U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-09-2009, 09:04 PM
 
3,555 posts, read 4,745,358 times
Reputation: 2223
Default My kid is one of those "boomerang" kids

I had heard the expression before, but now I'm living the nightmare. We expected it would cost a lot to raise him, food, clothes, Little League, all that stuff. And education, don't even ask about that kind of money. He wanted to be a veteranarian and that is not cheap.

I realize that a lot of you have had kid/money problems. Sometimes the kid can't find, or hold a job and move back in with you. Sometimes they're dopers and you pay and pay for lawyers, rehab and all the other associated stuff.

Our kid never had any of that kind of stuff so we were lucky in that. But, and here's the problem, we're getting up there, we should be enjoying our "golden years", not spending money on him. And he's no kid, good gosh he's 51 and we're still bailing him out!

I feel like maybe I should have written "Dear Abby" or called "Dr. Laura", but they probably would have chastised us for "enabling" our boy. I'm kind of at my wit's end and I need to ask the rest of you parents out there;

Are any of the rest of you paying off your grown son's misstress?

Help.

golfgod
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-09-2009, 09:10 PM
 
Location: um....guess
10,483 posts, read 9,357,864 times
Reputation: 1791
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgod View Post
I had heard the expression before, but now I'm living the nightmare. We expected it would cost a lot to raise him, food, clothes, Little League, all that stuff. And education, don't even ask about that kind of money. He wanted to be a veteranarian and that is not cheap.

I realize that a lot of you have had kid/money problems. Sometimes the kid can't find, or hold a job and move back in with you. Sometimes they're dopers and you pay and pay for lawyers, rehab and all the other associated stuff.

Our kid never had any of that kind of stuff so we were lucky in that. But, and here's the problem, we're getting up there, we should be enjoying our "golden years", not spending money on him. And he's no kid, good gosh he's 51 and we're still bailing him out!

I feel like maybe I should have written "Dear Abby" or called "Dr. Laura", but they probably would have chastised us for "enabling" our boy. I'm kind of at my wit's end and I need to ask the rest of you parents out there;

Are any of the rest of you paying off your grown son's misstress?

Help.

golfgod
I have the opposite problem, my parents still help me out & I'm 38. I'm not proud of it for sure & I feel guilty as hell. But they live a good life & I guess if they really were hurting or truly didn't want to do it, they wouldn't. Let it be known people, I HATE HAVING TO ASK FOR MONEY AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2009, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
2,091 posts, read 1,916,670 times
Reputation: 2357
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgod View Post
I had heard the expression before, but now I'm living the nightmare. We expected it would cost a lot to raise him, food, clothes, Little League, all that stuff. And education, don't even ask about that kind of money. He wanted to be a veteranarian and that is not cheap.

I realize that a lot of you have had kid/money problems. Sometimes the kid can't find, or hold a job and move back in with you. Sometimes they're dopers and you pay and pay for lawyers, rehab and all the other associated stuff.

Our kid never had any of that kind of stuff so we were lucky in that. But, and here's the problem, we're getting up there, we should be enjoying our "golden years", not spending money on him. And he's no kid, good gosh he's 51 and we're still bailing him out!

I feel like maybe I should have written "Dear Abby" or called "Dr. Laura", but they probably would have chastised us for "enabling" our boy. I'm kind of at my wit's end and I need to ask the rest of you parents out there;

Are any of the rest of you paying off your grown son's misstress?

Help.

golfgod
I guess I am not sure what you mean exactly? What's his story? Does he have a job? Why are you financially still paying for anything for a 51 year old GROWN man?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2009, 09:14 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
2,091 posts, read 1,916,670 times
Reputation: 2357
Quote:
Originally Posted by karfar View Post
I have the opposite problem, my parents still help me out & I'm 38. I'm not proud of it for sure & I feel guilty as hell. But they live a good life & I guess if they really were hurting or truly didn't want to do it, they wouldn't. Let it be known people, I HATE HAVING TO ASK FOR MONEY AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE.

We all hit rough patches, but the fact that you don't like to ask for help shows your character! You will be back on your feet soon and I am sure your parents know they can count on you whenever they need your help!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2009, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Denver area
16,922 posts, read 11,707,696 times
Reputation: 18880
Looks like you're not alone....

Ensign: My parents gave mistress money - Capitol Hill- msnbc.com
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2009, 08:27 AM
 
1,415 posts, read 2,107,981 times
Reputation: 1910
my ex husband is one who goes back and has his family take care of him. We've been divorced for over five years. He is 56 now. His momma and his sister take care of his bills since he hasn't worked in 4 years. It think it is stupid to baby a grown man. Help.... that is one thing. We all need help every now and again.... but to take on the task of being the sole income for a grown person with marketable skill who just can't seen to get it together. Sometimes parents should say... you know what.... you're grown.... get out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2009, 10:37 AM
 
2,893 posts, read 3,434,161 times
Reputation: 1919
Wow, 51, living at home, mooching off your parents.

Hate to say, but anyone who trots out the "enabling" horse is probably right. Only now it's gone on so long you it may be too late to tell him, "Hey, if the Mexican down the street can mow lawns for twenty bucks, so can you," because of his age. On the other hand, maybe that's exactly what he needs to get motivated.

He needs to get a job, make a place, get out. Something. But as long as you "enable" him to live without one, he will. Give him a warning, cut him off, and stick to it. This is *your* life he is so selfishly disrupting. It's okay to take it back.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2009, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Derby, KS
3,832 posts, read 7,733,522 times
Reputation: 1556
Say he needs a little help with bills or is having some other general financial issues. I mean...if it was pretty isolated I guess I wouldn't see a huge problem with giving him a leg up if you were able to and it wouldn't greatly affect your own financial comfort.

But....

Sounds like you've been doing this since birth.

Because you've always been there in this sense you've worn yourself a pretty good path for him to keep following.

He asks for money because you've always given it to him before....why would you stop? Right?

Gotta tell you though....would have flat turned him down when he asked for hush money for the mistress.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2009, 04:21 PM
 
24,602 posts, read 25,711,481 times
Reputation: 32786
Cut him off. Period. Invite him over for dinners and the holidays, but the money spigot has been running for about 30 years longer than it really should have.

Somehow or another, after I graduated from college, I never asked my parents for another dime, even though it was really tough at times. Sounds like your son never had that discipline taught to him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2009, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
1,806 posts, read 3,638,390 times
Reputation: 818
Just...stop. No more. That's it, we're done, time to grow up.

Before the excuse of "Can't do that, not that simple" begins...understand that YES, you can and it is that simple.
"Son, I love you but it's time to get a life."

Good luck. I really mean that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:18 PM.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top