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Old 07-17-2009, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,848 posts, read 4,666,948 times
Reputation: 1216

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Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
I see no problems with it. Isn't that part of the purpose of malls? To give teens somewhere to go? (just kidding, but only to a point) It's one thing if you knew that she and her friends were getting into trouble, but most teens, even the young ones, don't. Malls are filled with stores that cater to just that demographic, so I think the concern that retailer don't want young teens hanging around is not true in most cases, or if some places (the stores geared towards adults) don't like it, well, that just comes with the territory of locating in a mall. They know that. I doubt your daughter will be hanging out in Eddie Bauer or Ann Taylor and annoying their customers.

An average 12 year old is old enough to spend a couple of hours alone with a friend at a mall. I actually find it weirder (not creepy weird, just odd weird) that the dad goes along to follow them from store to store. You've got to give them freedom as they grow older, and this is a pretty safe way to introduce a greater level of independence.

I am 28 and the first time I walked around the mall with friends I was 12/13 as were the 2 other girlfriends I was with.

While we were walking around, my mom and aunt were in the mall as well, but not following.

We all made a plan to meet at a certain exit at a certain time.

It was all good and a memorable time, one of the gals was a bridesmaid in my wedding a few years ago.
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Old 07-19-2009, 12:03 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,332,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
What gangs use malls as recruiting area? Any proof to back that claim up? To think that I made it through all these years of life and never once was invited to join a gang...

I agree with maciesmom. The kids who were running up and down the escalators, smoking in the bathroom, and running around swearing were not "good" kids. They might not be the truly "bad" kids either, but well-behaved kids (and teens) do not behave like that. I didn't, my friends didn't, and I wouldn't tolerate it if my children did it. All the more reason to know the friends of your children.

Isn't working at the mall still sort of a rite-of-passage for many? When I was 16 I got a seasonal job at the mall - I took the bus out there on Saturdays and Sundays, put in my hours, and helped pay for the summer camp I wanted to attend. Some of those 12 and 13 year olds will want to be working there soon enough.

I admit that I do have a gender bias. Unless I had a son who was particularly into shopping (which realistically is not as common as it is with girls), I'd be more comfortable with a daughter spending time at the mall with friends than with a boy. Boys often interact with their friends differently than do girls, and in general it's less likely that they'd get the same pleasure out of browsing and shopping that many girls get.

I've never really been much of a mall person myself (rarely visit them, and try to get in and out when I do), but I did go to them sometimes as a teen. I think that communties as a whole need to provide local kids and teens with good alternatives to hanging out at the mall. Some places do a better job of that than others.

And on a less serious note, if your kids never hang out at the mall how are they going to fully appreciate the many cultural references found in so many '80s and '90s movies?
In the 90s, there was a mall in Fort Worth that finally had to pass a rule that no one under the age of 16 could come in the mall if not escorted by a parent because hanging out at the mall had gotten SO out of hand. There was gang involvement of course. It took me a minute but I remember the name, it was called Seminary South.

What if your kid is one of the good ones and gets caught up in something that isn't their fault. My daughter is a good kid, however, there is too much going on at a mall crowded with people she doesn't know. I don't know how people with children that age just DROP them off with no worries about who else is at the mall and what is going to transpire.

and then of course there are these articles which should say it all if you have any common sense as a parent.

http://overlawyered.com/2009/07/mom-...-ones-at-mall/

http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/5692766.html

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=93598&page=1

Even for adults malls can be a dangerous place. In the Fort Worth area at the Hulen Mall adult women were kidnapped and later found dead. Its just not the kind of place I would call a playground for my kid. When I am in a mall parking lot, I always have my gaurd up. You would think of that being wide out in the open but too much happens there. Malls are usually close to an interstate, which is one thing criminals look for, easy escape.

If I were to go with her to the mall, that would be different but I can just hear one of them saying, oh lets walk across to that satelite store, or lets talk to that guy he looks really nice, or whatever the case may be. Kids don't have to be BAD to get in trouble in places like this.

Last edited by Lindsey_Mcfarren; 07-19-2009 at 12:12 AM..
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Old 07-19-2009, 12:36 AM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,629,167 times
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Anywhere can be a dangerous place, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't go out in public.

Two of the stories linked to above are relevant to this discussion; the third refers to a 12 year old left responsible for younger children. That's a different situation. Of the two teenagers who were kidnapped, both were outside the mall (parking lot in both situations, I believe). They were not kidnapped from inside the mall, and that, I think, is a key difference. Most parents dropping off and picking up their kids do so at the entrance to the mall; their kids don't walk in the parking lots (which I think is reasonable). Part of the reason these stories get so much play is because they are unusual. Tragic, certainly, but not the norm.

I would prefer to have my children have better things to do than go to the mall, but even in malls with gang activity (which is often blown out of proportion, and even then the gangs aren't trying to "recruit" random teens going shopping - if this is a problem at your mall then don't go there, but this is also not a problem at most malls) most people, young people included, are perfectly safe.

Crime can happen anywhere. Teach your kids common sense safety precautions, give them the tools they need to learn how to be adults, take your own child and location into context, but realize that your kids are in more danger on the drive to the mall (since I'm assuming that parents afraid of letting their teens go the mall alone are not about to let them get on a bus or train alone...) itself than they are once they get inside the mall doors.
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Old 07-19-2009, 12:51 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,757 posts, read 35,332,947 times
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I just have never understood people who take their kids and just drop them off somewhere that they are not supervised, whether it be the mall or the movie theatre. Sorry but I think kids who are 12 and 13 should be supervised. They are clueless at that age.

As for crime at malls, that is NOT unusual at all. I tend to follow reports of crime because I used to work at a police department and malls are a BIG place for it.

Unfortunately I don't live near a really swanky mall that would not have that problem like The Galleria in Dallas, we have one here in Orlando but its an hour away.
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Old 07-19-2009, 01:00 AM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,629,167 times
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I'm not saying crime isn't unusual, but the major crime like kidnapping and rape is. It will depend on the location, of course, but in general crime (beyond shoplifting and minor petty stuff) isn't a huge problem at many malls. There's some, of course, and there are certain areas of the mall where things tend to happen more than others, but by the early teens a kid should have had the opportunity to learn basic street smarts. They'll need to have those skills anywhere they go.

Mall parking lots, on the other hand, do have a reputation for being hot spots of crime, although the really horrible stuff is still fairly uncommon. Still, I would not want my kids walking around alone in a mall parking lot. Parking lots in general make me uncomfortable.
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Old 07-19-2009, 01:12 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,340,050 times
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I agree with you Uptown regarding parking lots....I always taught my DD when she was learning to drive, to, if possible park close in to the stores and under a streetlight and (obviously) to lock the car doors and look inside (front and back) prior to getting in the car. When you are walking to your car, be aware of goings on around you. That is common sense for a mall or any other parking lot especially at night. That is also why the mall the kids are going to makes all the difference. Our nearest mall is very upscale and we've never had any problems there. We have good friends who are police officers and they would most certainly tell us if allowing our DD at that age (13/15) was a bad idea. We had a local movie theater that had some issues for a time and we did not allow our kids to go on Friday nights for a bit, until things got straightened out. You just have to use your common sense and take your child, their friends, the mall, and your town all in consideration. No one answer is right for all situations.
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:41 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,306,829 times
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I have never seen the point of “hanging out” in the mall. Not when I was a kid either. If I wanted to go shopping, sure, but I always hated my friends not being able to buy anything without someone else’s opinion or me buying something without them commenting. Kids already have enough options for doing nothing with their friends, watching Idol, the mall, standing around in front of someone’s house.
 
Challenge them. Give them things to actually do. Keep them busy. That is how you keep them out of trouble. There are a lot of activities kids can do that are fun that don’t cost a lot of money. Take them hiking, bike riding, roller blading, to the rink, to the lake, camping--even if its just in the back yard, have a small fire outside in the back yard where they can roast marshmallows, take them bowling, to the Y, to play baseball, play board games, take them on a silly day trip somewhere. “Let s like go do nothing at the mall.” Or “Lets like go buy another pair of shoes even though I already like have 20 pairs.“ Nope. Not allowed at any age. "Let's go shopping for our school clothes as a group without our parents lingeing." Now that's a different story than just senselessly hanging around.
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,618 posts, read 86,592,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post

and then of course there are these articles which should say it all if you have any common sense as a parent. . . . Even for adults malls can be a dangerous place. .
Why don't you google /bathtub danger/ so you can also supply us with fearmongering links, to warn those of us with common sense about other perilous places.
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Old 06-06-2011, 04:37 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,671 times
Reputation: 10
as a young man i am,which im 17 now,u have to understand ur child cuz my parents did what ur doing now,which i may say in my own opinion isnt a good thing to do,unless u meet with her friends and their parents which my parents started doin when i was 16.meeting them can help with trusting your child with hanging out with her friends,at her age i had no choice but to sneak out in order to have the fun i was never given at my childhood,i didnt do anything bad becuz i always learnd from those around me,i never smoked even though those around me did and i never drank,i never touched a bottle,i was only with my friends to just hand out,talk about stuff of my intrest and just be a teen,not giving ur child the chance to be in a "teen environment " will not help her when it comes time for her to learn about the real world becuz now days the teens are whos ruling the world and changing many rules that our dealy adults,for instants..the mall,which use to be the parents hang out spots are now the teens hangout spots,those who run the stores in the mall are actually wanting teens to go to their stores becuz the teens now days are the ones who buy the small expansive stuff,and every girl wants to buy a purse or some shirts or a nice pair of shoes which costs alot,teens want to hang out with their friends,i kno i did,and i kno other parents wanted to when they were younger,so dont do what ur parents did and lock ur children up in their house,find ways to trust ur children and they will say to them selfs "hey i need to be alil responsible" the malls have security ther for reason,to protect ur teens and keep the mall safe for the children to hang out at and to have fun while being responsible.so if u wanna keep ur children lockd up and turn them anti social and less active in just about everything else like me..then go ahead,make UR OWN SELFS happy and let ur children grow up without knowing whats out ther in the wolrd.becuz ima make sure im here to make my children happy,and if i cant trust them bein alone then ill take them to the mall and hangout with them and at least give my teen and his/her friends some space so they can talk and hang out and have fun bein teens.
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Old 06-06-2011, 04:45 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,209,219 times
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No, things are not the way they used to be. Go to a movie, go bowling, go play mini-golf, rent a movie, go roller skating, but no "hang at the mall" at age 12. Nope.
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