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Old 07-15-2009, 01:44 PM
 
Location: The brown house on the cul de sac
2,080 posts, read 4,826,917 times
Reputation: 9314

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs1885 View Post
My mother told me when I was young that having kids was the only part of life worth living. She made it sound like a fantasy life. Leave it to Beaver.

I nearly filled the farm house, but by the time my oldest (by birth) started school, I realized it was nothing like my mom said it would be. No fantasy life by far.

My kids are older now, 16 to 24 years old. I love them immensely and wouldn't give them up for anything in the world.

BUT............

If I could go back in time and know then what I know now and not know what my kids would be like, I'd never, ever have had children.

However, for me the good times do not outweigh the bad times. It doesn't outweigh the frustration, money, tears, struggles, etc.

Now, I'll be the first to tell you, I'm selfish as hell. I like to sleep in. I like a quiet clean home. I like to be able to hop in the car and go where I want, when I want, for how long I want. The years of diapers and nursing were hell for me. I'm sure my selfish nature had a massive part of that.

Anyway, I guess the point was - do you regret having kids? Or not really regret it - well, maybe yes regret it too - or do you wish you'd done things different? Sooner, later, fewer kids, more kids? As I've gotten older and met more people and been totally honest about my feelings, I've actually met many mothers who feel the same way. And I've met many women who knew from the start they didn't want kids and have never regretted it. I've met some that didn't want kids and now wonder if they made the right decision. In other words I guess, did parenthood - or the lack of it - turn out as you expected and was it a good decision do you think?
Never, ever, not for a second have I regretted having my children. I think the point your mom was trying to get across was that the best things in life aren't things. The best things in life are who you share your life with. For me, it's my family. My kids are a joy in my life.

Life has been hard at times, stressful, frustrating, yes....but that's life.Who ever said it was going to be easy? And 5 kids certainly isn't easy or cheap! My kids are priceless and mean more than any amount of money could. Somehow, we get by.

I don't think anything turns out exactly as anyone plans...but for me, yes parenthood was an excellent decision.

 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:08 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,020,612 times
Reputation: 32725
I don't "regret" having my kids, but I do sometimes feel like I am not cut out to be a parent. I do ok, but I don't just LOVE everything about it. The newborn stage was hard for me too. I appreciate your honesty, but I wonder, feeling as you do, why did you have so many?
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
751 posts, read 2,473,346 times
Reputation: 769
I'm with the OP. If I could change my life, I would not have had kids.

But this is not something that I realized after having kids. I knew from the time I was like 10 that I did not want kids. My family and friends were horrified when I told them I was pregnant, and I gaurantee you some of them expected me to have an abortion. Unlucky for me birth control didn't work for kid number 1, and breastfeeding a 3 month old around the clock and only having sex one time didn't work with kid number 2.

And I do not party or have some great single life I want to be living. I just hate kids! I don't like being around them! And I never did.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:16 PM
 
377 posts, read 1,059,660 times
Reputation: 727
I do not regret having kids. I do regret how young I had them and who I had them with (my ex husband). I got married for the wrong reasons too young and had kids because I was" suppose to" and all our friends were doing it ( before I was ready). I wished I would have waited until I was older and with the man I'm married to now(who I really love) and I would have had them because of my love for him and to have a part of us. I would advise anyone to wait until they are at least at a minimum 25 to get married and have kids and even that is no guarantee that it is the right decision for you.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:17 PM
 
5,747 posts, read 12,010,494 times
Reputation: 4511
Did you ever consider giving your children up for adoption?
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:18 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,768,838 times
Reputation: 11122
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
What a horrible post. Basically saying that the 4 people in front of you, you wouldn't care if they wouldn't have existed.

I'm an older parent and maybe I don't understand how young parents would feel, kids in the way of their life. More power to the older parents, who played all they could, before having kids. Your kids, probably, have experienced your frustration through their lives, and it didn't help them.

I happened to read this post right after watching my most beautiful kids (I can keep looking at them endlessly) and telling them, that I still couldn't believe that I am a parent, and that they are the most beautiful things in the world.

And then this post. Ugh.
You obviously had a lapse of comprehension after reading her post.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:21 PM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,419,189 times
Reputation: 5140
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
You obviously had a lapse of comprehension after reading her post.
Read my follow-up post.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 9,240,993 times
Reputation: 3165
I too have 5 kids and yes it can be trying somedays but there has never been a time when I wished I wasn't a parent. I happen to be of the opinion that I can experience my time of selfishness when they are all grown up and gone from home. That being said I have absolutely no desire to have anymore. My kids ages are 24, 21, 15, 12 and 8 and I love that they can now for the most part take care of themselves. I enjoy my gym time early in the morning with my hubby while they are all still asleep and I enjoy the school year and those 6 hours to do what I want (have to add for the most part I am at school volunteering) but never do I look at them and wonder how my life would be without them.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Chicago's Finest
106 posts, read 266,629 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunil's Dad View Post
I have never, and will never, regret having kids. I do sometimes regret getting married though.......

Ditto, Absolutley love the blessing of my boys but utterly regret being married to their father. But, sometimes you go through hell to get to heaven. I have 2 boys that are through and through rough. Would not trade the for anything in heaven or earth. Honest.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:21 PM
 
4,885 posts, read 7,245,533 times
Reputation: 10187
I love my children. I do not regret having them, but there are some days that they just drive you to the brink of insanity. That being said I think sometimes we can be overwhelmed with how the presence of children affects our life. My children are grown; adults with lives of their own, but some of the steps they take, things they do, choices they make still have a drastic affect for us as their parents.

Do they ever grow up. Even for just a few days it would be nice to be a friend rather than a parent.
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