Child with possible anxiety/eating issue (picky eater, divorce, parents, boy)

[Russiablu]

I am concerned that my fiancee's son may have some type of eating disorder and I am not sure how to help him. Almost always, when it comes to eating, talking about dinner plans, viewing certain foods, there is a lot of emotion and many times physical symptoms that afflict him.

He complains quite often about stomach pains and he vomits at least two times per week. I have observed him during certain situations and I notice that his anxiety levels peak, this is when he complains of nausea. For example, he will open the refrigerator, see a chicken marinating, and say I not going to eat tonight, I'm not very hungry. Immdiately the panic starts.

He is thirteen, and on a few occasions will have "anxiety attacks", followed by gagging, and crying at the dinner table and other disturbing behavior. He is what some people would call a "picky eater" and only eats certain things, prepared certain ways. He will request foods at the market, but, when it comes time for preparation, he inspects the food, finds things wrong with it and then finds an excuse not to eat it. Wherever we go, eating is always an issue, whether it be out to dinner, homes of relatives, friends. I think alot of the pressure comes from his permanent home. I have heard that at home his mother will yell at him and demand that he eats at dinner time. From what I understand he is sent to his room when he does not eat his food. When he does eat, he shovels food into his mouth and usually leaves a trail of leftovers all over his face, sometimes in his hair, all over the table, and usually underneath the table as well, as if he were a three year old. He is a very bright and well behaved boy. He is very affectionate, but, also very sensitive.

Now, wherever we go, people are always nagging him about eating, perhaps, this may be associated with his negative eating experiences. I really do not think it is just a "picky" eater syndrome, I firmly believe there is an underlying psychological issue here. He is a child of divorce. Apparently while the parents were married the children were living in a very hostile and loud environment. I am at a loss because the mother does not communicate with me. My fiancee is not sure whether this is an issue or not. I am concerned for the child, what should I do? Should I mind my own business?

[rockinmomma]

There may be an array of issues here. I do believe there may be something going on that your fiance's son will need help sorting out.

It may even be about contol. The boy has little control over anything in his life.... divorce,,,, where he is on what day..... his parents...... all of this change has him reeling. It is disturbing to hear of his descripion of mealtime at his mother's. How is he socially?

My suggestion is to find a counsleor and have him evaluated. He needs to learn to deal with his anxieties before he discovers that narcotics will dull his perception of the worries and can curb hunger.

[Russiablu]

Thanks for the info. It is true, he is in no control whatsoever of his life, but, what thirteen year old is? Dinner time can be very upsetting, and In the past, I was urging him to try things which I probably should not have done. I do not want the boy to starve, but,he needs to overcome certain fears and anxieties about eating. I really do not think that anyone else in the family sees this as a problem. Recommending counseling might be over stepping my boundaries. Very true, someday, this could blossom into something more serious. Thank you again for your input.

[Jane72]

I am concerned that my fiancee's son may have some type of eating disorder and I am not sure how to help him. Almost always, when it comes to eating, talking about dinner plans, viewing certain foods, there is a lot of emotion and many times physical symptoms that afflict him.

He complains quite often about stomach pains and he vomits at least two times per week. I have observed him during certain situations and I notice that his anxiety levels peak, this is when he complains of nausea. For example, he will open the refrigerator, see a chicken marinating, and say I not going to eat tonight, I'm not very hungry. Immdiately the panic starts.

He is thirteen, and on a few occasions will have "anxiety attacks", followed by gagging, and crying at the dinner table and other disturbing behavior. He is what some people would call a "picky eater" and only eats certain things, prepared certain ways. He will request foods at the market, but, when it comes time for preparation, he inspects the food, finds things wrong with it and then finds an excuse not to eat it. Wherever we go, eating is always an issue, whether it be out to dinner, homes of relatives, friends. I think alot of the pressure comes from his permanent home. I have heard that at home his mother will yell at him and demand that he eats at dinner time. From what I understand he is sent to his room when he does not eat his food. When he does eat, he shovels food into his mouth and usually leaves a trail of leftovers all over his face, sometimes in his hair, all over the table, and usually underneath the table as well, as if he were a three year old. He is a very bright and well behaved boy. He is very affectionate, but, also very sensitive.

Now, wherever we go, people are always nagging him about eating, perhaps, this may be associated with his negative eating experiences. I really do not think it is just a "picky" eater syndrome, I firmly believe there is an underlying psychological issue here. He is a child of divorce. Apparently while the parents were married the children were living in a very hostile and loud environment. I am at a loss because the mother does not communicate with me. My fiancee is not sure whether this is an issue or not. I am concerned for the child, what should I do? Should I mind my own business?

This sounds really disturbing.
Especially the freaking-out "gagging, crying" situation at the dinner table.
That doesn't sound right at all, not for a teenage boy.

I would strongly recommend some sort of professional assessment. A counselor; something.

[rockinmomma]

What is this boy's social life like?

At 13, he should have control over something in his life. I am not saying that he needs to determine visitation or anything like that, but over small stuff.... clothing styles, friends, free time, and food. My son, who is now 15, was adjusting to divorce at 10 and my new marriage at 13. He has always been a choosy eater (his bio father calls rice maggots and spaghetti worms). I have a rule..... You do not have to like everything I make, but you have to try it.... then if you do not like what is being served, you are welcome to make yourself a substitute, but I am not making seperate meals to make everyone happy. My DSS is autistic. He has anxieties over food textures.

You say you do not feel you have the authority to suggest counseling.... aren't you married to his father? You are a parental figure, you have a voice. If this were your child, wouldn't you want someone to speak up when he was acting in such a way?

[seven of nine]

Dear take my advice and just...move along.

[treat]

I wonder if he does this behavior at lunch at school? It sounds really, really concerning... (especially the "crying and gagging" part)... it could be something physical, it could be something mental... here's to hoping his father takes him to get checked out.

[malamute]

Originally Posted by Russiablu

He is thirteen, and on a few occasions will have "anxiety attacks", followed by gagging, and crying at the dinner table and other disturbing behavior. He is what some people would call a "picky eater" and only eats certain things, prepared certain ways. He will request foods at the market, but, when it comes time for preparation, he inspects the food, finds things wrong with it and then finds an excuse not to eat it. Wherever we go, eating is always an issue, whether it be out to dinner, homes of relatives, friends. I think alot of the pressure comes from his permanent home. I have heard that at home his mother will yell at him and demand that he eats at dinner time. From what I understand he is sent to his room when he does not eat his food. When he does eat, he shovels food into his mouth and usually leaves a trail of leftovers all over his face, sometimes in his hair, all over the table, and usually underneath the table as well, as if he were a three year old. He is a very bright and well behaved boy. He is very affectionate, but, also very sensitive.

Now, wherever we go, people are always nagging him about eating, perhaps, this may be associated with his negative eating experiences. I really do not think it is just a "picky" eater syndrome, I firmly believe there is an underlying psychological issue here. He is a child of divorce. Apparently while the parents were married the children were living in a very hostile and loud environment. I am at a loss because the mother does not communicate with me. My fiancee is not sure whether this is an issue or not. I am concerned for the child, what should I do? Should I mind my own business?

That boy has been traumatized -- abused over eating. It's his best way of getting attention too. The dinner table may have been the scenes of the worst parental fights and arguments, and some people think children must be forced into eating either enough or certain foods.

What I think you should do is take the boy aside and ask him what he would like to about meals and eating. When he's in your care, get him pleny of healthy snacks and don't make any issue out of food or meals or eating.

[pinetreelover]

If you are the soon-to-be stepmom of this boy, you have a right to suggest counseling. Hopefully, the dad will take your advice so that your new family can get off to the best start possible.

Your hunches are correct - this isn't typical 13 year old behavior and the boy needs someone to talk to.

[jtur88]

He's old enough to cook simple meals. Even if its just packaged macaroni and cheese. Teach him enough basic cooking skills, and leave him to prepare some meals.