Do you pay your teenagers to babysit their sibling? (day care, support, parents)

[VBmom]

This is for those of you, like me, who have older kids and younger ones.

My oldest two are 20 and 17. Then I have the little one who is 8. I have asked my older two to babysit for free for awhile now. Usually it's only for an hour or so and usually only once or twice a week to go to the grocery store or a dinner date with my husband. I have always felt that I pay their bills (cell, car insurance, food, clothing, etc) so I have "paid" them already.

I was talking to an aquaintence yesterday and she couldn't believe that I didn't pay them like a regular babysitter. You know, by the hour. She basically accused me of using them as my slaves! At first, I just ignored her comments, but now it has started me thinking. What does everyone else do in my situation?

[maciesmom]

I think it depends on the situation. If you are still supporting them then I would generally say no - for errands here and there. If, however, you are asking them to change and cancel plans to do this, I would probably offer to pay them at least something.....Also depends on your relationship with your kids. I am guessing if you are still supporting them and trust them to watch your younger one, then the relationship is a good one. They are not just freeloaders.....Like everything else it depends. If what you are doing has been working for you then who cares what your friend thinks?

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by VBmom

This is for those of you, like me, who have older kids and younger ones.

My oldest two are 20 and 17. Then I have the little one who is 8. I have asked my older two to babysit for free for awhile now. Usually it's only for an hour or so and usually only once or twice a week to go to the grocery store or a dinner date with my husband. I have always felt that I pay their bills (cell, car insurance, food, clothing, etc) so I have "paid" them already.

I was talking to an aquaintence yesterday and she couldn't believe that I didn't pay them like a regular babysitter. You know, by the hour. She basically accused me of using them as my slaves! At first, I just ignored her comments, but now it has started me thinking. What does everyone else do in my situation?

If my oldest son (15) babysits for his brother (10) I do not pay him if I am gone for an hour or so to do local errands during the day. But if I ask him to babysit and he gives up the chance to socialize with his friends to babysit for me for an entire evening I pay him. My middle son also babysits sometimes and we follow the same pattern with him.

[hypocore]

I don't know that we've ever paid hourly wages for either of the older two to be in charge of the younger two. We just don't look at it that way. If hubby and I wanted to run somewhere without the younger two, then we asked the older ones if they had any plans and could we leave the younger ones with them. Just as many people do with grandparents or aunts/uncles. If they had plans then we didn't go, went a different time, or just one of us went.

On the rare occasion that we went out as a couple, it was almost always as result from a gift from the older two had given us. The only time that I can think of we considered it babysitting, was when we went overnight for our anniversary one year. We supplied the money for dinner out for them, but that's about it.

If we wanted to plan something and it interfered with the older ones own plans, then we made different plans. We never ever insisted they forsake their own life, so maybe that's the difference.

[VBmom]

I normally don't ever ask them to change their plans for us but I do limit my daughter's social life as she is still in high school. I don't think she needs to be out every night, especially school nights. I normally only ask them when I know they are sitting at home anyway. I just always thought that it was part of being in a family, helping each other out.

As far as my oldest goes, he is in college. He isn't home much anymore and I pay a limited amount of his upkeep these days. He pays his rent, tuition, and food. We pay his cell, car insurance and medical expenses. We help out sometimes with food, but he doesn't ask for much. He just went back to school but when he was home for the summer he offered to babysit his brother a lot when he wasn't working. They are very close eventhough they are 12 years apart in age.

Neither one of the kids have ever complained about watching their brother. I guess that's why I was so shocked at this person's comments. They were very hurtful and made me feel like I was taking advantage of my kids.

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by VBmom

I normally don't ever ask them to change their plans for us but I do limit my daughter's social life as she is still in high school. I don't think she needs to be out every night, especially school nights. I normally only ask them when I know they are sitting at home anyway. I just always thought that it was part of being in a family, helping each other out.

As far as my oldest goes, he is in college. He isn't home much anymore and I pay a limited amount of his upkeep these days. He pays his rent, tuition, and food. We pay his cell, car insurance and medical expenses. We help out sometimes with food, but he doesn't ask for much. He just went back to school but when he was home for the summer he offered to babysit his brother a lot when he wasn't working. They are very close eventhough they are 12 years apart in age.

Neither one of the kids have ever complained about watching their brother. I guess that's why I was so shocked at this person's comments. They were very hurtful and made me feel like I was taking advantage of my kids.

I would ignore this person. There is no reason to change the way your family operates if it works for your family. There is more than one way to run a family. If your kids are happy, you are happy then why worry about anyone else?

[haggardhouseelf]

No, we do not pay our oldest son when he cares for our youngest son. As a family we do things for each other because it's the right thing to do. We always help each other out if we are able.

[skahar]

No we don't pay our 15yr old for watching the younger ones. Usually we are just running to the store or some similar short trip so it's not like she's watching them for a long period of time.

The only way I would consider it, and I'm not sure why really (our parents never paid us), is if it was a regular thing like for a job, but it certainly would be minimal pay not full babysitter wages. I figure I go above and beyond what is necessary in my financial contributions to them that if I need a hand they should be willing to help without seeking wages. Unless... maybe if I was keeping them from finding their own employment by having them babysit for me full time, then I would pay them proper wages.

[rockinmomma]

We pay the oldest to watch the little two while we are at work during the summer. It is nominal, but he is "working". Now for short times like while we're grocery shopping or out just as adults.... naaaa, that falls in the "family obligation" category.

[haggardhouseelf]

That makes sense - paying if it's for an entire summer or a regular sort of thing. If they are regularly performing the role of day care or after school care or that kind of thing, I understanding paying or providing some sort of compensation for their hard work. But if it's just once in while, for a short while, I think it could acceptably go either way for families.