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Old 04-29-2007, 08:41 AM
Status: "meltdowns are life!" (set 21 days ago)
 
14,469 posts, read 30,509,580 times
Reputation: 6327

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Hello, just wondering if anyone has experience with fostering children? My husband and I are attending an info meeting on May 1 so that we can get started on the application process. I just thought maybe someone here would have some experience/insight that they could share. It's my understanding that you can sort of narrow down ages/sex of the children you accept, and also the level of their needs. We have a few concerns about older children, particularly girls, because I've heard that it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when a foster parent is accused of something inappropriate. Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks for sharing if you do!
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Old 04-30-2007, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Tejas
7,504 posts, read 15,969,677 times
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My aunt and uncle fostered many children. It is an extremely difficult thing to do, both for you and the child. You can get emotionally detached to the child, and they may not want to deal with you because they have been moved around alot, so they stay detached.
He has had some great children, and some really horrid ones. It cant take alot of your time but it is extremely satisfying. They have never been acused of anything inappropriate, but id hazard a guess and say some children do have a record of this.
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Old 04-30-2007, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Johns Island, SC
797 posts, read 2,695,809 times
Reputation: 1090
No matter the age or sex of the child when foster parenting you ARE guilty until proven innocent.

We have adopted 4 children after foster parenting them for 5 years. Foster parenting is VERY difficult primarily because the government ties your hands and expects you to be extra creative and tolerant of very troubled children.

I believe more people could do it but should they do it is the question. Either way IMO you should not get into it planning to pick and choose the kids like you do fruit at the grocery store. These kids are from broken homes and ALL of them come with hurt and pains. They did not choose their parents so why should we discount them for the baggage they bring along.

Especially the older kids get forgotten and avoided, it is so sad to see how many families get involved in foster parenting who are only interested in taking in the babies that won't have a chance of going back to their biological parents.

Consider carefully exactly WHY you want to do it and then pray about it first. It will be the biggest sacrifice of your life but remember with great sacrifice comes great reward.
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Old 04-30-2007, 03:43 PM
Status: "meltdowns are life!" (set 21 days ago)
 
14,469 posts, read 30,509,580 times
Reputation: 6327
We have spent months praying about it. Everyone I've spoken with has told me that no matter what, your bio children come first and need to be protected. I have a 10 year old, and I am not going to bring a child older than that into our home. I'm glad it worked out for you and your family. I don't feel I am selecting them like produce, that sounds really mean of you. I do respect your opinion, but again, I need to do what is best for my home and family. I can't save them all, and neither can you. Thanks for your input!
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Old 04-30-2007, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Johns Island, SC
797 posts, read 2,695,809 times
Reputation: 1090
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire View Post
.... I don't feel I am selecting them like produce, that sounds really mean of you....Thank you for your input!

Your welcome, and I wasn't suggesting that you specifically were trying to select the child you foster the same way a person would shop for produce. Unfortunately of the many soon to be foster parents I have met many of them tend to approach the subject like shopping for produce. The reason I used produce selection as an example is because much like shopping for produce some kids their sex, age and history can seem like the right fit for you at first but once you get them in your home and the honeymoon is over and you really get to pull back the outer skin you are often surprised by what you find.

You are wise to consider your biological children and how fostering will effect them and your entire family for that matter. An older child might seem more risky than a younger one however a 4 year old can make very convincing accusations manifested from their "magical thinking" years just as well as a manipulative teen ager might.

Your prayers will be your best guide on what to do for your family, and I wouldn't even suggest that you or I can "save" any of them. In our case we just stepped up to the challenge because it was the right thing to do.
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Old 04-30-2007, 08:52 PM
Status: "meltdowns are life!" (set 21 days ago)
 
14,469 posts, read 30,509,580 times
Reputation: 6327
Well, I admire you for being able to step up to the challenge! We have been praying about it, and just last night I was awake all night tossing and turning about it. We are supposed to go to our first info meeting tomorrow night with the agency we chose, but now I am getting cold feet again. We will probably cancel, simply because we would have to attend another class this Saturday, and we are going to be at a marriage retreat. Anyway, this is such a huge undertaking, and I don't take it lightly. I think that is why I am losing sleep, and waiting to see how the Lord is leading us. Thanks for your help on this--I didn't mean to sound so defensive but I honestly have good intentions about these kids. And I would probably take whatever they asked me to if we were approved--I guess saying I wouldn't is my way of feeling like I have a little bit of control? I have a huge heart for the abused and neglected, even though I have absolutely zero training and have no idea what to do. I am naive in thinking that loving them is enough, I know that.

Thanks for your replies!
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Old 04-30-2007, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Johns Island, SC
797 posts, read 2,695,809 times
Reputation: 1090
Loving these children involves many things, sacrifice most of all, it sounds like your heart is in the right place. Actually no amount of training or experience will be enough but rest assured that the Lord will equip you with all that you need, and He will guide you to His chosen child that He desires you to be a steward of. My prayers are with you and your family.
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