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Old 05-04-2007, 07:51 AM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,412,298 times
Reputation: 253

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I had a similar problem with my daughter. It does sound like "seperation anxiety" to me. And I totaly agree with the people who said that Life is full of doing things you dont want to do. but, you have to find the middle ground and let them "think" they are making their own decisions. I did something similar to the mom that made the kid do chores.

If she was to sick to go to school I let her stay home. but, the rule was"if you are to sick to go to school your to sick to do anything but stay in bed" she has to stay in bed all day (except at meal time) no tv no nothing. and this included when she was severely sick. that way there was never a question about whether I believed her or not. I also set up with the counselor at school to pull her out of class 2x per wk. just for "talking time". the counselor told her that I would not know anything they discussed. and I dont in detail. but I did find out it was basic seperation anxiety.
1 yr later, she goes to school with no problem and sometimes will ask to see the same counselor for some "talk time". Sometimes kids need someone safe to talk to about nothing.
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Old 05-05-2007, 07:02 PM
 
Location: NW Atlanta
1,372 posts, read 4,757,564 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by emailvasally View Post
I had a similar problem with my daughter. It does sound like "seperation anxiety" to me. And I totaly agree with the people who said that Life is full of doing things you dont want to do. but, you have to find the middle ground and let them "think" they are making their own decisions. I did something similar to the mom that made the kid do chores.

If she was to sick to go to school I let her stay home. but, the rule was"if you are to sick to go to school your to sick to do anything but stay in bed" she has to stay in bed all day (except at meal time) no tv no nothing. and this included when she was severely sick. that way there was never a question about whether I believed her or not. I also set up with the counselor at school to pull her out of class 2x per wk. just for "talking time". the counselor told her that I would not know anything they discussed. and I dont in detail. but I did find out it was basic seperation anxiety.
1 yr later, she goes to school with no problem and sometimes will ask to see the same counselor for some "talk time". Sometimes kids need someone safe to talk to about nothing.
Thanks alot I like that. My son (by the way his name is Kevin) has just the type of personality that would work for.
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Old 05-10-2007, 12:15 PM
 
Location: lumberton, texas
652 posts, read 2,412,298 times
Reputation: 253
Your welcome. I hope it works for you, and Kevin.

Sally
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Old 05-10-2007, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
13 posts, read 39,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dncngrl1964 View Post
I do have a problem maybe you can help me with every morning and I mean EVERY morning my 7 yr old son comes to me and says he is too sick to go to school
I have talked to his teacher and there is nothing he is being harrassed about or other things that would make him "afraid" to go to school but now I am stuck what is up with this kid please help me????
You've talked to his teacher but have you talked to him? Why don't you have an honest discussion with your son instead of asking total strangers what is wrong? He is old enough to understand. Ask him what is the matter, and give him support and feedback when he gives you an answer. Then, once you figure out why he feels this way you can go from there.
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Old 05-10-2007, 02:21 PM
 
Location: NW Atlanta
1,372 posts, read 4,757,564 times
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yes we talk all the time alone time just walkin time sittin on the couch time
we are very close
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Old 05-11-2007, 05:40 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,630,312 times
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I didn't read through this all the way, so I apologize if I ask a question someone else did, or if restate something.

Have you asked him what is the matter-what he doesn't like about school?

being a teacher, I know that there are *mean* teachers out there. There are people in every profession who just shouldn't be in that profession, and teaching is one of them. Maybe...to give your child the benefit of the doubt...he just doesn't fit with that teacher. I have had two ADHD children switched out of other classrooms and into mine...because administration knows that I know how to handle those children (have a child myself with ADHD)...and while those two other teachers aren't bad teachers...they just weren't doing the correct things to allow those children to be successful. All I am saying is maybe, for some reason...he doesn't like the teacher.

Does he do well in school? If he is a little low in any subject, he might be seeing how the rest of the children grasp it better...or look at him whenever he often gets something wrong...I have low children that I am working with on their self-esteem.

Or, is he a little...awkward? I had a girl before that was a little...in her own world most times, and the children could sense it and didn't want to play with her. They didn't tease her-but they jsut didn't want to be her friend.

I would take a hard look into your son's academics, social status...and relationship with the teacher.
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Old 05-11-2007, 09:54 AM
 
Location: NW Atlanta
1,372 posts, read 4,757,564 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
I didn't read through this all the way, so I apologize if I ask a question someone else did, or if restate something.

Have you asked him what is the matter-what he doesn't like about school?

being a teacher, I know that there are *mean* teachers out there. There are people in every profession who just shouldn't be in that profession, and teaching is one of them. Maybe...to give your child the benefit of the doubt...he just doesn't fit with that teacher. I have had two ADHD children switched out of other classrooms and into mine...because administration knows that I know how to handle those children (have a child myself with ADHD)...and while those two other teachers aren't bad teachers...they just weren't doing the correct things to allow those children to be successful. All I am saying is maybe, for some reason...he doesn't like the teacher.

Does he do well in school? If he is a little low in any subject, he might be seeing how the rest of the children grasp it better...or look at him whenever he often gets something wrong...I have low children that I am working with on their self-esteem.

Or, is he a little...awkward? I had a girl before that was a little...in her own world most times, and the children could sense it and didn't want to play with her. They didn't tease her-but they jsut didn't want to be her friend.

I would take a hard look into your son's academics, social status...and relationship with the teacher.
Ya know what??? (light bulb goes off)

you just reminded me of something and I am going to ask him about it tonight

my son rocks
it has nothing to do with autism
or anything brain related
some kids suck thumbs
some carry blankies
my son rocks as a comfort
maybe someone at school is bothering him about it

Thank you Thank you Thank you

You are blessed
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Old 11-02-2008, 10:35 AM
 
Location: in my mind
2,745 posts, read 12,857,661 times
Reputation: 1591
Quote:
Originally Posted by jco View Post
It seems to me that you've rejected all but one piece of advice, but I'm going to try to offer a couple more solutions just for kicks. When we didn't want to go to school my mom told us to get out of bed and get in the car. I remember one time my brother didn't get up in time and she made him do chores the entire day. He still didn't want to get up, but he did! I thought it was clever of my mom. When she questioned whether we were sick or not, we didn't get to watch TV, play games, or pretty much get out of bed. It seems nice until two hours has passed and you're going nuts! We learned quick! And unless we had something obviously contagious, we went to school.

I'm not sure what strategies you're looking for if he just doesn't "want" to get out of bed. A reward chart or something seems like bribery to me.
I know there is a fine line between rewards and bribery....

With my son though (he is 11 now), when he was dragging in the morning and protesting having to go (and therefore making it take longer), I would explain that if he made everyone late, including me, I'd be more stressed and less likely to want to do something fun after school. Also it'd be more likely I'd have to stay later at work. So there was some incentive in kind of a "reward" way, for him to get up and get moving and not take time out to complain about how he didn't want to go to school.

We'd be much more likely to go to the park after or something like that and this was a motivator for him. Or stop for breakfast tacos, something that can't happen if he doesn't get up and get moving. He can complain all he wants, as long as he's getting dressed and ready WHILE he's complaining. I wasn't above "bribing" with a promise of a meal out (pizza or whatever) if he didn't give me morning troubles all week long.

Plus, eventually they just figure out that it doesn't matter how much they try and talk you out of going, they're going. I see nothing wrong with empathizing with them... I have often told my son "Yeah, I understand. I really don't want to go to work either but we have to do things we don't want to do..." it's just a fact and he finally realized that I'm not going to "cave".

When my older son was little and I was first back to work (he was 4, almost 5), I had the worst time getting him moving in the mornings. Once I put him in the car half dressed and put the rest of his clothes on the seat next to him. He couldn't BELIEVE I actually put him in the car in his undies and T-shirt and he was horrified! I'd warned him over and over again though, and explained that I had to leave at a certain time whether he was ready or not. Well, he finished dressing in the car (thankfully his school and my work was a good 30 minutes away, lol)... and I never had that problem with him again.

Now there was a time when there were legit problems with my younger son with a teacher (1st grade) and he was crying every morning, scared, BEGGING me to not take him to school and swearing he hated it. I took that very seriously and dealt with it appropriately... but now? He has good teachers, he isn't being picked on, he just doesn't want to go is all. Heck, I'd rather be home too, even if I was working from home, so I can certainly understand it!
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