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Old 07-20-2009, 11:05 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,309,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deerislesmile View Post
I would think instead of jumping to the conclusion that this behavior is defiant and/or disrespectful, someone (THE PARENTS) need to get this kid to a doctor or other mental health professional to A) Identify WHY he is doing it...because I REALLY doubt he's doing it just to **** people off and B) what do to ABOUT it. Some kids with disabilities (Aspergers, autism, other tactile disorders) will use self-stimulation, including masturbation, LONG before they understand that it's a sexual thing, to deal with other stressors in their lives (whatever they may be). Not that i am saying THIS kid has those, but just that there are other possibilities as to WHY he's doing it and someone who knows more about should be consulted. In any case- it's really something the PARENTS need to address, not the child care provider. Rather than continue to get hostile and angry at this child (which, you never know, might be ADDING to the reason he's doing it..), I think it would be better to stop having him in your home and around your children and husband until his parents address the issue and make a plan as to how to help him as well as a plan for consequences, both at his home and yours.
Agreed. We were not hostile or angry toward him. We did not even address the first situation so that I could have time to discuss with DH the appropriate reaction we would have if caught again, especially in front of the other kids. The second time I was direct and firm but never mean and when the other kids wanted to know what I was talking about, I told them that it was none of their business, in nicer terms, and that it was taken care of, we would respect his privacy. Then we observed him trying to be sneaky about it and then he did it again another day. That is when and only when we made a bigger deal about it.

I've been at his house in the morning and know that he gets up before everyone else and watchs cartoons by himself for up to a couple hours. I thought there might be an association with the PJ's and a bad habit. Yet still.....wouldn't someone have talked to him by now? Apparently not by the sister's babying reaction.
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Old 07-20-2009, 11:10 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,309,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
I've always taught my son that doing it in PUBLIC is wrong. The family room is a PUBLIC room. When I notice him doing it, I say the same thing I say to my dh or any other male I catch at it... "Is it still there?"

The hapless few who have thought they would turn the tables and embarass ME by asking, "What?" have quickly found out that I will loudly respond with, "Your penis. I noticed you checking yourself repeatedly. Are you worried it's fallen off?" If they don't want to hear something like that in PUBLIC and MIXED COMPANY, then they should excuse themselves to a more private place to adjust themselves.
I was very tempted but thought public humiliation probably wasn't the route to go since there were more occasions unrelated to playing with himself that he acted really immature for his age...such as grunting for things he wanted. My three year old is made to speak to us for what he wants or gets ignored. The kid would be normal as long as sister wasn't right there to allow it.
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Old 07-20-2009, 11:14 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,309,385 times
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Originally Posted by 1phwalls View Post
I would be keeping my kids away from him for sure. He is old enough to know better, and he obviously does know better becasue he would look around to see who was watching.

When you said this boy kept trying to be alone with your son and that your son wouldn't stay in his room at night, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Something is not right.
It was the 11 year old that did this. Also all the kids went on a walk with the 15 year old and she even said it was weird because he carried him most of the way and took care of him like he was his kid or something.

We x'ed swimming, hiking and the long drive out to the berry field out of our week. Thankfully the weather worked in our favor and was crappy so all the kids were in close eye sight the whole time.
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Old 07-20-2009, 05:32 PM
 
8,777 posts, read 19,791,964 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
It was the 11 year old that did this. Also all the kids went on a walk with the 15 year old and she even said it was weird because he carried him most of the way and took care of him like he was his kid or something.
It sounds like the 7 year old is the victim here. If his 11 year old brother was "nurturing" your 3 year old, it sounds like something is really wrong here. Your looking at the wrong people(the 15 y/o and the 7 y/o), IMHO.
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Old 07-21-2009, 02:02 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,224,556 times
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Just out of curiosity, WHY
Why is it not acceptable for the kid to play with him/her self in private?
Why is it acceptable to masturbate?
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Old 07-21-2009, 01:28 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,309,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
Just out of curiosity, WHY
Why is it not acceptable for the kid to play with him/her self in private?
Why is it acceptable to masturbate?
Huh? I'm confused. I don't care if a boy plays with himself or masturbates in private. Who cares. Doing either in public is wrong. The problem is he had no shame about it.

Sometimes boys can get the action right and it looks like masturbation when it is indeed just the same old playing. I researched this concerned right off the bat. Sometimes they might see an older brother, he does share the same room.

The problem is that no one has ever told him to knock it off, that is unacceptable behavior to do in front of everyone. He was afraid I'd catch him but was not until I did catch him and said something about it, then he watched me to see if I was looking. I've seen other kids who did not know because their parents believed that it was simply the best to just ignore the behavoir and they'll go on until puberty before they actually figure it out on their own. There seems to always have one of these families in every family. "They are just making themselves feel good...leave them alone."

The problem is that if they are not being talked to what is appropriate, chances are they are not getting the talk about bad tough, good touch, which would leave them more vulnerable for abuse. That is my arguement about it.

I did some oline research on how to handle this before I reacted the last time but it only addressed kids 3-4 years old. For older kids, usually it is a sign of abuse, but they have other actions, words, and usually shame. I know the family, I'm the only sitter they've ever had besides grandma. They are very protective. I can't say with 100% certainty that he's never been abused, but it's highly unlikely with the exception of maybe the brother. But I know they treat him like a baby, with the same expectations that I've had of my kids at age 2, seriously. He doesn't have to do anything for himself and never gets reprimanded for anything. It's always..."Oh he's just..." and "That's what kids/boys do."

It is very likely, with the attitude that this is ok to do in plain sight of everyone, that the 11 year old has done this without shame in front of his brother and that is how he learned to "refine" his "technique."

Still, I've gotta have the talk with Mom. I've got to be the one to tell her that...if he gets caught doing this at school...you guys will be in a world of hurt. He's got to be talked to and she may want to have the bad/good touch talk and make sure nothing else is going on.

But I don't think there is need for a lot of time around him, especially our daughter.
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Old 07-21-2009, 04:13 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,672,315 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
Just out of curiosity, WHY
Why is it not acceptable for the kid to play with him/her self in private?
Why is it acceptable to masturbate?
I think you need to re-read the OP's post, this is not what they said.
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