U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-20-2007, 07:57 PM
MB2
 
Location: Sebastian/ FL
3,496 posts, read 8,563,577 times
Reputation: 2688

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by jco View Post
Your husband should be the one standing up to your MIL and SIL, not you. It's a simple as this: If you do not treat my wife and the mother of your grandchildren with respect, you will not be involved in our lives. My husband had to do it with his mom, and we had a few bumps afterward, but now we get along a lot better. Even when my husband's not looking!

It sounds like your husband isn't motivated to do this, however, so you have a much harder road to walk. I don't suggest manipulating him or nagging, because this will only make things worse. Counseling is a good idea. For my cousin's wife, she finally convinced my cousin to move across the country. Their marriage has improved a hundred times. Sometimes you just need to get away from these negative influences.
I agree!
I had some drama with my previous in-laws as well, and that was part of my divorce!!!
How would you like, if your father in law comes up to you, offering you $100,000.00, to leave his grandchild (your child) behind, and dissapear back to germany, never to be heard from ever again?
How would you like, if an investigator (hired by my in-laws) follows you around for 2 weeks straight, come to your work, and in-laws intercept messages?
Trust me, counseling DID NOT WORK for me, because my then husband didn't believe in it, and refused to let "other people, quaks, know his business".
My story has a happy ending though.....my ex-father in law is dead (cancer), my ex mother in law has cancer as well, my ex sister in law is on heroin, my ex brother in law became an alcoholic, my ex husband is having one surgery after another on his back and knees, he's gaining more weight, and it get's worse from here
I got married again, for the second time, and I am madly in love and as happy as a clam, get along great with my in laws and the family, and my family love my husband to death....So, we are as happy as a clam....lol
I truly BELIEVE in what goes around, comes around!!!!!!!!!!!

Last edited by MB2; 05-20-2007 at 07:59 PM.. Reason: add sentence
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-20-2007, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,541,006 times
Reputation: 524
Quote:
My story has a happy ending though.....my ex-father in law is dead (cancer), my ex mother in law has cancer as well, my ex sister in law is on heroin, my ex brother in law became an alcoholic, my ex husband is having one surgery after another on his back and knees, he's gaining more weight, and it get's worse from here
Don't you think that is bad karma, being happy about their sorrow? I would never be happy about someone having to deal with cancer or addiction no matter what they did to me.

I understand you are very bitter but those are some pretty harsh words.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2007, 09:17 PM
MB2
 
Location: Sebastian/ FL
3,496 posts, read 8,563,577 times
Reputation: 2688
Quote:
Originally Posted by skoe View Post
Don't you think that is bad karma, being happy about their sorrow? I would never be happy about someone having to deal with cancer or addiction no matter what they did to me.

I understand you are very bitter but those are some pretty harsh words.
Sorry....I didn't kill em', I'm not responsible for their addictions and I didn't give em cancer either.
Like i've said "What goes around, comes around"
People are different, in a lot of different ways.....just because you are more forgiving ( good for you) , doesn't mean I have to be !
They did enough to me, that warrants (in my eyes) what they ended up with. Therefor I do have my reason's, so let's just leave it at that. OK?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2007, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 2,375,648 times
Reputation: 685
I really think I need to stay single because I don't care how much I love someone, no one, not there sister, not their Mother...is going to come into my house and disrespect me....NOR will I be traveling to theirs at all...

My ex inlaws...wow what a FUN time that was...I got a craw full of that and now there is not even wiggle room for it...

My heart goes out to you all that have to deal with it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2007, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,840,329 times
Reputation: 1650
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary View Post
I really think I need to stay single because I don't care how much I love someone, no one, not there sister, not their Mother...is going to come into my house and disrespect me....NOR will I be traveling to theirs at all...

My ex inlaws...wow what a FUN time that was...I got a craw full of that and now there is not even wiggle room for it...

My heart goes out to you all that have to deal with it.
I have the same attitude as you do. The sister-in-law that we have cut off is not in our lives for that reason, but my husband did stand up for me. He also set his mother straight, and I have many times also, so she knows he's with me and if she wants to see him or her grandkids...well she needs to at least be respectful to me. I feel for those that do not have their husbands with them on this issue it's very hard to deal with.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2007, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,506 posts, read 23,180,936 times
Reputation: 8829
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary View Post
I really think I need to stay single because I don't care how much I love someone, no one, not there sister, not their Mother...is going to come into my house and disrespect me....NOR will I be traveling to theirs at all...

My ex inlaws...wow what a FUN time that was...I got a craw full of that and now there is not even wiggle room for it...

My heart goes out to you all that have to deal with it.

I couldn't agree more. If the h starts to side w/ his family of origin- bad news----you are his wife- this is his new family-

I am still amazed how many SIL and MIL stories that exist- I am divorcing in part because of that- he never defended me and I may as well have been living alone.


sunny
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2007, 09:35 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,533 posts, read 35,646,549 times
Reputation: 13126
Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingBack2PA View Post
Sorry....I didn't kill em', I'm not responsible for their addictions and I didn't give em cancer either.
Like i've said "What goes around, comes around"
People are different, in a lot of different ways.....just because you are more forgiving ( good for you) , doesn't mean I have to be !
They did enough to me, that warrants (in my eyes) what they ended up with. Therefor I do have my reason's, so let's just leave it at that. OK?
I agree with you and you are entitled to feel the way you do!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-21-2007, 05:08 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,516,228 times
Reputation: 19858
Quote:
Originally Posted by staceyccc View Post
I don't have a parenting issue (at the moment anyway), but, I have an issue with a parent. I am married and have 3 great, (under 8) kids. My husband's family consists of his mom and his sister and that's it. They have a reputation of not being the friendliest people and are complete social morons.
After putting up with my husband's very loud and critical sister for 10 years, I finally stood up to her about a year ago and "blew up" at one of her tirade's and personal attacks on me. My husband actually encouraged me for a while to tell her off. I do this and my husband consoles her! He stayed with her that evening! I can't even begin to describe the hurt I felt. It's a year later and I still haven't spoken to his sister, my husband has no clue as to how hurtful that experience was and we don't really talk about it.
His mom has been staying with us this week and she literally sits in a chair at our kitchen table and stairs. She does not speak to me. I try to have conversation with her and I only get one-word answers and a giggle. She hardly interacts with the kids. But, when my husband walks in the room she's chatty and nicer to me. She clearly does not like me either.
I'm a nice person and not judgemental or critical. I'm a people pleaser and can't think of that many people in my past who have dis-liked me, so this is very hard.
The hardest part, though, is trying to get my husband to understand this. He doesn't understand how hard this is for me and doesn't understand why I need him to support me. I don't want him to choose, but, maybe they wouldn't be so mean if he supported me more in front of them, right?

It seems as though we share the same mother in law!! I have been with my partner for 18 years and she still HATES me with a passion. Fortunately for us she lives 250 miles away and we hardly see her and also we have no kids so no worries on that front.
My partner has always been very supportive but despite raising the issue with his mother nothing has been achieved. He always said from the begining that if there was a choice ( she gave him an ultimatum about me ) I would always win out as I now was his family.
This woman has the thick skin of a crocodile and does not even understand what the fuss is about. I will speak to her and she will ignore me, I try to be polite and thoughtful , buy her flowers when we visit, always remember her birthday, try to be interested in what she is interested in ....nothing.

My partner does not particularly like her either so it's OK as we basically have learnt to ignore the little moods and tantrums she throws. She has to be the centre of attention at all times and is the most selfish and thoughtless person I have ever met and behaves like a 3 year old toddler. She will not discuss anything not related to her and does not even know what her own son does for a living( despite being told many times, no she's not senile but she just tunes out if it's not about her).

She forgets his birthday and never asks how he is. This is the bit which hurts me the most, seeing what a selfish cow she is and what a terrible mother. For her to hate me, fine I can deal with that but to have so little interest in her own son? I have wanted to smack her into a reality check before but apart from the ethics of it () she is just impervious to anything so subtle.
We have learnt that people like her will never change and that such a toxic individual is not worth bothering about. I get on great with my partner's dad though so it softens the blow of the occasional visits ! ( though I have to admit being a nervous wreck for days before she descends upon us) .
The most important thing is for your husband to support you , if he doesn't then you really ought to ask him to chose. Anyone who treats anyone you love with such contempt should be viewed as a pretty nasty human being and he should understand that. He loves you and your kids, how can he also love people who hurt them on purpose ?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2007, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
22,533 posts, read 46,067,135 times
Reputation: 13302
I have the in-laws from hell, too.

My MIL would run my husband like a slave. For years, I was "lucky" if he was home with me a few hours a week, besides sleeping. Heck, he even slept over there, took his mother on a date to the drive-in. One time, I was left without a phone, car, food or money for three days!

When I threatened to leave he would say I better not take our daughter over county or state lines or he would call the law. He knew I wanted to move out of state.

My solution? After seven years, I moved the family 700 miles and he came with. Haven't had a problem since. He understands that MIL and SIL are not allowed in my home. It doesn't hurt that I pointed out to him that his family has nothing and my family has money.

It's been quiet for almost two years!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2007, 09:37 AM
MB2
 
Location: Sebastian/ FL
3,496 posts, read 8,563,577 times
Reputation: 2688
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
I have the in-laws from hell, too.

My MIL would run my husband like a slave. For years, I was "lucky" if he was home with me a few hours a week, besides sleeping. Heck, he even slept over there, took his mother on a date to the drive-in. One time, I was left without a phone, car, food or money for three days!

When I threatened to leave he would say I better not take our daughter over county or state lines or he would call the law. He knew I wanted to move out of state.

My solution? After seven years, I moved the family 700 miles and he came with. Haven't had a problem since. He understands that MIL and SIL are not allowed in my home. It doesn't hurt that I pointed out to him that his family has nothing and my family has money.

It's been quiet for almost two years!
Good for you, hiks
Sorry, am I "stereotyping" by making the statement, that guys/ sons are usually the ones which are so attached, and clingy to their mom's?
It's usually also the woman, trying the hold the family together, making changes and putting the foot down..........
One needs to.......... and give him a couple of good pointing reasons, doesn't hurt either....lol. Right, hiks????
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top