Eavesdropping on Teenage Son (parents, girls, appropriate, 13 yr old)

[wickydick]

I have recently overheard my son talking about sex, and using disgusting language. It is very out of character for him as he is clean cut, polite, overachiever. Is this normal behaviour for a 14 year old?

[malamute]

It probably is normal for some 14 year olds, it all depends on what they've learned, who they've learned from and who they're trying to impress. Some kids know that certain kind of talk is unacceptable.

[Davachka]

I don't think there is such a thing as normal, all kids are different. Personally, I would have a long serious talk with him. Maybe he is only speaking this way to impress the other guys, or maybe this is what he is like when you are not around. Either way, I'd have a chat.

[DubbleT]

I once chaperoned a group of 12 and 13 yr old boys on an overnight field trip. You should have heard the conversation and the language once they thought I was asleep!
Everything from whose **** was biggest, which girl had the best 'rack', to which girls were willing to do what. Most of the conversation seemed to be spurred by one or two particular boys, and I think the other boys went along with it as some sort of macho thing. I think like Malamute said, it's an attempt to impress, involving a large dose of peer pressure. Maybe with the added thrill of talking about 'forbidden' things.

Maybe you could find an opening in the next few weeks to start a casual conversation with your son about respect for self and others, healthy attitudes about sex vs. treating it like something dirty, etc. You could take this as just one more opportunity to teach and share your views on the subject.

[djacques]

It's normal, and in a situation around his peers it's also perfectly appropriate. What's appropriate talk around your friends might not be around your parents, and vice versa.

[Jaggy001]

Originally Posted by djacques

It's normal, and in a situation around his peers it's also perfectly appropriate. What's appropriate talk around your friends might not be around your parents, and vice versa.

What he said

All part of being a boy and growing up.

[Infamous92]

Everyone is different, like others have said he's probably talking like that because he's talking to his friends, I've heard kids half his age talk that way.

[Marissy]

Originally Posted by wickydick

I have recently overheard my son talking about sex, and using disgusting language. It is very out of character for him as he is clean cut, polite, overachiever. Is this normal behaviour for a 14 year old?

Unfortunately, yes. He is in the middle of puberty, after all.

It doesn't matter if he is nice, polite, does well in school. Kids will talk about sex and may say bad things at times around their friends, especially boys. It is human nature. Just talk with him about it and what is and isn't acceptable in your household (no bringing girls home, no sex til he is 18, etc. etc.) and what is right and wrong based on your families beliefs.

[StilltheSame]

I have a friend who is a guidance counselor in a high school. Our children are elementary school ages. They attended a small private school and we are very involved parents. She told me something I will never forget - your children have another life that you have no idea about - they all do. She then told me about learning about her son in 4th grade and that he "liked girls and had a girlfriend" - this kid wasnt out of her sight or hearing when out of school and she was shocked. I also chaperoned a 4th grade overnight with my daughter and her close friends who I have known since Kindergarten and was surprised at the conversations. Our children are not angels and have their own lives that we know nothing about- no matter how hard we try.

So, if it were my son -I would consider myself lucky I overheard and we would have a talk - because my gut would be - that this is who he is becoming (at least for a few teen years) and I would want to cut that off at the pass.

[FarNorthDallas]

I agree kids have their own lives much earlier than you think. I eavesdrop, too, on my 14-year-old son and have for years. Some of his friends are way more into girls and sex than other boys. The girls are also very much into that kind of talk too and in plenty of cases they initiate it.

I have found this book to ring true more than any other book I have read about child development:
Amazon.com: The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do, Revised and Updated (9781439101650): Judith Rich Harris: Books