U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-07-2009, 12:05 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
Reputation: 22158

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
As a high school teacher I can say that boys are very much less mature on average than girls. Not all boys are less mature and some girls are very immature, but more times than not boys are very much less mature than girls. That is why parents need to judge their own child's situation and not set blanket rules for their child.
I'm really not sure what you're judging that on. I had noticed my daughter was hanging around more boys than girls and I asked her about it. She felt the girls were for the most part "dumb acting", she said that they only talked about their hair, their makeup and boys. The boys talked about music, activities, philosophies, science, cars.

What I see more is that girls change from day to day, it's harder to know what they want because they don't know what they want. They're more interested in changing their appearances which means they try to dress up, make themselves something they aren't, more obsessed with their looks. If they have curly hair, they want it straight, if they have straight hair they want it curly, and they obsess on and on over their appearance.

Boys on the other hand stay the same creature pretty much the whole time. They might not look in the mirror until they're 15, but when they do, what they see is what they see, they aren't putting on makeup trying to look like someone else, if they're homely - okay they're homely, if they're handsome, they're handsome, no big sweat. When they're little, they like little cars, when they're big they like big cars.

I don't think it's a matter of one being more mature than the other but girls might appear to be more mature because they're plastering on make up when they're 11 while boys are still having fun.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-07-2009, 10:15 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,480 posts, read 13,334,142 times
Reputation: 19899
And for your story I have one that is completely opposite. In my family it was DS who fretted in front of the mirror over his hair, his skin, his smile. He's the clothes horse, gotta wear wear the latest, greatest fads. Working out with the weights to gain a little muscle. DD on the other hand couldn't have cared less about her appearance. Not so sure how maturity (or the lack of it) affects vanity.

DD tends to date a few years up and DS tends to date a few years down.
When I was in HS most junior and senior girls would rather die than date a boy still in HS. They just weren't interesting to us.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2009, 07:32 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,594,562 times
Reputation: 952
I'm not sure if I care so much about the age as I do the kid. One to three years difference seems to be normal around here and I don't see the problem with it. Now if my DD (nearly 16) tried dating a 20 yr old I would probably have a problem with it mostly because what kind of 20 yr old wants to date a 16yr old? You have to wonder what kind of person they are.

For some reason though when my DS starts dating I will probably be a little more concerned about age difference since he will probably be dating younger which is kind of scary for some reason. I guess because there could be a chance of dating someone younger than they say they are which could lead to trouble.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2009, 07:41 AM
 
14,253 posts, read 14,736,031 times
Reputation: 13611
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
DD tends to date a few years up and DS tends to date a few years down.
When I was in HS most junior and senior girls would rather die than date a boy still in HS. They just weren't interesting to us.
Why do you think that is?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2009, 09:00 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,480 posts, read 13,334,142 times
Reputation: 19899
In HS I think we weren't all that interested in boys our own age because they tended to talk mostly about HS and things we were already familiar with. Older boys were "out in the real world" and could talk about things that were fresh and new to us. Older guys were seen as a part of the adult world and that made them more fascinating.

Also can't discount the fact that boys our own age seemed obsessed with sex, sex, and sex, crude jokes and fumbling attempts to see how far they could go, like it was a game. The older boys probably had the same thoughts, but at least they generally had the sense to act like it wasn't the only thing on their minds all the time.


Just as an added aside I'm going to say that I think in and age it's really difficult to be an 18 or 19 yr old young man who's dating. The fear of being accused of statutory rape makes many of them too afraid to date the girls they would normally be attracted to. DS used the excuse of going off to college to break up with his GF when he turned 18 because he was afraid her parents would cause problems.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2009, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Some Beach... Somewhere...
4,571 posts, read 3,829,083 times
Reputation: 4735
Simple solution. My daughter (now 3 y.o.) isn't allowed to date until she's 30! Or until I'm dead - which may come sooner.

I'm my own worst nightmare! I'm 15 years older than my wife, and if my daughter ever brings home someone 15 years older, I'd have to beat him to death, given that I can raise my cane high enough to do it.

That humming noise you will someday hear will be the sound of me spinning in my grave.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-08-2009, 09:07 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,894,928 times
Reputation: 3651
Many thoughtful posts...I do think that for teenagers, anything more than a 5 year age difference is probably not ok.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-09-2009, 04:26 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12043
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
Many thoughtful posts...I do think that for teenagers, anything more than a 5 year age difference is probably not ok.
I would say most of the time that is true. However, the older one goes into the teen years the less a problem this is. A 20 year old looking to date a 15 year old is inappropriate most of the time. However 19 year old and 24 year old might work, depending on the people involved. Of course, by the time your child is 19 you really don't have any say in who they date.

I think we need to avoid blanket statements and look at individual people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-09-2009, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Rockland County New York
2,984 posts, read 5,121,730 times
Reputation: 1285
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom View Post
My daughter is a 17 yr old senior. She is dating a young man who is 19 and graduated last year. He is attending Community College. I see nothing wrong with this. They are one year apart in school, but two years apart in age. Last year, when they started dating, he was a senior and she a junior.

I would have a problem only if she started dating someone out of college while she was still in high school. At this point, I don't think she would have much in common with someone far removed from high school. She is already planning her senior prom! Can't see a 23 yr old wanting to go to prom.
I was 23 when I took my wife to her prom. We met in church and hit it off. After we both graduated college we got married in 1995. Besides her parents knew me and my family since I was seven years old.

Last edited by Stac2007; 09-09-2009 at 07:00 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-09-2009, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Rockland County New York
2,984 posts, read 5,121,730 times
Reputation: 1285
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaggy001 View Post
And therein resides the problem. Girls are generally 2-3 years more mature than boys and they simply are not generally attracted to their own age group until the boys catch up (if they ever do) in their twenties and thirties.
You are correct about girls not dating their age group. My wife dated one fellow in high school prior to meeting me and he was 17. He acted like a stupid kid and she dumped him flat right after we met. I was in my early twenties and started college late. It was less than a month before we started seeing each other every day. After a year of dating we got engaged with her parents blessing and after college we got married. I don't know what to say but we both loved and needed each other. Some women grow up faster than others and know what they want. I was surprised that she wanted to date some one in his early twenties but since I was not a party boy and was pretty responsible I was the perfect catch for her. After being together for eighteen years we still love and adore each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top