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Old 07-15-2009, 09:38 AM
 
7,380 posts, read 15,631,179 times
Reputation: 4975

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
I agree to let him be who he is and not try to change him. He needs your support. But I also think you could both probably benefit from some kind of therapy or support group in dealing with this unusual situation.

I recently heard a radio story about 2 kids like this. You might find it interesting or helpful. This American Life
Act Two. Tom Girls.
Lilly and Thomasina have a lot in common. They’re both 8 years old. And they were both born boys, although it became clear pretty early on that they'd prefer to be girls. There aren’t all that many kids in the world like them, but recently, at a conference in Seattle on transgender parenting, they met. And they immediately hit it off. They could talk about things with each other that they'd never been able to share with other friends back home. And that’s comforting, even if they never see each other after the conference ends. Producer Mary Beth Kirchner tells the story, with production help from Rebecca Weiker. (17 minutes)
i would definitely recommend listening to that radio story. i believe it's the 2nd segment in the program.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:57 PM
 
Location: On the pike
7 posts, read 4,920 times
Reputation: 12
Telling a child of 5 that he needs to see a therapist is telling him something is wrong with him. Which would do more damage.

I would NEVER encourage his overly feminine behavior. That tells him he is more of a girl than a boy. Teach him chess, checkers and other more intellectual games and read to him a lot about kids in general. Not just girls and not just boys. If you stay neutral and disregard any overly feminine behavior, continously expecting him to look at himself as a boy would be my suggestion.

Whoever it was who said to not do anything and wait until he is in his upper teens was right on the mark. There are millions of kids past and present who for a time, wished they were of the opposite sex and they grow out of it.
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Old 07-17-2009, 04:02 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,657,383 times
Reputation: 24848
That is such baloney that a child will think there is something wrong with them if they go to therapy. The only reason a child would think there is something wrong with them is if you told them that is the reason they are going to therapy!
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Old 07-17-2009, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,579 posts, read 86,648,499 times
Reputation: 36642
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
That is such baloney that a child will think there is something wrong with them if they go to therapy. The only reason a child would think there is something wrong with them is if you told them that is the reason they are going to therapy!
Better to lie?
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Old 07-17-2009, 04:19 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,657,383 times
Reputation: 24848
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
Better to lie?
There is nothing wrong with the child that's the point! The child was born who he is, period. A therapist is there to help the child through such difficult times.
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:48 PM
 
2 posts, read 3,156 times
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Default I am in the same boat with my son.

I just wish I could talk to someone that is going through the same thing. I keep trying to find ways to deal with this issue but it is soooo hard to know what is right and what is wrong. My son wants to pretend he is a girl all of the time. My son is almost 5 he has been doing this for over a year now and it has been a long phase if it is a phase. I hope I can talk to another mom that is going through this as well.
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:56 PM
 
4,502 posts, read 13,436,651 times
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There is NOTHING wrong with your son at all!

I've seen many documentaries on this subject and many of the parents allow the child to live as the sex they feel they are. They speak to the school officials and let them know the situation and ask that the child be called by whatever name (Robert would be Roberta). It all worked out for the kids except that they were, physically, still the sex they were born and would have to wait until maturity to get a sex change.

I've also known many transgendered people and it was usually their families that screwed them up by not accepting them for who they are.

Please, just let your son be who he is. If he truly feels he is a girl (and from what you've posted, it seems he does), you may want to consider getting in touch with organizations like PFLAG or Transgender support groups that can give you information and referrals to counselors, etc.
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:57 PM
 
4,502 posts, read 13,436,651 times
Reputation: 4098
Quote:
Originally Posted by cederoth View Post
I just wish I could talk to someone that is going through the same thing. I keep trying to find ways to deal with this issue but it is soooo hard to know what is right and what is wrong. My son wants to pretend he is a girl all of the time. My son is almost 5 he has been doing this for over a year now and it has been a long phase if it is a phase. I hope I can talk to another mom that is going through this as well.

It's NOT a "phase".... as I said in my previous post, get in touch w/PFLAG and google for Transgender Support Groups in your area. You will be welcomed and be able to get the help you need.
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Old 11-21-2009, 09:12 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,699,807 times
Reputation: 30710
I'm a little shocked by your response -- your assuming that cederoth's son is transgender.

There's another thread on this forum about a girl dressing like a boy and nobody once suggested that the girl was transgender.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/paren...l#post11726813

Why is it not a big deal for a girl to dress as a boy but a boy is transgender or gender confused?

Why the double standard?
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Old 11-21-2009, 09:25 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,027,558 times
Reputation: 22693
Quote:
Originally Posted by wilsonmom3 View Post
I am wondering if anyone has had experience with this issue or can offer any insight:

My 5 year old son, who has a twin brother, seems to be suffering from gender confusion. For about 2 years now, he has gravitated towards all things "girl"...loves the color pink, prefers to play with girls at school, tries to wear long shirts and pretends they are dresses, begs for toys from the "girl" aisle at the toy store, pretends to be a fairy during make believe, etc. His twin brother, in contrast, is a typical rough and tumble, loves sports little boy. When he was younger, his father and I tried to look at his behavior as a phase that he might outgrow, but the longer it goes on the more I worry. I have read some books on the subject and one suggested steering him away from all things feminine. We tried that for a while, but the little guy became depressed and ashamed of himself, even though we tried to gently correct him in a positive way toward things more masculine. He even told us one day that, he was willing to be a boy for now, but when he got up to heaven he would ask God to finally make him a girl, which broke my heart. I just want him to be happy, but I don't see how indulging his fantasy is at all going to lead to his eventual happiness. I am wondering if there is any hope for him to change without becoming a miserable, depressed child in the meantime. We do have him in therapy to work out his issues but have not seen that it has helped.
I think the issue is that there is too much black and white here where the definitions of boys and girls is concerned. Boys can be kind and gentle and like pink and they are still boys. Girls can be rough and tumble and they are still girls. There are lots of shades of gray and it does not have to be all one way or the other.

Since your son is of an age where some reasoning does work, you really should try to find examples of men who are more genteel to use as examples of how men can be kinder, gentler, etc., and still be men/boys.

Another possibility exists that he is comparing himself to his brother. Your son is extrapolating that since he is not like his twin brother (i.e. a "rough and tumble boy") that only leaves one other choice - being a girl. He may actually feel that he cannot "measure up" to his brothers male vigor and so rather than try and fail, it is easier (and more in tune with his nature), to be docile, ergo - a "girL".

My advice would be to really get the point across that not all MEN are linebackers and that you can be sensitive, and gentle, and giggly and all that and still be very much a BOY. I do not know much about modern celebrities...sorry....and hopefully you remember Red Skelton who I think was the very epitome of the very sweet, very gentle, very soft spoken man, and yet he was very much a man. There are other examples in the world of art, music, theatre, etc.

Let's face it, you are worried that he is going to turn out gay, aren't you? Well, if he does decide to go that route, there really isn't much you can do about it. Now is a good time to reinforce that not all GENTLE males need not turn out that way. Not saying it like that, of course, since he is only five. But I think a lot of gay men out there might have chosen a different path if their choices did not seem so "black and white" to them. If they were allowed to be men with more feminine characteristics. I think in our past we have all known men that we were sure were gay, but turned out not to be. They were just effeminate men, but men all the same.

I'd steer your boy in that direction if I were you.

20yrsinBranson
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