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Old 07-27-2009, 12:04 AM
 
5,747 posts, read 12,013,508 times
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I got a rep point boost for my last post (thank you, Panda), so I thought I'd share another dinnertime suggestion. We frequently host my in-laws for dinner, and they have very high expectations for mealtime manners. Needless to say, this leads to some tense moments around the table. This past Father's Day, when I realized that our only set of placemats were in the laundry (oops!), I had a moment of inspiration and pulled out a neglected Christmas gift called Doodles for Dinner and a bin of markers and called everyone to the table for an impromtu drawing competition. Boy, was it a hit all around, even for my prim and proper mother-in-law! They sat happily chatting and laughing while my husband and I finished the last of the dinner preparations. It was probably the best dinner we've ever had with my in-laws.

Last edited by formercalifornian; 07-27-2009 at 12:12 AM.. Reason: grammar
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:04 AM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,205,324 times
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My son and I had taken to eating dinner in front of the tv. We have essentially 1-2 hours during the school year on nights that we are together. So, we cram in as much as we can do in the hour and a half before bedtime. We pop in a movie and eat dinner. Its fun sometimes. This is a truth.

I think we got into this habit because the dinner table represents "family" and since it was just us it took a awhile to make it feel as if we were enough. This is a truth.

But I decided that we had enough of that and so we eat dinner at the table now. He fought it for awhile. Then I had him home from his Dad's awhile ago and made dinner and sat at the table and he looked at me and said, "I almost forgot what this was like."

So, we are breaking new ground here. We are eating at the table and we are accustomed to being enough. So, while my circumstances are a little different your breaking new ground, too. Just the opposite direction. I'm sure that within 3 months they may not even remember what it was like and won't even miss it. In 20 years it will be remembered as the best days they ever had.
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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I love the Doodles for Dinner too.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:24 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,446,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
A couple of decades ago, the University of Nebraska circulated a questionnaire to kids all over the state, with about 100 questions on it, trying to see if there was a correlation between good academic performance and other characteristics of daily life. They found only one area where there was a correlation. Families ate meals together.
As long as it's a positive experience -- I also think a family dinner has a better chance of being nutritious and that food eaten in front of a television is often junk food.

What I think is bad is to make the dinner table any kind of battle ground but there can still be rules. In my family if we didn't like what was at the table then the only option was peanut butter sandwiches which we had to make ourselves because mom apparently was not a short order cook.

Most people including kids love an invitation to a good and happy sit-down meal. If it's consistent and a pleasant time for all -- then not many kids are going to resist for long.
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:09 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,175 posts, read 9,142,900 times
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Eating at the table together has become a lost tradition in too many families and it is a shame.
That was family time. Morning, noon, and evening. Through the week it was morning and evening because Dad was at work and my sister and I were in school.
We always ate our "Supper" together. The TV was turned off and we talked about how the day had went. Of course back then there was more to talk about than how many cell phone calls or text messages we had got.
Dad always tried to give us some kind of info whether it was how to properly start the old lawn mower or how to take care of the pets or deal with the argument you had with a neighbor kid.
He always had a way of making us curious about learning everyday things and life in general.
Mom had a table full of food and goodies that were within reach and we didn't want to leave that to go to another room.
Now Mom is 85 yrs old. I'm 62. Dad died in 1996.
When I go to see her around meal time she always makes me eat although I dont go there to be fed. I don't tell her I am coming over because I don't want her to cook anything extra but she always seems to have enough for two. She asks me if I want to eat in the living room and watch TV.
No Mom. I will eat at the table in the same kitchen that I ate in as a kid with you.
She doesn't set a plate for Dad anymore but no one sits at his place at the table.
Those old memories of us all being together as a family at meal time have never been forgotten.
I applaud the OP for trying to start a tradition that will be much appreciated in the coming years if the family time is a time of happiness and not bad memories.
Stick to it. Make it a happy time.
Teach the kids that family time together is much more rewarding and important than any TV show.
Be firm. You are the parent and make the rules. The kids will learn to look foward to meals together. It might take some time to break old habits.
Our meals were always at the same time everyday and if I missed being at the table when meals were served I didn't eat that evening unless it was a legitmate reason like track practice or some other school related activity. But that was in later years.
When I was 4 or 7 there was no reason to not eat together at the table. My parents made that very clear. I'm glad they did.
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:02 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,493,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HIF View Post
NO! Don't forget it! The kids are 4 and 7. You and your wife are the parents. Just change the rules. Dinner at a table. Period. If they behave, they may see X number of hours of TV. If not, they get no TV. You are the parents. They are the children. If you don't set the rules now, it will only get worse. I think they will end up liking it, as you can talk about their day, focus on them and the family. You will not regret it. And they will be the better for it.

BTW, if the 7 YO refuses to eat, so be it. One or two nights of not eating won't kill him. To win the game, you just have to outlast him. He won't not eat to the point of starvation. Hang tough. Win the game now and the future will be sooooo much easier! And it will be better for the kids.
Great post. I agree with this whole-heartedly. Stick to your guns.

I know the ideal thing would be to try and make it pleasurable for him so he'll want to do it. But he is being extremely disrespectful. You have offered to TiVo it for him and he still won't do as you ask. Tell him you are trying to work with him and he is being defiant as well as creating an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. Don't TiVo anything anymore. He can watch the show at a later time by sitting at the table with you all AND eating his food in a reasonable amount of time or he can miss the show all together. If he keeps it up, start taking away other privileges. If you all have to suffer through this, make sure he gets the worst of it. Whatever you do, don't give in. This is just my advice. Good luck.
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:18 AM
 
841 posts, read 4,829,278 times
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There are a lot of great ideas in this thread!

Whatever you do, try to make dinner time around the table interesting for the kids. Having dinner as a family at the table should be more than just eating.

When I was growing up, we sat around the table as a family every single night. But it was stressful for me. I was the youngest in my family and never taken very seriously. My siblings and parents would shut me up and focus on more adult-type talking. I couldn't wait for dinner to be over. It was not fun at all and I don't look back on those times as endearing, charming, or anything of that nature.

It's not just dinner at the table that's important. It's also the feeling, atmosphere, and general interest in each other that makes it a positive experience that kids will look back on fondly.
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:48 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,477,769 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robhu View Post
Eating at the table together has become a lost tradition in too many families and it is a shame.
That was family time. Morning, noon, and evening. Through the week it was morning and evening because Dad was at work and my sister and I were in school.
We always ate our "Supper" together. The TV was turned off and we talked about how the day had went. Of course back then there was more to talk about than how many cell phone calls or text messages we had got.
Dad always tried to give us some kind of info whether it was how to properly start the old lawn mower or how to take care of the pets or deal with the argument you had with a neighbor kid.
He always had a way of making us curious about learning everyday things and life in general.
Mom had a table full of food and goodies that were within reach and we didn't want to leave that to go to another room.
Now Mom is 85 yrs old. I'm 62. Dad died in 1996.
When I go to see her around meal time she always makes me eat although I dont go there to be fed. I don't tell her I am coming over because I don't want her to cook anything extra but she always seems to have enough for two. She asks me if I want to eat in the living room and watch TV.
No Mom. I will eat at the table in the same kitchen that I ate in as a kid with you.
She doesn't set a plate for Dad anymore but no one sits at his place at the table.
Those old memories of us all being together as a family at meal time have never been forgotten.
I applaud the OP for trying to start a tradition that will be much appreciated in the coming years if the family time is a time of happiness and not bad memories.
Stick to it. Make it a happy time.
Teach the kids that family time together is much more rewarding and important than any TV show.
Be firm. You are the parent and make the rules. The kids will learn to look foward to meals together. It might take some time to break old habits.
Our meals were always at the same time everyday and if I missed being at the table when meals were served I didn't eat that evening unless it was a legitmate reason like track practice or some other school related activity. But that was in later years.
When I was 4 or 7 there was no reason to not eat together at the table. My parents made that very clear. I'm glad they did.

Thanks so much for sharing these memories! I too grew up sitting at the dinner table and am estatic that my son and dil are doing the same!

OP? It's more a battle of wills than the actual dinner. Stick to your guns and it will all pay off in the long run.
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Old 07-27-2009, 09:25 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,812,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jbar View Post
Thanks all. I do wonder though, how to handle the 7-year-old during his no-eating protests. His resolve and stamina is surprising...a few nights ago, he actually sat there until he fell asleep. "Dinner time" had long passed, but he held firm...and I know he really likes what we had for dinner that night. All of this over an episode of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody", which was Tivo'd for his enjoyment after dinner...all he had to do was eat at the table with us first.

It's hard to keep it positive with that going on
Just ignore him. He wants an audience. If you refuse to give him an audience he will eventually stop. He will not starve to death over missing a few dinners.
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:50 AM
 
Location: SE Florida
9,367 posts, read 25,136,261 times
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Some of the ideas posted reminded of what I did when my kids were younger. They took turns setting the table. To make it fun for them, the person whose turn it was to set the table got to also choose a centerpiece. We had some crazy centerpieces, as they became pretty competitive. Flowers from the yard sometimes, displays of Barbie dolls, bowls of marbles.
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