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Old 04-20-2007, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,178 posts, read 13,165,668 times
Reputation: 1256

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When my son was 2 and a half, we moved out of Sacramento to Seattle, for a better education for him - for a better community to grow up in.

I loved Sacramento, everything about it. But it wasn't a gret place to raise my kid. And I knew that.

We know have a lovely house (not able to afford before) - and he's a happy and healthy 6 years old (almost 6)

He has friends at school - and he loves the weather, and there are neighborhood kids to play with, and he's got a great education, and he's in sports...he loves it here.

I've been depressed since we moved here. I hate it here. I hate being cold all the time. I hate being sick all the time. I have yet to find consistant friendships here.

I want to move back to Sac - the place I would adore and find to be "home"

But I would be taking him away from all the great reasons we moved here for. And his education might be worse (I would of course try my hardest to find him the best school possible, but it wil be hard in Sac Midtown)

I want to be back in the warmth - with the tall trees and the large parks. But the Neighborhood I want to live in is a mostly 20 ish area - not a family area. So no neighborhood kids to play with. Not as safe an area for kids.

I don't know what to do. My therapist has put me on anti-depresants (which I hate) and my husband just wants me to be happy.

DO I move my little boy away from what is probably a better upbringing for him? Just so I'm happy?

PS We have no family in WA, they are all in Calif.
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Old 04-20-2007, 01:48 PM
 
Location: LA to Pittsburgh
157 posts, read 751,160 times
Reputation: 46
Hi Citygirl72,

I honestly think that what is best for your son is to have a mom who is not depressed. You need to find a community where you are ALL happy. I'm in California too, so I know that education and housing are both significant challenges here, but it doesn't sound like your new community is working for you. You've been there for several years, so it's not like you haven't tried. Your son will make new friends and will adapt to a smaller house or apartment if that is what you decide to do, and you can make the schools work here if you really put your mind to it (easier said than done, I know). Having family around while you recover might help too. Maybe there is a subburb in Sacramento that would be more family oriented but sunnier and closer to your family?
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Old 04-20-2007, 02:31 PM
 
449 posts, read 1,027,044 times
Reputation: 758
Citygirl-I think you should go back. I also agree with moreforcali in that it would be better for your son not to have a depressed Mom, easier for children to be happy if mom's happy-IMO. Also he's 6-I know he has friends and all but don't do what i did and wait until he's older. When we moved my son was 11 and had just finished 5th grade and was ready to start middle school. I thought that would be a great time since he was changing schools anyway.Wrong. Middle school is such a big transition to begin with-I think it would have been easier for him if he had been with his elementary school friend (he had/has many) We moved from south florida to eastern nc-the two areas are like polar opposites! We have been here only 9 mths and I'm definetly trying to figure out a way to go back-I know the longer we stay the harder it will be to leave-but I think going back will be the best choice. The only unfortunate thing for me is that it is considerably more expensive to live in south florida-BUT-the only positive here is the cheaper cost of living. Good luck to you! Keep us "posted."
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Old 04-20-2007, 07:13 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,022,416 times
Reputation: 936
Oh my gosh. Since when does a six year old get to have any say or input on where they live??? These are the times that we live in. When I was kid nobody would care what a six year old wanted! It's actually silly to stay living somewhere so you don't upset your six your old and make the have to make new friends. He will adjust, believe me. Kids are very resilient, especially at that age.

You are the parent, which means you make the decisions. Your child is so young and so capable of making new friends when you move. Now is actually a good time because he's so young.

Do it...move! Research shows that a child is harmed when a mother is depressed (do a google search, the reports are out there). It will hurt him far more to see you unhappy than to make new friends.

Pack your things and hit the road. Join a mother's group when you get back there and you'll have him new friends in now time!!! Life is short... enjoy it while you can. He will have many years later on to live his life and decide where he wants to live. Right now it's your turn.
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Old 04-21-2007, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Red Sox Nation
660 posts, read 2,417,522 times
Reputation: 428
Wow City Girl, I could have written your post, except for exchanging Sacramento with Orange County, and Seattle with Boston. My kids could have a great life here in MA. Good schools, beautifull home with huge yard and trees, clean air, low crime, good values (although many would disagree there LOL), and Daddy had a great job. But All of my family and old friends are in CA. I miss it too. I have been depressed for so long , and we have been here for almost 7 years. Adding to the dilema is that my husband's job is here in Massachusetts. MA is a nice place, but it's just not for me. I really understand how you feel. I wish I could offer you some great advice, but the general consensus is: Happy mom = Happy kids.
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Old 04-21-2007, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 21,125,101 times
Reputation: 5033
I think 6 is young enough to adjust to a move without too much trouble. Just don't put it off any longer than you have to, and be prepared to do what you have to do to help him make new friends, etc. Being able to see extended family more often is a great thing for growing kids, too.
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Old 04-21-2007, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,432 posts, read 24,199,022 times
Reputation: 24745
You are the adult here! Living in different places is an education in itself. If you are unhappy, move! What would you do if your job forced you to transfer?

I moved all over as a kid. If dad's job moved, we moved. It was never up for debate. It was just a fact of life. And I got to see the world. I am a much better person for it today!
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Old 04-22-2007, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Apple Valley, Minnesota
177 posts, read 732,941 times
Reputation: 117
Hmmm, this is a particularly hard decision because you don't want to end up feeling even more depressed when you find that your son is having a much worse educational experience in CA than WA. Could you afford a private school for him in CA? I know that I am only happy when I feel my kids are getting what they need educationally. We have moved alot and I don't think it is doing my kids any good at all. I am fed up with CA and the education system in general - and we are getting out ASAP!!!! By the way, I can relate to feeling cold all the time - I am from England - the capital of inclement and downright dreadful, changable weather!!!!!
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Old 04-23-2007, 01:17 PM
 
2,775 posts, read 2,577,430 times
Reputation: 2967
Quote:
Originally Posted by CityGirl72 View Post
When my son was 2 and a half, we moved out of Sacramento to Seattle, for a better education for him - for a better community to grow up in.
I loved Sacramento, everything about it. But it wasn't a gret place to raise my kid. And I knew that.
We know have a lovely house (not able to afford before) - and he's a happy and healthy 6 years old (almost 6)
He has friends at school - and he loves the weather, and there are neighborhood kids to play with, and he's got a great education, and he's in sports...he loves it here.
I've been depressed since we moved here. I hate it here. I hate being cold all the time. I hate being sick all the time. I have yet to find consistant friendships here.
I want to move back to Sac - the place I would adore and find to be "home"
But I would be taking him away from all the great reasons we moved here for. And his education might be worse (I would of course try my hardest to find him the best school possible, but it wil be hard in Sac Midtown)
I want to be back in the warmth - with the tall trees and the large parks. But the Neighborhood I want to live in is a mostly 20 ish area - not a family area. So no neighborhood kids to play with. Not as safe an area for kids.
I don't know what to do. My therapist has put me on anti-depresants (which I hate) and my husband just wants me to be happy.
DO I move my little boy away from what is probably a better upbringing for him? Just so I'm happy?
PS We have no family in WA, they are all in Calif.
Two things come to my mind - #1, recently I find myself posting about keeping families put, settling down in an area, not moving in most scenarios. #2, you need to move back to California given all that which you mentioned at the start of this thread. I moved all over growing up - really, moving at age 6 was a piece of cake for me. It wasn't until 8 and then 9 that I made best friends, lost them and then regretted it.

The only item I would really think long and hard about is your depression. Depression is sometimes genetic - if your depression is at all possibly genetic from one or more of your parents, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news to you, but you're in for a lifetime of it no matter what you do. You can be on meds the rest of your life, but really this is a brain chemical disorder which runs in many families.

If after taking an honest look at yourself you don't think you have what I've just described, then definitely move. Otherwise, I would put forth some effort to change your life without moving the family. There's counciling, there's starting up fun hobbies, there's mother's/women's groups you could perhaps look into social networking thru, lastly there's exercising which enhances your brain's natural anti-depression chemical production.

I just thought I would throw this post into this thread because I felt like after reading the first post, it is apparent that when you authored it you were in very negative mood. I've been there, done that myself; sometimes you can discern from your own writing that you need a change. I see it in your writing. Something needs to change, you need an outlet if not also a move. Good luck with your decision. As long as your depression lifts one way or another your son will be fine for sure.
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Old 04-23-2007, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Twin Cities, CA
199 posts, read 1,009,655 times
Reputation: 81
What would it take for you to be happy in Seattle? Friends and not feeling depressed? If you are depressed, then it is difficult to make friends. If this is SAD related, have you tried the full-spectrum light therapy? It would be cheaper than moving and if it really helps, you may be able to find other things you like about where you are and stay.

If you move back, do you have to move back to mid-town? Perhaps you can identify a family oriented neighborhood nearby.

But I think you really need to address the depression first, before making a big move decision. Some drugs, a couple of therapy sessions and light therapy would probably help you a lot right now.
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