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Old 11-16-2007, 09:17 AM
 
27 posts, read 151,653 times
Reputation: 43

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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Carolina Native View Post
When you realize that the reason they are acting like this is jealousy, it can get a little easier. I know this is strange advice, but it worked for me. But you can be your own person. If he is going to their homes and you don't feel like being a punching bag that day, don't go. Let him have his time with them, alone. When he is the one they are giving the third degree and trying to boss around, he will chose to be with them less and less. He knows what they are, he just doesn't have the strength to deal with them. .
Well said...........lets face it girls, no matter how wonderful we may be , we (most of us) will never be good enough for our MIL's little boy.
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Old 11-16-2007, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,535 posts, read 35,657,884 times
Reputation: 13133
I always enjoy how my MIL will ask me a question that requires more than just a yes or no answer, and then half way into my answer (and I'm NOT long-winded!) she will turn to my husband and just start a conversation with him. Next time she asks me a question, I'm going to ask her "Do you really want to know?"
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Old 11-16-2007, 07:53 PM
 
1,352 posts, read 4,158,994 times
Reputation: 570
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
I always enjoy how my MIL will ask me a question that requires more than just a yes or no answer, and then half way into my answer (and I'm NOT long-winded!) she will turn to my husband and just start a conversation with him. Next time she asks me a question, I'm going to ask her "Do you really want to know?"
How about the next time she asks you a question, you turn to your husband and just start up a conversation with him, totally off the subject, LOL
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Old 11-17-2007, 01:20 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,535 posts, read 35,657,884 times
Reputation: 13133
Quote:
Originally Posted by ayannaaaliyah View Post
How about the next time she asks you a question, you turn to your husband and just start up a conversation with him, totally off the subject, LOL
Now THAT is an excellent idea!!!!!
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Old 11-17-2007, 05:18 AM
 
9,350 posts, read 8,742,167 times
Reputation: 14400
Quote:
Originally Posted by staceyccc View Post
I don't have a parenting issue (at the moment anyway), but, I have an issue with a parent. I am married and have 3 great, (under 8) kids. My husband's family consists of his mom and his sister and that's it. They have a reputation of not being the friendliest people and are complete social morons.
After putting up with my husband's very loud and critical sister for 10 years, I finally stood up to her about a year ago and "blew up" at one of her tirade's and personal attacks on me. My husband actually encouraged me for a while to tell her off. I do this and my husband consoles her! He stayed with her that evening! I can't even begin to describe the hurt I felt. It's a year later and I still haven't spoken to his sister, my husband has no clue as to how hurtful that experience was and we don't really talk about it.
His mom has been staying with us this week and she literally sits in a chair at our kitchen table and stairs. She does not speak to me. I try to have conversation with her and I only get one-word answers and a giggle. She hardly interacts with the kids. But, when my husband walks in the room she's chatty and nicer to me. She clearly does not like me either.
I'm a nice person and not judgemental or critical. I'm a people pleaser and can't think of that many people in my past who have dis-liked me, so this is very hard.
The hardest part, though, is trying to get my husband to understand this. He doesn't understand how hard this is for me and doesn't understand why I need him to support me. I don't want him to choose, but, maybe they wouldn't be so mean if he supported me more in front of them, right?
Your biggest problem is your husband not supporting you and standing by your side! When you married you were supposed to become one union. Without his support, you are on your own and always will be.

Stop trying to be a people-pleaser, that is a waste of time and a no-winner. Please yourself first, affirm yourself, take care of you! Concentrate on your marriage and your children, and screw everyone else!

The way it is now, all you're achieving is emotional bruises from banging your head on the wall trying to please everyone else. And trust me, your efforts are NOT appreciated.

When Mommy Dearest is over and is a catatonic around you, just ignore the old bat and go about your business. You are NOT responsible for entertaining her!

What about your own family? Where are they in your life? Focus on them and forget the jerks of the world.
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:10 AM
 
Location: USA
1,895 posts, read 4,040,692 times
Reputation: 1988
Quote:
I have a wonderful daughter in law who I consider a dear friend. We have almost always gotten along. However, once....about 5 years ago...she and I got into a heated disagreement concerning a holiday celebration (what else is new?) Before it got too far out of hand, my son just said; "Mother, stop right now. I love you but you need to understand that this is my wife and I will always take her side so you are outnumbered and can not win this arguement." That was the end of that and I must say I have seldom been more proud of my son than I was that day. Your husband needs to just make it clear to his mother and sister that when it comes to their going against his wife it is a situation in which they can never win. He might be surprised that they will have new found respect for him as a man if he did this.
Congrats! to you - you raised A MAN - not a mouse! I want my husband to be a man (he's only ten right now), but when he's grown, I want him to be a man, with all that that implies.......kudos.
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Old 12-08-2007, 12:14 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,008 times
Reputation: 10
Default i need help too!!!

okay. im not married, but i have a boyfriend for a year now...we talk about marriage a lot, but we plan to marry in 2 years or so...he is going to give me a ring, and we'll things are getting serious...i see him as my future husband, but im more than scared to think that if we marry he is still going to have him mom first than me. i asked him and he said she comes first! this made me so mad...the thing is that we went to puerto rico last summer with his fam. it was his sister and boyfriend, his mom and dad, and him and me. so, she became jealous bc we spent a lot of time together and she told me to share him, and that i only want him for myself, and one night his dad had a moment of anger bc people didnt let him sleep, and we'll when this happened she took the situation, and she confronted me and told me yell at me that she regrets inviting me to PR and that she regrets meeting me and that i ruinned her vacations. that all the problems the fam was having were bc of me. she still talks to him as if he was a little boy, and i think that she's jealous, and that now that he has someone she wants to be with him, and needs to spent time with him... well, why cant she spend time with husband, at the end of the day, it was a couples thing.
this traumatized me, and since the me and his fam are cool no more. i want him to realize that once he marries me, i have to be his priority bc im going to be his new family. And well, the problem now is that he wants me to fix things up with her, when she was the one whoo disrespected me infront of everyone. its important for him for me and MIL to get along, but how??? the lady is so jealous and overprotecting!!!! idk what to do!
And the thing is that his mom's mom, or his grandmother, told me after she insulted me, that if i plan to have a future with him, if we get married her advice is to get as farther away from them as posible, and to not let her get in between us......her own mother is saying this!!!! HELP!
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Old 12-08-2007, 12:53 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,005,349 times
Reputation: 4295
Quote:
Originally Posted by medi2727 View Post
i asked him and he said she comes first! ... i want him to realize that once he marries me, i have to be his priority bc im going to be his new family. And well, the problem now is that he wants me to fix things up with her, when she was the one whoo disrespected me infront of everyone. its important for him for me and MIL to get along, but how??? the lady is so jealous and overprotecting!!!!..And the thing is that his mom's mom, or his grandmother, told me after she insulted me, that if i plan to have a future with him, if we get married her advice is to get as farther away from them as posible, and to not let her get in between us......her own mother is saying this!!!! HELP!
The grandmother's advice is helpful, but it won't solve anything. You'll just find yourself having to spend all your vacation time making the trip back to see his family, you won't be able to make holiday traditions of your own because you will be expected to spend them with "The Family" - meaning HIS, not YOURS.

The most sensible advice is to break off this relationship, or as noted on another board FLEE! FLEE LIKE TOKYO CITIZENS RUNNING FROM GODZILLA!! But you won't take it. You're in looove, you think things are going to change after you marry and your boyfriend-now-husband will see that it's time for him to make his own family. Won't work .. won't work ... won't work In fact, it will get worse. And when/if you have kids, watch life become even more hellacious.

What you really-really need to do is go to the support board that deals with this situation Mother-In-Law Stories and Mother-In-Law Jokes
You'll find that your story is vastly common; hundreds of women have posted there. Some have found help in dealing with the situation, some have made life changing decisions - even to the extent that they realized the relationship would never work and therefore ended it. Nearly all say that the board is one thing that has helped them maintain their sanity if only in the effect that is a place to talk these problems out with other women who have gone thru the same thing.

Good luck and blessings
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Old 12-08-2007, 05:22 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
3,589 posts, read 2,975,501 times
Reputation: 533
Quote:
Originally Posted by medi2727 View Post
okay. im not married, but i have a boyfriend for a year now...we talk about marriage a lot, but we plan to marry in 2 years or so...he is going to give me a ring, and we'll things are getting serious...i see him as my future husband, but im more than scared to think that if we marry he is still going to have him mom first than me. i asked him and he said she comes first! this made me so mad...the thing is that we went to puerto rico last summer with his fam. it was his sister and boyfriend, his mom and dad, and him and me. so, she became jealous bc we spent a lot of time together and she told me to share him, and that i only want him for myself, and one night his dad had a moment of anger bc people didnt let him sleep, and we'll when this happened she took the situation, and she confronted me and told me yell at me that she regrets inviting me to PR and that she regrets meeting me and that i ruinned her vacations. that all the problems the fam was having were bc of me. she still talks to him as if he was a little boy, and i think that she's jealous, and that now that he has someone she wants to be with him, and needs to spent time with him... well, why cant she spend time with husband, at the end of the day, it was a couples thing.
this traumatized me, and since the me and his fam are cool no more. i want him to realize that once he marries me, i have to be his priority bc im going to be his new family. And well, the problem now is that he wants me to fix things up with her, when she was the one whoo disrespected me infront of everyone. its important for him for me and MIL to get along, but how??? the lady is so jealous and overprotecting!!!! idk what to do!
And the thing is that his mom's mom, or his grandmother, told me after she insulted me, that if i plan to have a future with him, if we get married her advice is to get as farther away from them as posible, and to not let her get in between us......her own mother is saying this!!!! HELP!
Run. Run fast, run far, do not stop. Mamma's boys never change. I speak from experience.

RUN. You can do better.
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:28 AM
LML
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,109 posts, read 7,920,707 times
Reputation: 5154
The advice you are being give to RUNNNNNN is the only answer. The pain you feel from the break up with him will last 6 months. The pain you feel from being married to him will last a lifetime. RUN
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