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Old 07-15-2009, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Mountains of middle TN
5,245 posts, read 16,366,895 times
Reputation: 6130

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Some of the posts make me laugh; to have such anger over a situation that doesn't even involve them - LOL. Wow!!

I felt this way a long time before I said anything. And the funny thing is, several people that had said how much they lived for their children blew a huge sigh of relief and admitted they felt the same way. I guess I wondered if any other people have been exagerating their love of parenting.

To those of you that love being parents - congrats!! I truly wish I could feel the way you do; it must be a wonderful feeling!

 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:44 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,049,204 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs1885 View Post
Some of the posts make me laugh; to have such anger over a situation that doesn't even involve them - LOL. Wow!!

I felt this way a long time before I said anything. And the funny thing is, several people that had said how much they lived for their children blew a huge sigh of relief and admitted they felt the same way. I guess I wondered if any other people have been exagerating their love of parenting.

To those of you that love being parents - congrats!! I truly wish I could feel the way you do; it must be a wonderful feeling!
But, seriously, why did you have so many?
 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Mountains of middle TN
5,245 posts, read 16,366,895 times
Reputation: 6130
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
But, seriously, why did you have so many?
I believed my mother. I truly believed the more the merrier. That if I wasn't happy I needed another baby. Pumped out 4 of them in 5 years. Took me that long to have an open, honest talk with her about it before she told me the truth. What was I going to do then? I love my kids; I never said I didn't. So putting them up for adoption at that point wasn't an option. Then it was lesson learned; don't listen to mom. Make the best of it. And I think I have. I've got a nice family, good kids. And hopefully I've stopped them from making the mistake I did and if they have kids they'll go into it, eyes wide open.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:30 PM
 
Location: California
37,055 posts, read 42,006,001 times
Reputation: 34868
I think "the more the merrier" depended on your life circumstances, which you really can't predict in advance. As it turns out my kids were great, easy-peasy, and very low maintenance. I wish I had a couple more just like them. BUT, if we had suffered a financial downturn, if one or more of the kids had health, emotional or mental problems, or whatever...I may be singing a different tune.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:38 PM
 
2,888 posts, read 6,512,417 times
Reputation: 4653
Haven't kids isn't everything. Having a great job isn't everything. Being a wife isn't everything. Being an active member in your church isn't everything. Going to college isn't the answer to all your prayers.

We are all different and sometimes we aren't our parents. My Mom loved me and gave me a fantastic life. She gave me hope, values, oppertunity - everything I needed and more.

Was I offended in any way that she acknowledged that her life would have been different without me? Heck no.

I love kids - but I don't want my own. Holidays are no fun without them. People stare when you go to Legoland childless. No one will be there to take care of me in my old age. It's not all hearts and flowers without them. But my husband and I have a wonderful life together. As my Mom said, a "different" life. I am sure when I am old and grey - I'll wonder how "different" my life would have been with kids.

Mrs1885 - There is nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts with others, openly without the hush-hush like it's something wrong. And when your kids get older, you should share your thoughts with them. Life should be about informed choices.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:43 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,976,196 times
Reputation: 46662
No. Only twelve-year olds.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 04:37 PM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,207,487 times
Reputation: 1861
Your a-ok in my book, mrs1885.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 04:43 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,049,204 times
Reputation: 32726
The more the merrier, for some I guess. If I had had such a hard time with the baby stage, and wasn't feeling all that happy with one or 2, I sure as heck wouldn't have had 2 or 3 more. In fact, that IS what I did. The first baby was hard, but I knew I wanted him to have a sibling. But I knew after that we were done. I know my limits! a huge family would drive me nuts!
 
Old 07-15-2009, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Formerly TX, UT and CT - Currently NC
484 posts, read 1,579,531 times
Reputation: 376
Absolutely not.
 
Old 07-15-2009, 05:03 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,776,786 times
Reputation: 11123
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs1885 View Post
I believed my mother. I truly believed the more the merrier. That if I wasn't happy I needed another baby. Pumped out 4 of them in 5 years. Took me that long to have an open, honest talk with her about it before she told me the truth. What was I going to do then? I love my kids; I never said I didn't. So putting them up for adoption at that point wasn't an option. Then it was lesson learned; don't listen to mom. Make the best of it. And I think I have. I've got a nice family, good kids. And hopefully I've stopped them from making the mistake I did and if they have kids they'll go into it, eyes wide open.
There's a book called "I'm Okay, You're a Brat", by Susan Jeffers. It's premise is the "conspiracy of silence" that exists about the truth about parenthood. It's about how it's "not nice", "immoral", "abnormal", etc., to tell the truth about the unpleasant parts of parenthood. One just didn't do that. To do that, would mean being vilified by society, whether it's family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. This is what your mom did, and most likely experienced. I have recommended this book to young people before they take the plunge into parenthood. And it's written by a parent, who wishes she had known then what she knew now, so that she would have had a better idea of what she was getting into. She doesn't knock parenthood, just the veiled silenced for the argument for not reproducing. Parenthood, being the biggest decision and job one will ever take on, is something that needs to be looked at from both sides.

OP, I've had this discussion with my mom. Actually, all of us kids had this conversation with my mom, and we finally got her to admit that her life would have been better with fewer kids. At first, she felt guilty actually saying it, but not anymore. We're tougher than to feel "damaged." There's 7 of us, she would have been better off with no more than 3. And for those of you parents who think the OP may have "damaged" her kids for feeling this way, get over it. If you think your kids would be damaged, then your kids lack gumption. It's not to be taken personally, it's simply the truth.
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