Anyone with a teenage genius who does not relate to the other kids?
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There is no single right answer, because every kid is a unique composite of characteristics. But there are, unfortunately, a lot of wrong answers. Trying to fit the square peg into a rouind hole will certainly be unproductive.
Watch for opportunities to hook him up with an adult mentor who will let him tag along on intellectual things. Even if he seems kind of weird to you. When I was that age, I met an uncle of a schoolmate of mine, who used to take me along to get-togethers of his interest groups, which were goofy things like flying saucers and ESP. Maybe he could become interested in something like birdwatching. I know the local birdwatching club would love to have somebody along on their field trips who has 14-year-old eyes and ears. If he is interested in baseball, get him a book by Bill James, packed full of in depth and arcane data about baseball statistics and strategy. That aspect of baseball makes the game highly attractive to anti-social intellectuals.
A relative of mine is 14 years old and is a certified genius. He is just amazing and so well read and intellectual. He is definitely not one of the boys when he throws out all those ideas and intellectual analysis. His IQ is almost 160 which makes him one in a thousand. But his social skills is more like a college professor or math wiz. He does alot better with adults who are also intellectual like him. He talks like he is an adult, not a 14 year old. He gets beat up by the other kids because he comes on so intellectually confident.
Should my sister give up trying to link him up with the other kids his age and just hope that once he gets older he will find a peer group? Or should she still force him into groups with kids his own age, who ignore him and him them. So far no matter how hard they have tried they can not find any kids his own age that have anything to do with him. He wants to talk politics and economics and the kids want to talk about tennis shoes and baseball. They have tried different interest groups but the kids get one minute of his analysis and they are tired of him.
Reminds me of when I worked on an assembly line job during an period of unemployment and no matter how hard I tried I could not relate to the people I worked with, they were not my intellectual equal and they tired of my conversation choices.
First, just wanted to point out that smart people - even those with very high IQs - do not necessarily lack social skills. He's going to have to learn how to interact with people of all backgrounds and with all interests - that's just real life, so he might as well start practicing that skill now. (and believe me, college professors - which you cite - come with a range of interests, too, and most are perfectly well adjusted and have no problems talking to lots of people, including 14-year-olds.) Not every conversation has to be about lofty topics, but even if he does only want to talk about politics or economics there are still plenty of fellow young people out there who do like to discuss those things. Assuming that this is a real scenario, then he should keep trying out different activities. Does he like any sports? He can connect with others through a potential love of that, whether it's baseball, judo, or figure skating. How about art? Music? Gardening? Even if these activities don't help me make good friends most people could still use a non-intellectual (although some of these pursuits can be very intellectual) outlet or interest. Like others have said, they don't all have to be age-related. Still, though, there are many highly motivated, smart, curious young people out there, too, and eventually he'll find them. Even if your statistic is right, and he is "one out of a thousand," well, that's not one out of a million.
I kinda feel sorry for the kid. When I was in grade school, the teachers asked my mother to send in toys or whatever so I'd have something to do in the classroom while the other students finished their assignments or tests. I was always done first...it all seemed so easy to me.
I brought a girlfriend over after school and showed her my planetarium and telescope. She didn't see very interested...!
In the 8th grade I had my first IQ test (never heard of them before that). It came back at 130.
I spent my whole childhood acting "dumbed down" or "duller" just to appear average and get along with others my age. People tend to really dislike anyone "smarter" or more intelligent than them. I learned that early-on, and I could feel the vibes of resentment.
I've been doing the same most of my adult life. I've had to mask my intelligence just to get along with others socially. At 14 and 15 I was doing astronomy, had a microscope, made amateur 8mm films, built rockets and tested rocket motors, and read constantly far beyond my age. But I was also going through puberty like any teen, and trying to deal with that. A higher IQ is a burden to carry. I was sorta like Malcolm in "Malcolm in the Middle," only I was the first-born. My younger brother was "average," a sweet, regular kid into sports and etc. "Normal" stuff.
If I could be reborn, I think I wish I could be just "average."
Last edited by nmweatherman; 07-11-2009 at 11:00 AM..
Reason: Context
My older son was (is) very, very bright and shared some of the aforementioned social problems, especially during the final year of middle school, which is not the happiest time for any kid. He was by no means an outcast, and was lucky enough to have a couple of close friends. These other guys were not super-intelligent, but they were friendly and fun, and the boys were able to find common ground.
As Uptown Urbanist says, part of growing up is learning how to interact with others, and not every conversation has to revolve around astronomy or politics or Beethoven's concertos.
If the 14 year old kid is a genuis, isn't he in a school for the gifted?
Perhaps he can take seek challenging extracurricular classes?
Surely he can find some like-minded (forgive the pun) friends, or just develop friendships with more average kids.
Originally Posted by maciesmom Man you have a lot of "relatives" with issues.....Is this the same sister who wanted to give up her kids or the ungrateful Smithsonian kids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
I gotta spread the love, but thanks for the chuckle
I kinda feel sorry for the kid. When I was in grade school, the teachers asked my mother to send in toys or whatever so I'd have something to do in the classroom while the other students finished their assignments or tests. I was always done first...it all seemed so easy to me.
I brought a girlfriend over after school and showed her my planetarium and telescope. She didn't see very interested...!
In the 8th grade I had my first IQ test (never heard of them before that). It came back at 130.
I spent my whole childhood acting "dumbed down" or "duller" just to appear average and get along with others my age. People tend to really dislike anyone "smarter" or more intelligent than them. I learned that early-on, and I could feel the vibes of resentment.
I've been doing the same most of my adult life. I've had to mask my intelligence just to get along with others socially. At 14 and 15 I was doing astronomy, had a microscope, made amateur 8mm films, built rockets and tested rocket motors, and read constantly far beyond my age. But I was also going through puberty like any teen, and trying to deal with that. A higher IQ is a burden to carry. I was sorta like Malcolm in "Malcolm in the Middle," only I was the first-born. My younger brother was "average," a sweet, regular kid into sports and etc. "Normal" stuff.
If I could be reborn, I think I wish I could be just "average."
What you just posted hits home with me.
My IQ has consistently tested out at 135-----------minimum. Couple being 'smart' but being a dumbass concerning social skills; that was a recipe for disaster. About the one thing that saved me from further harrassment was growing to 6' 4" in height. Size tend to intimidate most bullies.
It is very normal for your son to not be able to relate to children his own age and drawn more to adults. Don't force the issue, it won't be long before he is an adult himself. Many geniuses have socialization problems, it is just part of the package I think.
It's tough when you don't have the same interests as the kids in your milieu.
If you don't quite follow the norm, other kids might pick at your vulnerabilities.
They might feel vaguely threatened but not know why.
My son got in a few fights back then. We met with the other parents; we all tried to smooth things over.
It just takes time.
Later when my kid was much older, I marveled at how the kids who used to snub or tease my son were so friendly with him.
"They grew up," he replied matter-of-factly.
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