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to NC mom
Please keep in mind that I did not give her any rights to run her life this way - the LAWS OF CANADA have given 14 year-olds the right to do anything they please and parents are unable to do anything about it - NOR CAN THE POLICE
When she ran away, we called the police every time - they tracked her down and came back and said because she was at a friend's place and an adult was present they could NOT LEGALLY BRING HER BACK HOME - we're talking about a 14-year-old, and that she didn't have to come home if she didn't want to. It was her choice. If they can't legally bring her back then neither can we because of our STUPID CANADIAN LAWS. What that tells young teens is that they can do anything they want and we can't stop them.
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness (although I no longer practice the faith) and I have NEVER used illegal drugs, or stolen anything, or broken into cars for fun. I raised her with the same moral guidelines that I was raised with. I homeschooled her for ten years until I felt it best that she be put into the school system because I wanted her to get a great education and make friends. We did everything together. I allowed sleepovers constantly, and provided pizza, pop, and munchies while they watched movies and had a great time. Gradually, she pushed at the boundaries I had set and I though it was all part of growing up - until she pushed too far and wanted a seventeen-year-old boy and his girlfriend to be allowed to stay over and then we said no. That's when the excrement hit the oscillator so to speak.
Don't think for one minute that I haven't gone over in my head everything that has been said and done and punished myself for not seeing sooner the path she was going down. Now I don't know how to make things better - she blames me for everything and refuses to talk to me.
I never anticipated this happening - this came completely out of left field.
To passthechocolate - I believe you are right. Not having her around for a month has given me alot of time to think. My husband and I have already decided that if she ever wants to come home - there will be strict boundaries set and if she refuses to follow them then she can forget coming home.
I'm getting sick over this and you're right I think she enjoys it. Not only do I have bi-polar, I also have Severe Anxiety Disorder and Severe Anemia and that is probably the biggest reasons why she has 'run the show' so to speak. Canadian laws have tied our hands but that doesn't mean we have to let her walk all over us. Thank God my husband is so supportive.
to NC mom
Please keep in mind that I did not give her any rights to run her life this way - the LAWS OF CANADA have given 14 year-olds the right to do anything they please and parents are unable to do anything about it - NOR CAN THE POLICE
When she ran away, we called the police every time - they tracked her down and came back and said because she was at a friend's place and an adult was present they could NOT LEGALLY BRING HER BACK HOME - we're talking about a 14-year-old, and that she didn't have to come home if she didn't want to. It was her choice. If they can't legally bring her back then neither can we because of our STUPID CANADIAN LAWS. What that tells young teens is that they can do anything they want and we can't stop them.
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness (although I no longer practice the faith) and I have NEVER used illegal drugs, or stolen anything, or broken into cars for fun. I raised her with the same moral guidelines that I was raised with. I homeschooled her for ten years until I felt it best that she be put into the school system because I wanted her to get a great education and make friends. We did everything together. I allowed sleepovers constantly, and provided pizza, pop, and munchies while they watched movies and had a great time. Gradually, she pushed at the boundaries I had set and I though it was all part of growing up - until she pushed too far and wanted a seventeen-year-old boy and his girlfriend to be allowed to stay over and then we said no. That's when the excrement hit the oscillator so to speak.
Don't think for one minute that I haven't gone over in my head everything that has been said and done and punished myself for not seeing sooner the path she was going down. Now I don't know how to make things better - she blames me for everything and refuses to talk to me.
I never anticipated this happening - this came completely out of left field.
To passthechocolate - I believe you are right. Not having her around for a month has given me alot of time to think. My husband and I have already decided that if she ever wants to come home - there will be strict boundaries set and if she refuses to follow them then she can forget coming home.
I'm getting sick over this and you're right I think she enjoys it. Not only do I have bi-polar, I also have Severe Anxiety Disorder and Severe Anemia and that is probably the biggest reasons why she has 'run the show' so to speak. Canadian laws have tied our hands but that doesn't mean we have to let her walk all over us. Thank God my husband is so supportive.
I am sorry you are going through this...but Canadian laws or not, you are the parent....the laws don't pervent you from parenting or disciplining your child, or Canada would be over-run with juvenile deliquents.
I hear a lot of excuses as to why she is this way, why you can't parent effectively...etc....you both need extensive counseling, alone and together....this girl is a CHILD. There is some confusion as to who is in control...and right now it's her because she isn't under your roof where she belongs.
I am sorry you are going through this...but Canadian laws or not, you are the parent....the laws don't pervent you from parenting or disciplining your child, or Canada would be over-run with juvenile deliquents.
I hear a lot of excuses as to why she is this way, why you can't parent effectively...etc....you both need extensive counseling, alone and together....this girl is a CHILD. There is some confusion as to who is in control...and right now it's her because she isn't under your roof where she belongs.
I think that the OP gets this entirely.
The problem is that she cannot legally FORCE her daughter to go through the counseling she needs.
Her kid is so out of control that it's come down to analyzing legal rights. Furthermore--it seems her daughter knows the laws that work in her favor and is using them against her mother.
At this point, IMHO, it's not about "who's in control" because it's way behind the scope of a control issue.
thank you thepinksquid you have got the whole story in your post. Our town is full of juvenile delinquents who are doing the exact same thing as my daughter and are the same age or slightly older.
It seemed as if the moment she turned 14 and found out what her rights were then the trouble began. And you are right I tried to suggest counselling or therapy or anything she might agree to and she knew that I could not make her go nor could I make her take any medication if she is prescribed.
At this age it is STRICTLY ABOUT WHAT THEY WILL OR WON'T AGREE TOO.
I never claimed to be a perfect parent NEVER!!!!!! When she hung around with a girl named Tamara who was older than her, Tam would NEVER let her do anything like this. But she moved to another town and my daughter has connected with a group of older teens in her place. These teens are the epitome of disrespectful juvenile delinquents and the frightening thing is that they are our future.
As for disciplining - if you are referring to physical punishment I would be charged in a heartbeat. She would call and report me and because I am not a canadian citizen I would be deported and that would be all she wrote. I mean I was physically punished when I was a child and I learned quickly that certain things were a no-no. Hit a child today and they head right to the phone and call the police or Family and Children's Services.
I attended parenting classes for 6 years - a group that also included bringing the baby (ages 1-6) and learning how to interact with your child through play, story-telling and crafts. I wasn't forced to go I just thought it was a terrific idea and there were workers their that were approachable about any issue that was a concern. I still run into my home worker from time to time and guess what - her fourteen year old daughter ran away from home as well and is now living with someone else.
Most of this has been happening since she turned 14 - i guess someone opened their trap and explained the laws of Canada to her.
I also realize that this is really my problem to solve - that all anyone in this forum can do is give me advice and a shoulder to cry on. And I appreciate that more than any of you can know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hi there I am a step mom to an out of control 14 year old girl in ontario as well.......it is truly sad how society has let us as parents down. She drinks, skips school, is promiscuous, wont take birth control is having unprotected sex, disappears over night and we cannot force her into help. Her dad and I are on the verge of ending our relationship because I cant deal with all of this anymore and its breaking my heart. We have gone to hospital, doctors, school and truancy officer and nothing. We went to CAS for help begging for help and all they have done is set up a "meeting" to discuss things. We have tried to find out about surrendering her to a group home and they have refused to take her citing concerns she will run away from home and be more dangerous to herself. Im at the end of my rope please help with any ideas........
IIt sounds to me that this is an issue of law enforcement. In short, your local police are monumentally stupid. This 27-year-old guy is having huge drinking parties with teenagers at his apartment. They have questioned him, and he has admitted everything short of what they would need to convict him of a crime (even "dating" a 12 year old; LOL, I have a feeling it's a little bit more than that). I have no experience in law enforcement, but I believe pretty strongly more could be done here. If I were a law enforcement officer, I would immediately monitor this guy, wait for him to have another party at his house, and then bust it, arrest and charge everyone there, etc. So basically, your police are seeing a red flag whip them in the face, and they do nothing about it. I have a difficult time believing anyone that could hold down a job would be too incompetent to take action here; your local police have chosen not to. I would absolutely hold your police accountable for knowing what they should be doing and electing not to do it. My gut feeling is that possibly this 27-year-old has connections to figures high on the totem pole that are paying off or are otherwise butt buddies with people in your local government. This is not an out-of-control teenager issue, though that might be how you are related to it. This is an out-of-control government issue. I urge you to do all you can to hold your police force accountable for doing their job. Right now, it seems like they are miserably failing. It seems you got your daughter on your sister's farm which is good; I'm curious as to how you did it though. Good luck and hope things get better for you and your daughter.
Last edited by Badlands17; 06-17-2010 at 11:34 PM..
There has got to be some sort of AT RISK YOUTH system there! We have went thru the same things with our daughter who at this moment in time has now had her father arrested for assault, when in fact he was trying to protect and care for her! YOU HAVE GOT TO GET THE LAW?COURTS INVOLVED before you get to the point we are! We love our children to death and if thjey could only realize we too went thru teen hood and somehow survived and that when they are 18 they can do as they please but until then we HAVE to show them that we are responcible for them, good or bad and you will NOT come out as the good parent if this behavior continues!!! TRUST MY WORD! Good Luck
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