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Old 08-06-2009, 02:00 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,024,408 times
Reputation: 32725

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Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
This reminds me of my grandmother. When we lived near my relatives, my grandmother would do things like this. She was so nosey!!! She'd come over when she thought no one was home and use her key and go through our cabinets and things. We knew it was her because she has a "smell" about her (not a bad one... but it just smells like her...) and things would be rearranged, and later she'd sometimes let things slip... like asking why we had condoms when my husband had a vasectomey (how on earth would she know we have condoms if she hadn't been snooping?) Anyway... Once I was home alone, the kids and their dad were out, and I had all the lights off and was trying to rest because I wasn't feeling good. We didn't have any cars there that night because my car was in the shop and my husband obviously had his... anyway... so Grandma comes sneaking in, thinking no one is home.... I'm freaking out, thinking someone has broken in!! She's just lucky I figured out it was her before I called the cops or whacked over the head with the cast iron skillet. Her excuse was that she was just checking in on us. Snoopy, nosey, old bitty! We never gave her another key, and we were really excited when the opportunity came along to move 1800 miles away from my crazy, snoopy, relatives...
That is awful! inexcusable!
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Old 08-06-2009, 02:38 PM
 
467 posts, read 979,720 times
Reputation: 232
Quote:
Originally Posted by WannaBeinBoston View Post
I'll one up you Mr. Mom. My mother-in-law is narcisistic and my father-in-law has no backbone/spine to put the MOL in her place when she's rude or disrespectful of others including us. They are incredibly disrespectful of us and come and go from our home whenever they feel like it. They insisted on getting a key to our home even though they live 300 miles away. I'm at my wits end with them and so is my wife. No amount of "coming to god" talk does any good because they're not capable of either understanding or dont seem to be capable of listening and absorbing.
Yes, thank the fates for that! The only reason that doesn't happen to us is the 3000 miles distance we are from them. Otherwise I may well be divorced by now. My spouse still defends them somewhat (feeling torn as you can imagine), but she also knows they aren't totally sane.

I'd change the locks and get a restraining order if they kept doing that.
My In-laws would be just as rockheaded as far as any talk was concerned. In fact they'd probably find it amusing. Total lack of respect. Completely.
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Old 08-06-2009, 02:45 PM
 
6,764 posts, read 22,009,219 times
Reputation: 4772
I know someone with in-laws that do not like her. They see their son as perfect and just a 'victim' of things though he causes 75% of the problems in the marriage.

They blame the wife (daughter in law) for the family's financial problems though she is a hard working mother who does what she can to be a mom to her children...one of the children is quite young so she only works a few hours a day.

Her in laws think she needs a better job but she HAS to be home for her little one (she cannot leave him with his older siblings for hours and hours).

These in laws hate their 2 son in laws, too...(one is now an ex-son in law and I bet they liked it because he was 'never good enough for their daughter..)

In laws need to back it up..We are 3,000 miles from my husband's family and 300 from mine FOR A REASON!!!
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Old 08-06-2009, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Here
418 posts, read 902,805 times
Reputation: 224
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
Yes, thank the fates for that! The only reason that doesn't happen to us is the 3000 miles distance we are from them. Otherwise I may well be divorced by now. My spouse still defends them somewhat (feeling torn as you can imagine), but she also knows they aren't totally sane.

I'd change the locks and get a restraining order if they kept doing that.
My In-laws would be just as rockheaded as far as any talk was concerned. In fact they'd probably find it amusing. Total lack of respect. Completely.
I've thought of a millions ways to get our points across that they are disrespectful including asking them for a key to their house or showing up unexpected with some obnoxious friends to stay the weekend. Sadly, I'm not one to give up, but I really don't know what else to do. My wife does not defend them, in fact, she can't believe that she's related to them. I've all but encouraged her to disown them but being that they are her parents, she feels guilty. We've gotten in so many arguments about her not "defending" our family but she concludes that it's pointless. My only option is to move 3000 miles away and hope that they disown us.
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Old 08-06-2009, 05:49 PM
 
Location: in my mind
2,743 posts, read 14,256,076 times
Reputation: 1627
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
I know someone with in-laws that do not like her. They see their son as perfect and just a 'victim' of things though he causes 75% of the problems in the marriage.

They blame the wife (daughter in law) for the family's financial problems though she is a hard working mother who does what she can to be a mom to her children...one of the children is quite young so she only works a few hours a day.

Her in laws think she needs a better job but she HAS to be home for her little one (she cannot leave him with his older siblings for hours and hours).

These in laws hate their 2 son in laws, too...(one is now an ex-son in law and I bet they liked it because he was 'never good enough for their daughter..)

In laws need to back it up..We are 3,000 miles from my husband's family and 300 from mine FOR A REASON!!!


OMG, sounds like my ex-inlaws!

When my kids were little, I was working part time at their school (well, the youngest wasn't in school yet), so I could have them with me. There would have been no money for a sitter on what I made, and my ex wouldn't work. Hadn't worked in over a year.

We were living in a house owned by them (their idea), and when I'd talked to my MIL about her son refusing to get a job, she said "Well you can't expect him to just work at Wal Mart or something!"

Yet during that same time period, when they found out we had bounced a check to the electric company (they showed up to shut off the lights, I wrote a check, hoping I could figure out how to cover it)... and I was the only one working, then I was of course the irresponsible one, for writing the check in the first place. Guess it would have been more responsible to have the power out in Texas in August and have all our food in the fridge go bad, with 2 little kids in the house? Nothing was said about HER son's part in all of this. Never was.

And yes, it's still this way. We split six years ago. His parents support him (financially) and excuse him because he has "depression". I won't get into that.

They never liked me, especially my MIL. From day one. She is a huge Euro-snob. NOT anything against Europeans! Just with her, she thinks it makes her above everyone else, because she's not from the US.

I had a child before meeting my ex, so that was strike one. She decided I was a "welfare mother", confusing "single mom" with welfare mom I guess. I had tattoos. Strike 2. She was concerned about what "kind" of family I came from because I have a relatively blue collar (but hard working) background, mixed with military. I did NOT change my name when we married, because I would have had a ridiculous sounding, rhyming name as a result. My ex had no problem with this but oh boy, my MIL hated it. She insisted on addressing everything to me as if I had changed my name... even if it was a check, which she knew I wouldn't be able to cash!

When we were there for Christmas or whatever, she'd invite all the other women to do something... shopping, going to see Christmas lights, etc. Including the other DIL, married to her other son, and she would purposely snub me every time. My ex FIL was not as bad, and even stood up for me once or twice.

When I finally asked him (my ex) to move out after over a decade of unimaginable bull (including him getting physically violent, which was the last straw), you guessed it. She said I "abandoned" him. I've been the villain ever since. I have not spoken to her since we split, any/all communication is through my ex FIL. Oh, and the sad / scary thing that happened is with the "other" DIL. The one they liked, who came from the "right" family (I remember their 50k wedding that took place when my ex and I were dating), the one with the Master's degree, the one who acted just like them... well when she and their other son split up, they did an about face on her too. She is now "psycho" and all kinds of other bad things I hear. Never ever can any problem be even PARTLY the fault of one of their precious boys!

So, yeah, sometimes it IS one sided. I was never anything but nice to her. It never mattered. My ex never really stood up to her on my behalf either. Big mistake. Just so glad not to have to sit through family gatherings with those screwed up people anymore.

Now it's flipped, my mom treats my SO like crap... and with NO good reason.. but the difference is, I don't tolerate it. If she is nasty to my partner, then we don't visit, and I tell her exactly why! It's crazy, my EX was so much more worthy of contempt, and she didn't like HIM either, but she was never so outwardly hateful with him. Regardless I'm not putting up with that kind of nonsense. Your wife shouldn't either.
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Old 08-06-2009, 06:29 PM
 
377 posts, read 1,059,716 times
Reputation: 727
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
That is awful! inexcusable!
I think I would have had to have fun with this. Should have bought all kinds of bondage magazines, kinky sex stuff, whips, chains, etc. Just outlandish stuff to leave "hidden" around the house. Maybe some duct tape and axe and lye and book on how to hide bodies. Yes... I would have had to have fun with that situation.
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Old 08-06-2009, 10:40 PM
 
298 posts, read 1,087,040 times
Reputation: 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
Not really. They are very controlling of their kids and resented that she got married and that our jobs took her out of thier sphere of influence, which they blame on me for some reason (it was our shared employer). They've barely spoken to me since they were first introduced to me. If I'm guilty of anything, its been a effort to try to get along with them to no avail. They don't treat my wife with any respect, treat her like she's some 13-yr old who doesn't know how to speak for themselves and are convinced I am pulling her strings whenever she speaks up for herself (which isn't true). They make up things and make themselves believe it and then judge us based on those tales. Its really wierd.

Then when people meet me, they expect to meet this horrible person and end up liking me and having no clue what the in-laws were talking about. Its odd to say the least.
They aren't nice people.


Are you living my life or am I living yours!?!!
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:13 AM
 
6,066 posts, read 14,990,835 times
Reputation: 7188
Quote:
Originally Posted by runrgirl View Post
I think I would have had to have fun with this. Should have bought all kinds of bondage magazines, kinky sex stuff, whips, chains, etc. Just outlandish stuff to leave "hidden" around the house. Maybe some duct tape and axe and lye and book on how to hide bodies. Yes... I would have had to have fun with that situation.
Hee hee... you sound just like my husband, he said something similar when I told him what had happened! lol
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Old 08-07-2009, 09:40 AM
 
Location: east coast
250 posts, read 908,432 times
Reputation: 334
My in laws are like this. There was one christmas (they do a gift exchange) and I was the only one left out of it since I was just a fiance (meanwhile the other fiances (to be sister in laws) were included wtf?). Anyhow luckily we're married now and moved away and rarely see them. When my husband deploys they never call me--its like I don't exist. They even come into town (1500 miles) to visit my husband's brother and fail to see us and we live 40 min away.
Its pretty bad still.... but I always remember when I have guilty feelings like "I" need to do more or "I" cant change them-but I can react differently to their BS that we must never make a "priority" to the people who make us an "option". Be happy, focus on the life you have with your spouse and forget the losers. It takes waaaay too much energy to analyze everything (trust me I used to spend a ton of energy trying to figure them out, trying to figure out what I need to do to have them like me).
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:23 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
1,691 posts, read 3,839,602 times
Reputation: 4123
question. when holiday or birthday cards get sent to your in-laws is you name on those? How does your wife address letters and gifts to them?

Are they rude to you in person? could they not recall the last name? ( my sister never can recall my last name she always adressed items and letters to me with my maiden name on it).

some general suggestions are to send another wedding announcement or annivsary announce with both names listed without mention of wifes maiden name. To make sure your name is on return labels and also all presents/cards sent. Example is: John and Martha Smith. dont sign "the Smith Family" use John Smith and Family or even Mr & Mrs Smith and famliy.

other then that... don't let it both you. Mom lets stuff like that get to her and it drives her batty at times. If your in-laws don't like you so be it. My in-laws didn't care for me either... cared for me even less after the divorce... still I didn't care. I wasn't here to impress them.

Just ignore thier childlike behavior and rise above it all.
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