I have taken on a great responsibility. I am single and have no children, I have been a career woman all of my life and have lived a wonderful one at that. My relationship with my fiancee is true and genuine. You have to take the good with the bad. As you know there are ALWAYS a trade offs in life, as well as, relationships. He did not chose for his son to have issues, and I did not chose to fall in love with someone who had marital and custody issues. I am realistic and understand that all is possible. I will do all that I can within reason to contribute to the well being of my life, my fiancees, and his children, they are an extension of him! There is a shortage of great men in this world! Again, I thank all of you, as you are parents, and know far more than I do about raising children. I will continue to love him and be patient. I will always "suggest" to his dad, the possibility of seeking outside help. Any further information is greatly appreciated!
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Old 07-06-2009, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,935,252 times
Reputation: 3947
There are some great cook books out there - specifically designed for teens. If he enjoys cooking, you are so on the right track with encouraging that! Not to mention, it's a great activity to do together. Teens many times will open up when you are doing something with them that doesn't involve a lot of eye contact. It may be a way in to understanding him and him trusting you.

My son is 15 and has never been a big eater. Used to bother me, but I learned to not make it an issue. Over time he's gotten to where he'll try just about anything once. He likes some of the oddest foods - calamari for instance - but hates cheese (except expensive smoked Gouda!). My son also developed a love for cooking a few years ago. He loves doing anything from a Bobby Flay cookbook. I normally hate to cook - but when we decide to do something more creative we'll do it together and I really enjoy it then. I told him that when he's in college the girls will appreciate he can do more than order a pizza....

Hang in there with him. Yes, some of his behaviors sound bizarre and seeing someone might help him a lot. But unfortunately it's out of your hands really. You can only do what you can control, and that's being there for him and supportive.

By the way....believe it or not, kids won't die of hunger! I never made separate meals either. It was always, "this is what we are having" and that's that. I could maybe understand if I had made something really weird, but when it's something that was pretty much kid friendly and he was just being picky, well, let's just say, when they really want to eat they will. But it's also no worth a battle. There should be no fighting over food. Just not worth it.

Having him doing more cooking will give him more control - I hope you have him cooking for all of you when he does. My son also enjoys the science behind the food. Your step son to be may also enjoy that aspect too.

Good luck!
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Old 07-08-2009, 11:07 AM
 
6 posts, read 10,926 times
Reputation: 17
Thank you Jkoop. This is what I need to hear. He actually enjoys Alton Brown, who has beautifully combined science with food. He has a very scientific mind and likes to apply it to hands-on experimentation. We have connected over this activity. I still worry. The gagging and crying has subsided, as he is, almost a year older. But, the fear and anxiety of new foods remains. I will take your advice and not sweat it. I trust, as he matures, he will have to experiment with food, out of necessity! My dad had a very crude saying when we were kids, "If you are hungry.........you will eat S**T" How true! God Bless!
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