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I'm really surprised how liberal so many of you are about drugs.
Actually I'm not at all -- but I was going by this:
He's a good kid otherwise - does whatever I tell him to do, very respectful to me, and he could be out there doing something worse.
So what do you do? Toss the kid out on the streets? The mom thinks he could be doing something worse - and that's true. He's already crossed the line into drug use and since he probably feels quite mellow and fine, he thinks there is no problem.
For my kids, they know that drug use is non-negotiable, they cannot live in my house and do drugs, nor can they come home drunk, nor smoke cigarettes and a few other things.
I would wonder where the money for drugs comes from.
I have zero tolerance for this crap. I don't think it's funny.
Apparently my nephew is a pothead down in Florida and his father can't or won't do anything about it. I asked what the kid's been up to and my brother mentioned something flippant about it...
I mean, yeah, we all 'experimented' with something but some people get addicted. At 17 it's 'being a kid' but by 20 something when you have NO LIFE because you're stoned all the time...well, it stops being 'a phase.'
I wish the mother good luck.
Like I said, we had to move to a new apartment thanks to a stoner teen and his 'disinterested' mother...
Druggies do stupid things..
You want to smoke or shoot up and kill yourself...have fun...just leave me and mine out of it (including smelling your smoke..)
After what we went through this summer with "Stoner Boy" I don't think drugs/drug jokes are funny anymore. Some people can handle the occasional joint others...well...not so much...
I'm getting the feeling from your posts that you're a single mom?
Is he only playing basketball at the rec center? Is he not on the high school team? Why don't you talk to the coach at his school, and maybe have the coach speak with your son?
If not the coach, make an appointment with his guidance counselor at school. Perhaps it's time for an adult to sit down with him and get him started thinking about where his life is going and making a plan as to how he's going to get there.
See if the school offers a mentor program. If not, contact your local Big Brothers Big Sisters and see if you can get a mentor for your son.
If he's spending hours at the rec center, he's got too much "free" time on his hands. Get him involved in activities that will fill his time outside the rec center.
Also, I'd talk to the people who are running the rec center, and find out how this is going on under their nose and they aren't monitoring it better.
Wishing you all the best!
Yes, Jill I am a single mom. I got divorced last year.
He plays basketball at the rec center, and he plays basketball for the school. Basketball has always been his "life". He's very, very good at it and has been playing since he was 5.
The school guidance counselor has put me in touch with the community police officer. An older man who used to run the gang unit in the city that I live in. I've already sat down with him, and he is willing to put a little "scare" into my son, and work with the school police officers to look out for him. He's also looking into a mentor for him, but you know how it is? There's a lack of men to mentor minority children. I'm just happy that this man is working with me.
I gave my 2 teenagers both drug tests. My son's came out positive for smoking pot. I've been suspecting he's been smoking it lately. He plays basketball for hours at the rec center down the street. When he comes home sometimes he won't even look me in the eye. He makes himself a plate of food, eats it and goes to his room and goes to sleep.
I want him to understand that it's a bad thing, but i don't know how to! The only thing he really enjoys doing is playing basketball. I don't want to take away from him the only thing he enjoys! I'm on the fence with this one. He's a good kid otherwise - does whatever I tell him to do, very respectful to me, and he could be out there doing something worse.
My mother didn't really handle my mishaps in the most positive ways growing up. I felt like I didn't have much structure, and there was too much time for doing whatever I wanted to do. I try my best, but because I didn't have the best upbringing, there's a lack of what I can go with.
Its nice to see someone caring about this. Im not a parent myself but I would liek to share what my parents did to inform me about drugs and drinking. They really informed me about everything from the good (the feelings of it) to the bad and we all know about that. If he is doing it every day everytime he plays ball just let him know that you know he is smoking and DO NOT I repeat DO NOT be a controling factor right here with him. He will only push you away and resent you. Expirence talks here. Be more of a friend to him at this point than a parent but dont lose the aspect of being a parent. Be firm but not harsh. Its hard to do if you have not done things in the past but like I said before let him know about it inform him and TRUST him. Trust, love, and repect goes alot further in life than lies, hatred, deciet, etc... Keep a level head and dont freak out. I hope Ive helped somewhat and good luck on talking to him.
My first thought was call the police, but you know sometimes that doesn't work. So don't do that.
There are alot of things mentioned here, what needs to happen is for your son to realize that even though marijuana isn't a big deal, it maybe only experimental, (most kids do experiment), the long term effects in its continued use is to try other drugs because the pot isn't working anymore. Failure of a drug test can cost you a job or career that you like, could get you kicked out of college that you want to go to, go to jail or prison. These are only a few things that come to my mind.
Then after explaining this all to him he needs to decide if this stuff is worth it.
I have been drug tested at my work place for over 26 years, this is for 4 different job professions. There are more and more businesses testing for drug use all the time.
I sure hope he stops before he train wrecks his future.
My son is 18 and he smoke pot and he was smoking pot around the age of 15. He was and still do sometime hang around the wrong kind of people. Smoking pot is a big deal, because it can lead to other drugs, because a lot of people put crack and other drugs in their pot. He can one day get hold of some bad pot or he can be saling it or holding it for someone, who knows than the cops find that stuff in your house you can get in trouble for it. What I am trying to say is it is a bad thing and that is why I gave my son 30 days to get out of my home, because I have a daughter to raise and we need a place to stay and I am not getting put out because some silly azz teenager don't want to do right. I have been giving him warnings and he don't believe **** stinks. He needs to go.
Last edited by shygirl39; 08-28-2009 at 10:17 AM..
Reason: misspell word
Can it? By that reasoning, beer leads to heroin and crack. And candy leads to beer.
If someone is going to do heroin or crack, they do not need pot as a stepping stone.
As I stated before, its certainly better not to smoke pot. Its not healthy and the legal issues are just that. But to speak as if its a one-way ticket to perdition is dishonest as well as silly. And that discredits any chance of reasonable discussion on the topic.
Johnny427 is right.
You can't just do the scare tactics...like one puff will KILL you....
You need to explain why people do drugs, and that they do make you feel good but there are bad side effects to them, as well as cigarettes and booze.
It depends on the kid. You could have kids afraid to do anything or a kid who doesn't care how much you lecture or talk...they're doing what they want no matter what!
My son is 18 and he smoke pot and he was smoking pot around the age of 15. He was and still do sometime hang around the wrong kind of people. Smoking pot is a big deal, because it can lead to other drugs, because a lot of people put crack and other drugs in their pot. He can one day get hold of some bad pot or he can be saling it or holding it for someone, who knows than the cops find that stuff in your house you can get in trouble for it. What I am trying to say is it is a bad thing and that is why I gave my son 30 days to get out of my home, because I have a daughter to raise and we need a place to stay and I am not getting put out because some silly azz teenager don't want to do right. I have been giving him warnings and he don't believe **** stinks. He needs to go.
You were right for several reasons. By 18, if a child doesn't want to follow your rules, out they should go. It sounds like your son wants to make his own rules -- fine, then he can take care of himself, support himself. Setting a poor example for a younger sibling is also not good to allow.
Sure the first puff of pot isn't going to make someone insane but potheads tend to lack motivation, they sit around too much and they put their drugs before having a job. No way would I go to work every day, pay all the bills and come home to potheads even if they were my adult children who have sat around smoking dope all day.
It is my house - and what comes into my house whether it's drugs of some kind, cigarettes, porn, automotic weapons, bombs to blow up the school --- IS my business and I can forbid whatever I want.
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