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Old 09-09-2009, 03:27 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,307 times
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I am very worried about my son. We can't beleive a word he says anymore. He lies about where he is and what he's doing. He doesn't follow any of are rules. Ever since he got his own car it's just gotten worse and worse. He started hanging out with guys we know are on drugs. He's always on the road driving his friends everywhere they want to go.He only comes home when he feels like it no matter what we say. We found out that he got very sick after doing drugs but he says he's clean now. [SIZE=2][SIZE=2]I made him give his house key because whenever we are gone , he brings his friends over even if we tell him not to. I told him we love him and want him to stay with us but things can't go on like this. I think he's so desperate to fit in that he'll do anything even if he knows it's wrong. I could kick him out even if I know he wants to stay but I know he'll do anything to please his friends first. What should I do ???
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:43 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,494,552 times
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Take the car away, don't give him any money and don't allow him to have friends come over until his behavior improves. If he decides to move out, don't support him financially and he'll eventually come back and agree to live by your rules.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:50 PM
 
259 posts, read 637,810 times
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he's 17 so get really strict. take away his car. enforce curfew. don't allow him to hang out with anyone you know takes drugs. tell him that you love him and you'll do anything to keep him on a healthy path. tell him that you have friends that did this in high school and it took a LONG time for them to get their **** together and you know he's better than that. sign him up for things to do (and do it with him). increase the family bond while breaking the bad habits (and whatever you do, don't go through his room while he's gone. take it from me, he'll never trust you again.) and don't let him move out.
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Old 09-09-2009, 05:03 PM
 
2,251 posts, read 4,311,198 times
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Who is paying for the car and the insurance? If you are, take the car away. That's the first thing.

How is he supporting his habit? If you are giving him money, don't give him anything anymore.

Is this a kid that was a straight A student who woke up one day and starting running with a bad crowd and doing drugs? Were there signs of bad behavior before?

Sorry to hear you are in this situation but you should tell him that on his 18th birthday you will pay one month's rent at an apartment and he's on his own if even thinks about bringing drugs/druggie friends into your home. Tell him you will call the police and let them search the house (whether you actually do that or not is up to you).

I've seen what can happen once kids in their late teens get into drugs. You need to get a handle on this now and make him do the same before he drives under the influence and hurts someone.

Good luck to you!
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Old 09-09-2009, 08:09 PM
 
2,466 posts, read 4,201,231 times
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I agree with what the others have said. If you own the car that he drives then take it away and do not allow him to use it until he starts behaving responsibly and appropriately. If you don't own the car then take away his drivers license. Parents do have that right to have their kid's license revoked.

I also recommend that if he doesn't already, that you insist that he gets a job or find him some heavy chores to do around the home. Idle hands can be a bad thing for kids especially at his age. If you give him an allowance then cut it off and make him work for his money, i.e. a job or chores. It's time he finds out that money doesn't come easy and working teaches responsibility.

It's time that he learns that there are consequences to actions and it's better that the consequences come from you than from the law.

It's really to bad that they do not have the Scared Straight program anymore. There are a lot of teens that could benefit from it.
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Old 09-09-2009, 08:33 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
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Stop giving him money. If he's got a drug problem, it will likely keep him from getting a job since drug tests are so common now. Don't be afraid to call the police if he's bringing drugs into your home or stealing. Sometimes a wake-up call is needed.
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Old 09-09-2009, 08:43 PM
 
259 posts, read 637,810 times
Reputation: 190
i'm sure he knows what he's doing is "wrong". but he's getting positive attention from his friends and probably negative attention from home. so that's why he's gone. (no brainer, right?) don't let him move out. don't criticize every move of his. what he needs is a stronger family bond and he needs to have buddies who aren't idiots. and PLEASE don't bring the cops into this if you want a relationship with him.

PS i want to add that i started acting like that when i was....14 or 15....definitely younger than 17. my family did all the wrong things and it f***ed up our relationship for good. granted i'm a girl, but i hung out with mainly guys so i have an idea what's going on. you're welcome to shoot me a message if you want to talk privately <3
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Old 09-09-2009, 08:45 PM
 
5 posts, read 4,307 times
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We don't give him any money. He has a part time job and bought his car with the money he got from selling his motocross which he had bought and raced last year. People kept telling me that it was a dangerous sport but I found it good for him and I knew where he was. Besides I'd rather live with seeing him break an arm or a leg that will heal in a couple of months than a life long battle with drugs. I told him right from the start that he would be responsible for any cost associated with owning his own car. Sometimes I wonder where he gets all the money.
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Old 09-09-2009, 08:57 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
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That fact that he got sick would make me suspect he's doing dangerous drugs or dangerous combinations of them. Sometimes a 12 step program can help -- you. You can find out local resources, what legal steps you can take, and that sometimes especially if your loved one has crossed the line into addiction that there's little you can do to stop him.

It's easier when they have no access to money but it sounds like your son has that. In some areas the police can help, jail time can be a wake-up call, but not always.
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Old 09-10-2009, 08:55 AM
 
2,893 posts, read 5,165,166 times
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He's 17. Ask him if he's ready to move out. If he says no, give him the list of rules.

If he says yes, give him his last allowance, the car/insurance/gas/cell phone bill (anything you are currently paying for), a big hug, and wish him well.
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