My 18 year old daughter left home with no warning and moves with her boyfriends family! (3 yr old, high school) - Children, problems, school, daycare, behavior, age, teenagers, infants - Page 13 - City-Data Forum

pll · 05-14-2012, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sc0628

We are moving. Our numbers will not be changed, but we are out of here. It is a small town and I can't even go into the nail salon without running into someone that knows about our situation and see people gossiping etc...

Our situation took place in a small town too and we felt judged. It was uncomfortible to go out in public. It's wrong for other parents to judge and gossip about a family going through a painful situation. Why not offer love and support instead. Plus, just when you think you have the "perfect child" watch out.
Maybe moving and getting a fresh start will be good for your family especially since you have a younger child. The acting out from the older sib is distruptive and not good for the younger kid to see.
It will be a wake up call for your 18 year old.

sc0628 · 05-14-2012, 02:44 PM

That is what we are hoping for. Our plans were to move anyway, b/c the only reason we were here in the first place was for our daughter to graduate. We are ready to leave for good. I hope she does get a wake up call, but I doubt she would care either way since she is getting what she wants right now.

FinsterRufus · 05-14-2012, 03:10 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this sc0628.

I went through a similar situation with my mother when I was 18. She thought a lot worse of me than was warranted, though. Some 18 year olds are very independent and are going to do what they're going to do. If she's out of your house, per your request, then there's not much you can do.

You can certainly express your disappointment, but I wouldn't write her off just yet. These things have a way of working themselves out, but as the more adult of the two I would gently suggest that you try and look at it from a calm place and don't make more out of it than it might be, which is probably just a young adult trying to assert herself in the world.

She may not be going about it the way you would, or you would like, but I think it's important to be there for her nonetheless. Kids make mistakes. Doesn't mean all is lost.

And who cares what the other people of the town have to say about it? You can bet they all have their closets busting out with skeletons - who doesn't?

maciesmom · 05-14-2012, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FinsterRufus

I'm sorry you're going through this sc0628.

I went through a similar situation with my mother when I was 18. She thought a lot worse of me than was warranted, though. Some 18 year olds are very independent and are going to do what they're going to do. If she's out of your house, per your request, then there's not much you can do.

You can certainly express your disappointment, but I wouldn't write her off just yet. These things have a way of working themselves out, but as the more adult of the two I would gently suggest that you try and look at it from a calm place and don't make more out of it than it might be, which is probably just a young adult trying to assert herself in the world.

She may not be going about it the way you would, or you would like, but I think it's important to be there for her nonetheless. Kids make mistakes. Doesn't mean all is lost.

And who cares what the other people of the town have to say about it? You can bet they all have their closets busting out with skeletons - who doesn't?

Well said. And true. Eighteen is not the end all of a person's character and life. I'd bet most of us could look back at our 18 yr old selves and cringe inside. You don't have control over her actions at this point - you might get counseling for yourself on handling it if you are seriously considering moving to avoid the situation. Do you really think you're the only one in your town who has or had a rebelious teen who made choices her parents were disappointed in? I doubt it. Let her know that while you're disappointed in her choices, you still love her. That would give her an opening to come back and feel supported when she outgrows this phase. Which hopefully she will.

sc0628 · 05-14-2012, 08:36 PM

Thank you everyone for your advice and concern. I just want to make sure I am clear about something. I did not tell my daughter to get out of my house. I gave her an option. Either fly straight or leave. We do not put up with disrespect or lying to our face in our house. We are not the type of parents that ignore bad behavior. She made a CHOICE to leave and we believe that it was already premeditated. The option had been given to our daughter before and she did not want to leave and work things out b/c she had no were to go. This time around she clearly had already spoken to the guys mom and him and she now had a place to go. She seems to be happy with the way she has treated me and has no regrets. Lets just say my mothers day weekend was rough. No phone calls, text or anything. I guess I am not surprised though.

malamute · 05-15-2012, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sc0628

That is what we are hoping for. Our plans were to move anyway, b/c the only reason we were here in the first place was for our daughter to graduate. We are ready to leave for good. I hope she does get a wake up call, but I doubt she would care either way since she is getting what she wants right now.

It's a good time to move then, in a way she has set you free and you're not free to follow your own dreams, enjoy your post-parenting years.

steelstress · 05-15-2012, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malamute

It's a good time to move then, in a way she has set you free and you're not free to follow your own dreams, enjoy your post-parenting years.

I second the above.

sc0628 · 05-15-2012, 02:31 PM

The crazy thing is about all of this is I find myself calling and checking her school account to make sure she is at school and turning in items that are considered school property to make sure she can graduate. I am emailing all her teachers to let them know what is going on so maybe they can get through to her. I am leaving messages at the school for her to call home, or at least have someone to communicate for her to us, but we here nothing. We have paid for her cap and gown and it was delivered to the school, but have no idea if she got it or not. No one will tell us anything.

steelstress · 05-15-2012, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sc0628

The crazy thing is about all of this is I find myself calling and checking her school account to make sure she is at school and turning in items that are considered school property to make sure she can graduate. I am emailing all her teachers to let them know what is going on so maybe they can get through to her. I am leaving messages at the school for her to call home, or at least have someone to communicate for her to us, but we here nothing. We have paid for her cap and gown and it was delivered to the school, but have no idea if she got it or not. No one will tell us anything.

Does your local newspaper print the names of each graduate? That'll at least tell you that.

theoldnorthstate · 05-15-2012, 02:38 PM

best to let her know you love her and let her be. she is wrenching away from you and her own independence or maybe separation is what she wants right now.

i would have let my children let go much easier but they made it hard and made it hurt worse than it had to. Now they call, come home, and are glad to have Mom. But it was so hard to let them learn the hard lessons on their own.