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Old 07-20-2009, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,663,577 times
Reputation: 3587

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I ask this because a lady I know has 2 sons- both over 24- one is 30 I think. One of the sons does not want to go to school or work and just lays around the house all the time. The other one is "on again off again" with both a job and his girlfriend who often kicks him out which means he comes and goes. She is frustrated and really said she wants to be rid of them although she loves them but she does not want to impose "tough love" by telling them to scram.
I told her that she should sell her house and move into a 50+ community and then she would be rid of them without hurting their little feelings. I would kick their asses out if it was me.
What do you think is the right age to dump your kids??
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Old 07-20-2009, 11:19 PM
 
Location: NW. MO.
1,817 posts, read 6,835,254 times
Reputation: 1376
At that point she might have to move and leave no forewarding address.
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Old 07-20-2009, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 6,729,921 times
Reputation: 1933
She is not helping them she is enabling them.
It is not and age thing. If one of my kids wanted to live at home while he/she pursued a Phd or while he/she saved for a down payment on a house I would be OK with it. That would assume respect for house rules and help with chores.
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Old 07-21-2009, 06:58 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 22,010,520 times
Reputation: 4772
The mistake she made was not raising them to be independent. Now she has 2 babies in their 20s on her hands.

If they are not 'mentally challenged' in any way, they should be guided to get with the program and grow up.

I have seen this so many times. People sit around complaining about their teens and 20 something kids when they 1) never had any expectations of them in their younger years 2) never taught them to be independent or 3) never had any 'repercussions' from negative behavior.

Now she's got these 2 who expect to hang around and not face the real world? 30 years old and not doing anything??

My son is only a kid and he's got a condition where he's socially and 'maturity' wise behind others his age so I know he will be a late bloomer but still I expect him to function on his own level meaning doing chores, helping out and doing his school work so he can get a job.

As far as the OP's question, I'd never 'dump my kid.' I would try to help him make good choices so he can have a fulfilling life. Right now things are tough and I have been out of work almost a year but I still have expectations and a chore list every day. I suggest your friend do this for her children as well.
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Old 07-21-2009, 07:08 AM
 
2,884 posts, read 5,912,436 times
Reputation: 1991
When your kid is no longer in school, they are ready to be independent. Sink or swim, or go back to school.
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Old 07-21-2009, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,475,625 times
Reputation: 49863
She could get a job as a poster child on why you shouldn't pamper your children.

Some people are so worried about being their child's friend and being "cool" they forget that their job is actually to raise their children to be productive adults.

Now she has leeches. She needs to kick them out NOW.
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Old 07-21-2009, 07:27 AM
 
8,411 posts, read 39,169,300 times
Reputation: 6366
I do not really think it has much to do with age. She needs to just be an adult and tell them like it is. Why move? How about she just changes the locks. It would make more sense.
Are they paying anything to live there? I think you should be splitting the bills if you are an adult living at home for a long term situation no matter if you are working, a student or unemployed.

And oh...the loaf about...make him take a OTC drug test. Pop quiz style.
They both sound like they could use some therapy too, including mom.

Edit: This POV is coming from someone that moved out ASAP @ 18. I have no idea why people pick living at home over not having a soul to answer to at the end of the day.
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Old 07-21-2009, 10:16 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,260 posts, read 47,182,535 times
Reputation: 47168
Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
What do you think is the right age to dump your kids??
I don't think it is ever right to dump your kids....
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Mountains of middle TN
5,245 posts, read 16,356,956 times
Reputation: 6130
I agree with just about everyone else. If you get out of HS and aren't going to college I'm not supporting you. Get a job and earn a living. Want to live at home? Fine. Pay rent and help out with chores while you save up for college or for a place of your own. But you will pull your weight or you'll be gone.

What ever happened to teaching kids responsibility and to grow up? Why is that such a bad thing now?
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Old 07-21-2009, 02:06 PM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,307 posts, read 38,666,280 times
Reputation: 7184
Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
I ask this because a lady I know has 2 sons- both over 24- one is 30 I think. One of the sons does not want to go to school or work and just lays around the house all the time. The other one is "on again off again" with both a job and his girlfriend who often kicks him out which means he comes and goes. She is frustrated and really said she wants to be rid of them although she loves them but she does not want to impose "tough love" by telling them to scram.
I told her that she should sell her house and move into a 50+ community and then she would be rid of them without hurting their little feelings. I would kick their asses out if it was me.
What do you think is the right age to dump your kids??
I can't really imagine being 30, able bodied and living with my parents out of "I don't wanna go to school or work". It is difficult to understand having that little pride and my father would have physically forced me out, thrown my clothes out the window and changed the locks, effectively landing me in one branch or another of the armed forces.

Enabling vs. parenting, me thinks.

Once you've gotten the kid through a completed education you've held up your end of the deal. At that point you cease to be a parent and become a gravy train. A grace period of a few months is understandable and probably not a disservice in the long run, but the kid had better be working in a body shop, waiting tables, standing in a workline at home depot or something while he or she looks for work more befitting a college graduate.
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