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Okay here is the law in Canada and it is a stupid law. I talked to the teen crisis line many times since the excrement hit the oscilator so to speak,
Children up to the age of 16 have all the rights. They cannot be made to do anything unless they agree.
My family doctor spoke to her and asked her if hecould refer her to specialist. In his office she said "i guess" but when we got outside theo ffice she told me to go to he!! she would not go and if I forced her too she would refuse to speak. I contacted the teen crisis line, the police and my doctor and was told the same thing - i cannot make her go without her consent.
I asked them what about bipolar disorder could I at least get her tested for that because medication for a chemical imbalance might level her out.. Guess what the answer was!
YOU CANNOT MAKE HER TAKE MEDICATION UNLESS SHE REQUESTS IT OR CONSENTS TO IT.
THE POLICE RESPONDED TO ALL FOUR MISSING CHILD REPORTS I FILED - LOCATED MY DAUGHTER AND TOLD ME SHE WAS IN A HOME WITH AN ADULT PRESENT AND FOR THAT REASON THEY COULD NOT BRING HER BACK HOME TO ME.
So I told them the following: "Let me get this straight. She can beat up other kids, she can smoke, take drugs, and drink. She can tell me to go f*** myself as often as shewants. She can run away everytime i say something she doesn't like. She can threaten suicide. She can vandalize things - break into cars with her friends 'just for fun' and you can do nothing to help me. She can break the law in a hundred different ways and nothing can be done.
Doesn't that just want to make you puke
Oh! Tonight after one more rude episode over the phone, I kicked her out and told her to come back when she is wiling to stop treating my husband and I like garbage. I am in the process of packing her items and getting them to her and I told her to never talk to me again. I was abused by my parents all my life - i am in my late 40"s and I refuse to be abused for the rest of my life.
There response: "That's the law."
It's no wonder we have gangs of teens running the streets of Welland, getting into trouble, stealing tosupport drug, alcohol and drinking habits. No one can stop them because of the lw.
My bi-polar is very bad right now. (Not that I'm the important one in this story) But the more tired and stressed I get, the less likely I'm going to be able to deal with her in a calm, mature way. Not only am I scared for her, I'm scared for me. And my husband of two years is struggling at his job because of this. I could never hate her but I hate everything she does.
Boundaries dear, you need them.
Your history tells me you enable others to do this to you, every-time you feel like you are going over the edge go for a walk, just as fast as you can! The endorphins will help. Good luck.
I did some research, and what transpired is a recent ruling by the Supreme Court of Canada, in a case of a Jehovah Witness teenager who was against a blood transfusion in his/her Crohn disease. The court ruled that if a court deems a child under 16 "mature", he/she can decide on his own life/death treatment.
The practical implication is that now the doctors are scared of the liability if there is a conflict between parents and a child on a treatment. It seems that there is no hard law that a minor has a say in his/her treatment, only through a court procedure deeming him/her a "mature" person, yet still - the doctors will balk now, after this decision, on a treatment seeing disagreement between the parents and a child.
So in short, there is no law about under 16yo minor, -only through court. Practically, though, authorities will act to protect themselves from liability, rather than to work with you.
This, still leaves you and her arguing about taking medication or seeing a specialist.
PS: this doesn't mean that I know better than you, in fact I will research some more, as I find it unbelievable that police would leave your child in a strange place rather than bring her home. I can't get my head around that from your experience, we seem to have lost control over our own kids? How young can they be to do all this? 9? 10? 12? Something is wrong here.
i made an appointment with her family doctor to see if he could get a form (signed by a judge) ordering her to be tested for bipolar or illegal drug use. I was excited - finally I had found a way to help her and she could blame something else other than me.
WRONG
Unless she is about to murder me they won't sign a court order to get her tested - no matter how many times she has threatened suicide, And if by some miracle they did get a judge to agree - I can't force her to take any medicine they prescribe for her.
I'm still going through with the appointment - if only to document everything I have done. But I am exhausted - I can't sleep - I am scared stiff about where she is and whether or not she is safe. They like to swim in the old Welland Canal (no longer used by freighters or other boats) - but the summer here has been very cool at times and a kid she knew almost died from hypothermia two days ago.
I will never give up - I love her too much - but I am completely exhausted and can no loger think logically. Please keep in contact with me through this forum. I have no physical family that are close to me except my sister and I need a lifeline so badly right now.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have no solutions but I did want you to know that there are people thinking about you and hoping it all works out. Keep at it.
These are things I found out when my kids had boosters coming as required coming into high school several years back. They could actually refused if they were 14!
Sounds like you are doing all you can. Keep journaling your thoughts and really consider the walking, the endorphins kick will help.
Plan, even rehearse your next conversation you may have with her, use note cards so you stay on track. If you are prepared you will feel more confident!
Again I tell you many of us have been there and have survived!
People here in the US have the same problems. My friends kid, the 15 year old boy is a monster. Does drugs, stole their car, and racked up $15,000 in credit card debt on their cards. He is a rapist, but no one will come forward to testify against him, and he broke into the neighbors homes and stole stuff.
They did send him to juvenile hall for the theft, for 3 months. Then, back home. He purposely does things to drive his step dad crazy, knocks over the fridge, breaks furniture, disrepectful...you name it.
The Dad finally went crazy, and beat the little POS. And the kid called Child Protective Services, on the Dad, and he was sent to jail for beating the kid. (and the kid was not really "beaten"). The Dad was sentanced to parenting classes, and if he does it again, he will be charged with felony child abuse. He could lose his job.
They can't throw the kid out, you get in trouble for abandonment/neglect.
They don't have $100,000 a year to send him away to one of those schools.
They wish he would run away. Or get caught and go to jail. They can't wait until he is 18 and they can kick him out. They are going to family counseling, he does not bother to go, but they need it to deal with the stress.
I don't know what is with kids now.
Last edited by kek1993; 08-31-2009 at 09:15 PM..
Reason: spelling
IMO for this boy I would
Empty the house of all but the bare necessities. If storage needed to be rented then so be it.
Take all of his clothes except for two jeans and four shirts that YOU pick.
Everyday cheese sandwiches, every meal.
See how long he last.
He might have a change of heart, then earn things back slowly one at a time.
Sorry but someone has been indulged and thinks he is holding the power.
BTW if he is not a signature holder on the CC wasn't he committing fraud?
I followed a few of the above ideas once on my wanna be wild child,
looked like a POW in the three sets of black sweats I provided, with no door on her room and nothing but a mattress on the floor, of course everything was clean, just no frills....
People here in the US have the same problems. My friends kid, the 15 year old boy is a monster. Does drugs, stole their car, and racked up $15,000 in credit card debt on their cards. He is a rapist, but no one will come forward to testify against him, and he broke into the neighbors homes and stole stuff.
They did send him to juvenile hall for the theft, for 3 months. Then, back home. He purposely does things to drive his step dad crazy, knocks over the fridge, breaks furniture, disrepectful...you name it.
The Dad finally went crazy, and beat the little POS. And the kid called Child Protective Services, on the Dad, and he was sent to jail for beating the kid. (and the kid was not really "beaten"). The Dad was sentanced to parenting classes, and if he does it again, he will be charged with felony child abuse. He could lose his job.
They can't throw the kid out, you get in trouble for abandonment/neglect.
They don't have $100,000 a year to send him away to one of those schools.
They wish he would run away. Or get caught and go to jail. They can't wait until he is 18 and they can kick him out. They are going to family counseling, he does not bother to go, but they need it to deal with the stress.
I don't know what is with kids now.
Every time this kid is being violent at home, the parents need to be calling the police. If the behavior is not documented, the courts can't do anything about it. Does your state have anything like a JIPS (Juvenile In Protective Services) petition? These are court petitions that can be taken against a juvenile in danger to themselves or others. Unfortunately it doesn't give parents a lot of mental health help except for family counseling and some respite care, but it does send kids to juvenile detention if they are violent.
To update the story. After the fourth time running away from home I called my sister in hysterics and told her all that was going on. She said 'no problem' and came and picked her up and took her to live with her family for as long as necessary (of course I will provide as much financial aid as I can). Lindsey lives seven miles outside of Welland in the country so there is no where for Shannon to run too and her friends are not welcome out there either. Lindsey has a son her age and another son about three years younger. The atmosphere out there is much more calming than here and I think it is for the best if she stays there for as long as she can.
She is still extremely hostile to me whenever I phone - but I no longer care. She is safe and that is all that matters. Now it's up to life to kick her up the a** and teach her some of the lessons that she refuses to learn from me.
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