Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-03-2013, 12:14 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,122 posts, read 3,496,076 times
Reputation: 2200

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by GCharlotte View Post
Without hitting the "Reply" button it's hard to know who you are directing this to but I assume the OP. The child is 9 now.
Yeah, this thread is from 2009.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-03-2013, 07:31 AM
 
1,014 posts, read 1,189,014 times
Reputation: 837
Quote:
Originally Posted by GCharlotte View Post
The information in this thread over the past 24hrs is good but I need to challenge you on definitions. These terms are in flux. There are no standard medically accepted terms in wide use. Right now it seems that "transgender" usually means someone that is dysphoric about their birth sex (genitals) versus gender (the social construct you mention) which is the internal "what am I" that leads to the brain not matching the body.
Someone who is transgender does not necessarily experience dysphoria. Some do, some don't. That's why I said it was an umbrella term as it can be used to describe anyone from transsexuals to cross-dressers & any other gender non-conforming people like tom boys or people who are merely androgynous.

Quote:
For this thread though, it should be considered that the OP posted her question 2.5 years ago. Nothing wrong with opening an old thread but the OP hasn't been on since 2010 or at least hasn't posted since then so they probably won't be replying.
Understood. Thanks for the clarification.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2013, 08:08 AM
 
4,043 posts, read 7,418,235 times
Reputation: 3899
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stratford, Ct. Resident View Post
I'll go against the flow here. When i was a young boy, i wasn't too interested in masculine boy things. When i reached puberty, i guess the testosterone thing kicked in, and i began to carry myself more like a "typical" male. I don't believe that it's a good idea to just embrace/accept this behavior at such a young age. He's 5 years old. He has a good 7 years to go yet before anyone will remotely be able to determine his "status". I'm sure these other posters mean well, but as a male who could have been considered to be "soft" as a young boy, i have to disagree with their idea of embracing the behavior.

I'm not advocating punishing him or withholding your love either. I feel that the best course of action is to lightly encourage him to emulate his brother and father. If he doesn't exhibit any change 10 years from now, then yes, the "decisions" should be left to him. Good luck to you and your family.
100%.

That this society rushes to label children or draw gender-related "conclusions" about them at such an early age, all based on "liking the color pink" or preferring to play "like girls" (whatever this means)...this is mind-boggling.
How about you continue to treat him 100% like a boy, expose him to traditionally boy-ish preoccupations (and by that I don't mean forcing him to behave like a rough cave man) and postpone the drawing of conclusions and the application of labels until he is a young man and he will come to you saying " "Mom, I'm gay, transgendered, *****, or whatever else is out there nowadays - so deal with it".
THEN you can do your motherly "accepting".

Until then, do right by your child and steer away from the traps of self-fulfilling prophecies and simply treat your son like the male Nature made him, without reading so much into "preference for color pink". That's not "nature made" - that's some arbitrary thing decided by society a while ago.

As someone else said, it is crazy to believe that just by "accepting that your son is transgendered at the age of 5" you are going to make his life "easier". OMG.
Life for such people is extremely hard - why are you rushing to place that label on him?

PS: Saw the thread is old, but the mentality is not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2013, 10:46 PM
 
5,150 posts, read 7,734,344 times
Reputation: 1443
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
100%.

That this society rushes to label children or draw gender-related "conclusions" about them at such an early age, all based on "liking the color pink" or preferring to play "like girls" (whatever this means)...this is mind-boggling.
How about you continue to treat him 100% like a boy, expose him to traditionally boy-ish preoccupations (and by that I don't mean forcing him to behave like a rough cave man) and postpone the drawing of conclusions and the application of labels until he is a young man and he will come to you saying " "Mom, I'm gay, transgendered, *****, or whatever else is out there nowadays - so deal with it".
THEN you can do your motherly "accepting".

Until then, do right by your child and steer away from the traps of self-fulfilling prophecies and simply treat your son like the male Nature made him, without reading so much into "preference for color pink". That's not "nature made" - that's some arbitrary thing decided by society a while ago.

As someone else said, it is crazy to believe that just by "accepting that your son is transgendered at the age of 5" you are going to make his life "easier". OMG.
Life for such people is extremely hard - why are you rushing to place that label on him?

PS: Saw the thread is old, but the mentality is not.
Yes, the mentality is not. Such as the research you didn't quote because it doesn't exist. How about you raise twins exactly the same way and one turns out transgender? Then what? You would find someway to blame the parents for some how singling out someone identical to the other in some twisted plan to turn one of them pink.

There is nothing simple about this but unfortunately the best cure is exposure to it just like the republicans that change their opinion when they find out their kid is gay. Transgender is extremely rare and I don't want to wish it on anyone even those like you that insist it is somehow only nurture instead of nature though there is no proof either way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2013, 10:55 PM
 
5,150 posts, read 7,734,344 times
Reputation: 1443
Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
Someone who is transgender does not necessarily experience dysphoria. Some do, some don't. That's why I said it was an umbrella term as it can be used to describe anyone from transsexuals to cross-dressers & any other gender non-conforming people like tom boys or people who are merely androgynous.

Understood. Thanks for the clarification.
Well I take it that the OP's child's confusion would be stressful. The words mean different things to different people and that's fine.

The generally accepted medical term for what I believe the OP was facing is Gender Identity Disorder but even that is in flux and is to be changed in the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

I guess without re-reading the whole thread I'm leaning towards that it isn't a problem unless it's a problem to you. In otherwords, nothing to really worry about unless it is causing distress. The distress may be the problem not the actual condition.

Re-reading your post I think we are really close on the definitions though you might be a tad more liberal if I read what you are saying about roles which to some degree can be labeled today as "gender *****".

But transgender doesn't always mean GID and therefore you are correct that it doesn't always mean dysphoric. But what actions to take to prevent dysphoria especially when puberty is near need to be considered.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2013, 07:59 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,809,602 times
Reputation: 17473
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
100%.

That this society rushes to label children or draw gender-related "conclusions" about them at such an early age, all based on "liking the color pink" or preferring to play "like girls" (whatever this means)...this is mind-boggling.
How about you continue to treat him 100% like a boy, expose him to traditionally boy-ish preoccupations (and by that I don't mean forcing him to behave like a rough cave man) and postpone the drawing of conclusions and the application of labels until he is a young man and he will come to you saying " "Mom, I'm gay, transgendered, *****, or whatever else is out there nowadays - so deal with it".
THEN you can do your motherly "accepting".

Until then, do right by your child and steer away from the traps of self-fulfilling prophecies and simply treat your son like the male Nature made him, without reading so much into "preference for color pink". That's not "nature made" - that's some arbitrary thing decided by society a while ago.

As someone else said, it is crazy to believe that just by "accepting that your son is transgendered at the age of 5" you are going to make his life "easier". OMG.
Life for such people is extremely hard - why are you rushing to place that label on him?

PS: Saw the thread is old, but the mentality is not.
While I think that you cannot draw conclusions, you also cannot simply expose a child to *boy-ish* preoccupations and think that it will change him into a *macho* man if he is not one.

See the studies on children who were born male, but raised female due to genital deformities, for example.

BBC News - Health Check: The boy who was raised a girl

NASSPE: Research > David Reimer: the boy who was raised as a girl

Quote:
On March 14, 1980 -- when "Brenda" was 15 years old -- Ron and Janet Reimer finally told their child the truth: "She" had been a normal boy until a terrible act of medical malpractice had destroyed his penis.

Last edited by springfieldva; 04-05-2013 at 03:43 PM.. Reason: Improper quote.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2013, 09:20 AM
 
5,150 posts, read 7,734,344 times
Reputation: 1443
Closed minds lead to poor Googling skills.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:21 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top