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Old 04-23-2007, 10:20 AM
Location: St. Louis, MO area
11 posts, read 37,639 times
Reputation: 15


When did you really feel bonded with your child??

When my son was born, I didn't feel an instant connection to him. I'm not sure if it was because of the all the disappointments that followed (no success at breastfeeding, lack of support, stress, etc) or if it was just that he was a boy (I desperately wanted a girl). Also, I think going back to work when he was 8 wks old hindered my bonding with him. I missed a lot of his "firsts". I missed his first laugh, his first haircut, his first word, etc. I missed it all. He's 3 now and over time... I've become more connected with him. There are times when I would say that I look at him and instantly fall in love. (that is between the times of wanting to pull my hair out)

Now, he has a sister. She's 4mo old. I've decided to become a stay at home mom. Breastfeeding is still great with her. Everything is so different. I feel more connected to her than I did my son when he was her age. To tell you the truth, I feel a little guilty about it.

Out of curiosity, I am wondering how soon you felt really "connected" or "bonded" to your children. Is this just a "mother/daughter" connection that makes it different?
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:28 AM
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,178 posts, read 13,167,269 times
Reputation: 1256
I did not feel bond with my first child either. I did not cry when he was born and I wasn't pyscho if he was out ofmy sight (at the hospital)

It really took a long long time for me to bond - I think he had to be close to a year old. And I really felt close when he turned 3. He's 5 now and he's my world.

But when he was a baby - he was a job/responsibilty to me
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Old 04-23-2007, 11:30 AM
833 posts, read 4,369,988 times
Reputation: 969
Default bonding with infant

I bonded well with my firstborn. He is now five and we have a very close relationship. I didn't bond so well with my second son. It took me between 5-8 months to feel a connection with him. I, too, desperately wanted a girl. I knew that my second son was the last child we would ever have so maybe I was a little resentful? Not a mature feeling by any means, but my feeling none the less. I love both of my sons, but there is definitely a stronger bond with my firstborn. I don't know why exactly. My second son seems to prefer my husband's attention and my first son really prefers my attention.
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Old 04-23-2007, 08:08 PM
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,839,295 times
Reputation: 1650
With both of my children I didn't feel instant love after delivery...I think I was just too tired. I looked at them and thought, good they are normal, not take them to the nursery. With both I had them room in the second night...and after that I was totally in love. I have two boys, but that's what I wanted so there was no dissapointment in the sex of the baby. I don't know if that makes a difference.
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Old 04-23-2007, 08:43 PM
Location: Austin
2,120 posts, read 5,861,655 times
Reputation: 1389
I felt like a babysitter for the first month. My son just turned a year old and I can now say that I definately feel like we've bonded. When he said "mama" I really felt like saying, "Wow! I AM a mama!"

Congratulations on your decision to stay home! Just as advice, you can beat yourself up over decisions all your life. You're an awesome mom for realizing the gap and deciding to do something about it. I know that three years is a long time, but when I read your post I sighed with relief that he is only three. So many parents don't realize what you did until their kids are grown.
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Old 04-24-2007, 07:07 AM
4,963 posts, read 3,923,610 times
Reputation: 2917
I bonded with my first son immediately ; dh didnt and it took him until he was 15 months old to bond. The reason ; he looked at our first as a job and resented the fact that I had to do everythign for him(logic has no reasoning).

At 15 months I was hospitalized with complications at a 29 week pregnancy. Dh had to do everything for our son and it was a turning point. Then my second son was born and whisked to nicu for 3 weeks. During that 3 weeks I developed pneumonia and was in hospital again for a week. Dh bonded with our second son at that time and even though he is almost 7, he wont let him out of his sight.
Its a bond that comes and snaps you into place
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