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Old 07-14-2009, 04:26 PM
 
29 posts, read 97,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
No....a baby does not know what's best. A baby knows it is uncomfortable but has no power to change the situation so it cries out for help. Teens can certainly cry or mope or pout simply because they don't agree with the situation. Not necessarily because something is wrong. My DS (as well as most teens I know) would grumble all day because he doesn't have a car and if you asked him then yes, having a car would be the best thing for him (and probably solve every problem under the sun). Does that mean that in fact IS the BEST thing for him. No - it means that he is uncomfortable and has little power to change that at the moment, so he cries out......There are different ways of "crying out".....and honestly, some people (kids and adults alike) are simply lazy. This most certainly is not the best way to get through life....for anyone. If a parent has the chance to try to change this undesirable character trait, then of course, it is the parents responsibility to try to do that.
ETA - or, if this behavior is uncharacteristic, then that might be a cry for help or a signal that something is wrong (depression, substance abuse come to mind). It is important to notice significant behavior changes in teens.
If you don't have an absolutely stupid kid it will understand that a car is too expensive, if you're talking to him.
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Old 07-14-2009, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,343,998 times
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But "it" (?) still wants it - and believes it to be in his best interest....and it's not always a matter of money. It was only an example. Babies, children and even immature adults sometimes have a difficult time separating needs from wants. That is part of our job as parents - instilling the understanding of the difference as well as how to get from point A to point B - ie if you want a car or spending money - it needs to be earned. Now, this summer it has been difficult but a teen who won't even expend the energy to try is another thing all together.
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Old 07-15-2009, 07:06 PM
 
29 posts, read 97,335 times
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well.........
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:26 PM
 
29 posts, read 97,335 times
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The English speakers never say "it" regarding kids, do they? Is it always a he/she ?
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,214,878 times
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Well, this sounds about par for a typical teen-age boy. If he is doing a list of chores for you satisfactorily and you say he doesn't have internet access while you are gone (Unsupervised internet access IS a potential problem in my eyes) and he is generally a good kid, I wouldn't be OVERLY concerned. Granted, I also don't think a lot of idle time for a teen-ager is ideal, ...but I would continue to try to motivate him to find a job, but it may indeed be tough in this economy.
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 13,228,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilani Vasquez View Post
Now that school is out, I've always had my kids involved in summer activities.

My 15 YO daughter is in a teen camp. My son, on the other hand, has been extremely lazy. I'm not too keen on him spending all that time alone at home while I'm at work. My thing is to get out and do something - a sport - something. Every time i speak to him about it, he tells me I'm "harassing" him. I get home shortly before 6:00 in the evening. Almost every day I come home to him lounging around watching tv doing nothing. The more I talk to him, the more he shuts down. This has been driving me insane.

Is there a better way to handle this? I've driven him places to get applications, and encouraged him to fill them out online. It just seems like he wont.
Sounds like a lot of kids I used to know. I never really had that problem in the summers because I had to work for my Dad. I was sweat shop labor...really. Also had basketball camps in the summer...which meant that I had to stay in shape by working out after work. The money I had in my pocket on the weekends was made from the work that I put in working for my dad.

Whereas a lot of my friends got money for doing jack s--t. They usually were way over privilaged and didn't appriciate the things they had. Cell phones, game consoles, cars, went out to eat at nice places. One day a friend of mine asked me why I worked so hard every summer and didn't hang out with him. I responded, "It makes me feel good to work for the things that I have."
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Old 07-18-2009, 11:45 AM
 
Location: US
3,090 posts, read 3,951,889 times
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Our son is 14 and I know that it's hard to find what will motivate kids, if anything. We learned that if we introduce different things to him, he will connect with something. For example, our son's school had a program called "Money Made Easy." It was more life changing for us than for him because we really saw him connect. He admired the creator of the program, a man from California, who spoke at his school, and showed us the DVDs for children and adults which were given to him by his school. It taught him saving and investing, and he decided he wants to be a millionaire. He wanted ways to earn money. He was 12 at the time, so we set up a plan: Some chores around the house he just does because he is a member of a family--unloading the dishwasher, cleaning his room, folding towels, taking out the garbage. But for us to put $50 a month into an Edward Jones savings and investing account, he had to earn half the money, which he would do with other chores he could do at the time.

Now he mows the grass and other chores. We have his savings accounts on line so he can watch them grow. He has a separate savings account to buy a car, and he's picked out the car he wants (of course it's a 5 speed red mustang). We had him set up a "vision board" to cut out pictures of things he wants and put them on the board so he can see what he's working for.

Our son has auditory processing disorder, so friendships and language come difficult for him. He has balance issues and a lot of fears. He's had me worried sick for a long time because he is subjected to bullying. These are going by the wayside as he gains confidence in himself. It has also helped that he has grown taller than me. His dream job when he turns 15 or 16 is to work at Game Stop. Just FYI, our pediatrician told us when our son was 11 that he may have to be put on growth hormone injections because he was just so small. Our 16 yo daughter is visually impaired and autistic, and had to be on them. My hubby's aunt said, "nonsense. Put that boy on goat's milk." We did. The pediatrician asked us jokingly last year what we did to make him grow, and we told her. We seriously cannot medically contribute his growth to goat's milk.

One of the local middle schools has a book assigned for summer reading--"7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens." It's written by Steven Covey's son. We are going through that this summer with him--not at any rapid speed, but we're going through it.

My hubby is a gear head and was hoping our son would join him in that interest. It hasn't happened yet because he's just not interested in that, but we are encouraging him in the things he is interested in. He will have to learn to work on his own car when he does get one.

Hope that helps some. I really like the idea of letting your son paint his room, and I'd let him paint it any color he wants.
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Old 07-18-2009, 11:58 AM
 
2,546 posts, read 6,855,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilani Vasquez View Post
I completely agree with you on this one, and have made it perfectly clear about not giving him any spending money. I've even taken the cable modem to work with me so that he won't have those extra perks of being home all day (internet/phone, etc.). He just seems so unmotivated.
Maybe he's depressed.
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Old 07-18-2009, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Monroe, Louisiana
806 posts, read 2,950,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drjones96 View Post
I responded, "It makes me feel good to work for the things that I have."
I too had a tough childhood but I sure as heck wish I didn't have to work for where I'm at now! I'll never understand this.
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