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Old 09-10-2009, 12:07 PM
 
615 posts, read 1,687,752 times
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My son just started 2nd grade this year and he still gets in trouble for talking out of turn, blurting out, interrupting, etc. during school. Kindergarten started off really rough (we actually went to play therapy counseling it was that bad) but every year he has done better although I worry that last year his first grade teacher was maybe a little too lenient.

Edited to add the classroom discipline method is he gets a quarter (based on warnings) if he has had a really good day, down to a dime, nickel, penny then they get to buy stuff at the end of the week out of a treasure test. I have a meeting scheduled next week with the teacher so up to now I've only met her once but I get the feeling that she is very strict but super sweet and loving, so i am pleased with her.

If he comes home with a quarter I make a big deal of it. He gets to play with his friends or we go to the park or something. If he gets anything less than that, he obviously can't do any of those things but I have also started ((although I just started this at the end of last year) making him write about it. He hates to write and he needs work on his handwriting so I figured that would kill two birds with one stone and get him thinking about what he did. In a typical week, this is our fourth week of school, he comes home with 2-3 quarters, and some nickels and dimes, and one penny (I made him write a whole page for that one).

I know there are others out there that have kids that have the same issues and I was wondering what other parents do regarding this. He is SO enthusiastic about school. I talk to friends whose kids are well behaved in school but they say they hate school, it's boring, and have a hard time getting up and getting dressed on their own even at that age. I am grateful that I never have any of these issues. He occasionally might be a little too slow but he gets his own breakfast usually, gets dressed on his own, etc. I don't want to squelch that enthusiasm for school but obviously he needs to learn to follow the rules better. He (at least last year, like I said I am meeting with teacher next week) never has any issues academically, is reading above average, etc. Sometimes has issues finishing writing assignments (its always writing, never the other things) but seems to have no issues focusing on his work (usually).

So, any tips?
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Old 09-10-2009, 01:33 PM
 
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Never tell him he *can't* talk. You don't want to destroy something he loves. Tell him there is a right time to talk. That people need to take turns talking and you ask for your turn by raising your hand.

And give him the respect and attention he wants when he *does* talk in turn. Practice it at home all the time. If he interrupts, "I'm sorry it is not your turn to talk yet." Then make a point to give him a turn where you all pay rapt attention so he feels rewarded for waiting his turn.
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Old 09-10-2009, 01:47 PM
Status: "Have the day you deserve!" (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: LES & Brooklyn
1,207 posts, read 2,912,011 times
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I have had the same problem with my son who just entered 1st grade. He has been diagnosed with ADHD over the summer. But I am still a little concerned, because the only problem I have with him, is he won't be quiet. From the time he wakes up, til the time he goes to sleep. I can't even go to bed until he is asleep, otherwise he will talk me to death from his bed. (We are in the same room). Any suggestions that helped you deal with it? I feel like I am doing something wrong.
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Old 09-10-2009, 03:06 PM
 
2,884 posts, read 5,911,047 times
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Magic lips.

When our school was doing a play last year, there were several songs where they were required to leave out words, but keep the beat and keep the song going. Think "BINGO" song.

So that the younger kids could understand they taught them "magic lips". Basically just mouthing the words without any sound. Kids talk because their brains are running, which is good. Verbalization gives power and form to their thoughts. So try teaching him to mouth his words when it is quiet time. That way he can talk as much as he needs, but doesn't have to make noise.

Not sure it will work on ADHD, but it's the first thing I thought of that could fulfill both needs.
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Old 09-10-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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While I know some kids do have problems knowing when it's appropriate to talk and when it's not, something about your post also makes me want to ask are you sure that it's your son with the problem, and not the school or the teacher? He's still pretty young, and while obviously kids do need to have limits, there's also the very real risk (as you mention) of squashing the fun out of school, and therefore out of education. Any chance you can get a better reading during your meeting as to what the classroom environment is really like? I'm envisioning some old-school and very formal environment where the kids are never allowed to talk "out of turn" and where conversation is limited to lunch and recess. I'm sure that that's an exaggeration (and hope that it is), but if I were you I would want to make sure that the environment itself isn't the problem.

The magic lips sound like a great idea!
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Old 09-11-2009, 01:07 AM
 
Location: 89074
500 posts, read 744,539 times
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I agree with 'Uptown'. Often the focus is only on the child but adults, too, have a responsibility to help kids do their best. I'd be careful with using reward/punishment methods in a situation like this. Your son's self-esteem is important too and if he feels bad for something he needs help with, that can be damaging. Also, I wouldn't make him write if he doesn't like it. Does your school have an OT and/or handwriting specialist? They can give him extra assistance, and use effective programs to help him. My dd's school used a program called 'Handwriting Without Tears'. It's very good.

Basically, reward systems are based on the premise that a reward is needed to increase motivation for success. It sounds like your ds is motivated to succeed but his classroom skills are still being developed and perhaps lagging behind his peers. It doesn't mean he can't catch up but it will take time and patience and probably some creativity on the part of his teacher. It's no different than a learning deficit. Not all kids read at the same pace but you wouldn't focus only on the rewards/punishments if you had a child who couldn't read, but rather on differntiated ways of teaching. See if your child's teacher shares that approach. If not, you may have to take further steps to get him extra help. Hope it all goes well.
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Old 09-11-2009, 09:23 AM
 
615 posts, read 1,687,752 times
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Thanks guys! You've given me alot to think about. I do reward him and make a big deal when he does have a good day so it isn't just all negative reinforcement.

I don't think it is the teacher, although I don't know her well yet. We had a VERY rough kindergarten year, not just with talking but with general disruption of class. Things are a world better this year and if he comes home today with a quarter, it will be the first time ever he has gotten straight quarters all week (before of course it was smiley faces and in K it was a green light). I get the feeling the teacher is strict but not overly so. There is a few times where he has had to "move his card" but then she let him move it back when he improved throughout the day. My son seems to know what he has done. All from what he told me one day he was talking to a friend while the teacher was reading a book, and I am going to assume that she warned him once already.

I understand not wanting to squelch the enthusism but getting him to understand that there is a time and a place to talk is important too. It is tough finding the right balance.

So you don't think I should make him write? It is normally just a sentence or two except for one day he was more than just talkative, he was disruptive (banging his pencil on purpose). That day I made him write quite a bit. Other than the first time or two, he doesn't fuss about it. I tell him what to write. I figured he just need practice with the handwriting.
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Old 09-13-2009, 05:21 PM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,863,494 times
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My son was always the talkative one in class. He is now 20 and we still can't keep him quiet. He was always very bright and just asked questions all the time. I can remember saying, "Mommy just needs to be quiet for a few minutes." He was exhausting.

I think the thing to work on is when it's okay to talk and when it's not. I agree with the above post that said you need to practice the same techniques at home as well as at school. You are doing the right thing by communicating with the teacher. She will be able to tell you what she is doing in class and you can reinforce at home.

I think making him right is okay but I wouldn't make it a whole page. That's a lot for a 2nd grader at this point in the year.
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:26 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 10,867,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scarmig View Post
Magic lips.

When our school was doing a play last year, there were several songs where they were required to leave out words, but keep the beat and keep the song going. Think "BINGO" song.

So that the younger kids could understand they taught them "magic lips". Basically just mouthing the words without any sound. Kids talk because their brains are running, which is good. Verbalization gives power and form to their thoughts. So try teaching him to mouth his words when it is quiet time. That way he can talk as much as he needs, but doesn't have to make noise.

Not sure it will work on ADHD, but it's the first thing I thought of that could fulfill both needs.
Great idea. I have an ADHDer who is constantly in motion and almost constantly talking. He is extremely enthusiastic and exuberant about almost everything. His teachers like him - he just makes us all a little crazy at times.

I'll have to give it a shot and see if it works.
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:44 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
15,930 posts, read 20,899,784 times
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My son was quite the talker too, ADHD. Here are a few things his first grade teacher came up that worked for her.

She had my son sit on the perimeter of the class, usually near wherever she usually stood while instructing or near her desk. It made him very visible to her and he knew it.

She would stand near him and put a hand on his head or shoulder when he started getting boisterous. It was his 'silent signal' to calm down in class.

Last but not least she changed up her seating chart every six weeks and tried to keep my son surrounded by girls, or boys he didn't seem to know as well, in the hopes that he wouldn't talk quite so much. I believe her results on that were mixed, DS made friends pretty fast and would even talk to "cootified" girls if those were the only people around, LOL.

I like the idea about just mouthing words silently too, sounds like it might work for some situations.
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